CakeLady4000

My AXBF landed in the hospital a month early this year, He usuallly wraps up the holidays in an alcoholic coma in February, but this year the brink of death trip came early.

It’s is very interesting to see how ‘the system’ in Ohio where he is now vs. California where we lived together. Treat and street was the modus operandi in CA. As soon as he was conscious, he was released to my care...usually the same day. Boy, was that a good time dealing with someone in DTs scared to death he was going to die in my house, spending tens of thousands of dollars to get him into a rehab so I could go to work so we both didn’t end up homeless. In OH, he’s spent now over a week in the hospital and a social worker has been assigned to his case to coordinate aftercare in a skilled nursing facility. For all it’s liberal posing, CA does virtually nothing for addicts and their families. I’m glad his sister has the support. I sure as hell could have used some.

I cried when I heard that he was back in the hospital and realized that I still have a very small, but persistent piece of my heart that is still holding on to what might have been. My head fully sees the reality that he will likely never recover. I just wish my heart was fully healed. And, I’m not sure what to do to get there faster. Time, I guess.

trailmix

I'm glad to hear he is getting some care. I don't know much about California or Ohio in terms of addiction treatment but I'm going to guess the system in California is completely overwhelmed?

Yes time will help. Also looking at it really realistically will help. Boundaries. Real life boundaries.

I can imagine you long for him to be the guy you originally met or the one he could be in short spurts of sobriety? Well he has chosen addiction (although there is always hope he will chose sobriety) and unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help him at this point.

You were desperate to get him out of your life and now, technically, he is, just need to get rid of the ruminating.

It's not easy, but it hasn't been that long since he left I don't think? So time will make that easier and taking good care of yourself and looking forward to what you want.

CakeLady4000

Believe me, I’m so grateful to be out of the situation. I’ve just come down with a temporary case of the sads. Thanks for listening. You guys are really the only people I have to talk to that I know really understand.

atalose

I think trailmix is right, California is probably completely overwhelmed and doesn't have the resources that Ohio probably does. And I really do not think any state has the resources to help the loved ones other then to recommend al-anon, nar-anon or counseling. We are kind of on our own without a map!!

I think time does heal all wombs, not sure how long hes been your ex but I found that for me, the healing didn't really start until I was completely no contact. And by that I mean, not just no contact with him but also hearing about him from other people. Seemed every time I ran into someone who knew him and told me things about him or his condition I became a twisted emotional wreck and I would feel like the healing process would begin all over again from ground zero.

After several of those kind of set backs, I fully grasped the NO NEW CONTACT = NO NEW HURTS which applied to any and all people in regards to him.

Glenjo99

That's totally understandable to feel as you do.

I've gone no contact on my ex but this week have been dreaming about him a lot. I guess they always have a piece of our hearts.