Acceptance
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by trailmix 
I think that is a misunderstanding here, I am happy Awal is happy and also that Surfbee is happy! I can't believe that anyone here would ever begrudge someone their happiness.
This is clearly a case of miscommunication.
I would like to think that we can have these discussions but I guess not?
I wish EVERYONE well!
This is clearly a case of miscommunication.
I would like to think that we can have these discussions but I guess not?
I wish EVERYONE well!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Trailmix. you are NOT out of line. That post is right on the money.
Awal, if my crystal ball won't let me say bad things will happen, how does yours tell you that you're magic and special and immune to the problems that every other person in the world who lives w/an alcoholic suffers? Ever heard the term "terminal uniqueness"? Look it up....
Why did you come here looking for help in the first place? What sent you on an internet search for "alcoholism" or "drinking problem" or whatever term you used? I doubt you searched "relaxation" or "living in the now" or "happy marriage" and ended up at SR. Remember, WE didn't seek YOU out, YOU came HERE. What did you want?
It's way easier to cover it up and pretend there's no problem than it is to actually deal with it.
Awal, if my crystal ball won't let me say bad things will happen, how does yours tell you that you're magic and special and immune to the problems that every other person in the world who lives w/an alcoholic suffers? Ever heard the term "terminal uniqueness"? Look it up....
Why did you come here looking for help in the first place? What sent you on an internet search for "alcoholism" or "drinking problem" or whatever term you used? I doubt you searched "relaxation" or "living in the now" or "happy marriage" and ended up at SR. Remember, WE didn't seek YOU out, YOU came HERE. What did you want?
It's way easier to cover it up and pretend there's no problem than it is to actually deal with it.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
To enjoy good health,
to bring true happiness to one's family,
to bring peace to all,
one must first discipline and control one's own mind.
If a man can control his mind
he can find the way to Enlightenment,
and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
- Buddha
to bring true happiness to one's family,
to bring peace to all,
one must first discipline and control one's own mind.
If a man can control his mind
he can find the way to Enlightenment,
and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
- Buddha
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by honeypig
Trailmix. you are NOT out of line. That post is right on the money.
Awal, if my crystal ball won't let me say bad things will happen, how does yours tell you that you're magic and special and immune to the problems that every other person in the world who lives w/an alcoholic suffers? Ever heard the term "terminal uniqueness"? Look it up....
Why did you come here looking for help in the first place? What sent you on an internet search for "alcoholism" or "drinking problem" or whatever term you used? I doubt you searched "relaxation" or "living in the now" or "happy marriage" and ended up at SR. Remember, WE didn't seek YOU out, YOU came HERE. What did you want?
It's way easier to cover it up and pretend there's no problem than it is to actually deal with it.
Awal, if my crystal ball won't let me say bad things will happen, how does yours tell you that you're magic and special and immune to the problems that every other person in the world who lives w/an alcoholic suffers? Ever heard the term "terminal uniqueness"? Look it up....
Why did you come here looking for help in the first place? What sent you on an internet search for "alcoholism" or "drinking problem" or whatever term you used? I doubt you searched "relaxation" or "living in the now" or "happy marriage" and ended up at SR. Remember, WE didn't seek YOU out, YOU came HERE. What did you want?
It's way easier to cover it up and pretend there's no problem than it is to actually deal with it.
lt has been (and continues to be) an enormous help to me, and l have put posts on here thanking each and everyone for their insights and experiences.
l have been listening to Eckhart Tolle for years and through all the shock and upset of discovering my husband was hiding vodka etc last summer l didnt stop to think how "living in the now" could help with this. Then l saw some of Mangos posts (thank you Mango!) which talked about meditation and it guided me towards that path. Lets not forget lm on meds too which are reducing my stress levels. Im not pretending there isnt a problem because there obviously is, and l am dealing with it. Not by checking, searching, moaning, questioning...but by accepting it is something which is beyond my control. My husband is his own responsibility. And just for clarity, if for whatever reason the marriage becomes intolerable, l will continue to care for myself and take measures to remove myself from the relationship.
l didnt want this to become the debate it appears to have done, l just thought l would share something positive for once, something that might help others. I don't think lm out of the woods by any means but l am feeling relaxed in the woods for now. Maybe tomorrow l won't, maybe l will, l honestly dont know...and you certainly don't either.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by suki44883
If Awal has found a way to be comfortable within her marriage, I think everyone should accept that. She is the one living her life and if she is happy, then let her be happy!
I am glad you are happy, Awal. (((HUGS)))
I am glad you are happy, Awal. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Alcoholism truly is a family illness isn't it?. It affects everyone not just the alcoholic. I am the alcoholic and I never realised this until I got into recovery.
I like to read friends and family forums because it is important to me to see just how alcoholism affects others. Also, I believe my brother may be one as well who is still actively drinking and using. A couple of people shared in my meeting yesterday about family members still drinking and a friend of mine in recovery has an actively using (drugs) partner. We really are powerless over other people. The only person we can do anything about is ourselves. I know nobody could stop me drinking until I was ready to do it myself.
You have to do what is right for you Awal. Just you. It must be very hard to be in a relationship with an alcoholic and very painful. Take care of you.
The only thing I want to add is (and I really don't want to rain on your parade) but I am talking from my own experience here, that if your husband is truly alcoholic then things will more than likely get worse. I won't say definitely as I don't hold that crystal ball either but very likely.
However , as you rightly say, all any of us have is today. Take it day by day, look after yourself and I am sure more will be revealed to you in time about what is best for you.
X x
I like to read friends and family forums because it is important to me to see just how alcoholism affects others. Also, I believe my brother may be one as well who is still actively drinking and using. A couple of people shared in my meeting yesterday about family members still drinking and a friend of mine in recovery has an actively using (drugs) partner. We really are powerless over other people. The only person we can do anything about is ourselves. I know nobody could stop me drinking until I was ready to do it myself.
You have to do what is right for you Awal. Just you. It must be very hard to be in a relationship with an alcoholic and very painful. Take care of you.
The only thing I want to add is (and I really don't want to rain on your parade) but I am talking from my own experience here, that if your husband is truly alcoholic then things will more than likely get worse. I won't say definitely as I don't hold that crystal ball either but very likely.
However , as you rightly say, all any of us have is today. Take it day by day, look after yourself and I am sure more will be revealed to you in time about what is best for you.
X x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 543
Originally Posted by snitch
Alcoholism truly is a family illness isn't it?. It affects everyone not just the alcoholic. I am the alcoholic and I never realised this until I got into recovery.
I like to read friends and family forums because it is important to me to see just how alcoholism affects others. Also, I believe my brother may be one as well who is still actively drinking and using. A couple of people shared in my meeting yesterday about family members still drinking and a friend of mine in recovery has an actively using (drugs) partner. We really are powerless over other people. The only person we can do anything about is ourselves. I know nobody could stop me drinking until I was ready to do it myself.
You have to do what is right for you Awal. Just you. It must be very hard to be in a relationship with an alcoholic and very painful. Take care of you.
The only thing I want to add is (and I really don't want to rain on your parade) but I am talking from my own experience here, that if your husband is truly alcoholic then things will more than likely get worse. I won't say definitely as I don't hold that crystal ball either but very likely.
However , as you rightly say, all any of us have is today. Take it day by day, look after yourself and I am sure more will be revealed to you in time about what is best for you.
X x
I like to read friends and family forums because it is important to me to see just how alcoholism affects others. Also, I believe my brother may be one as well who is still actively drinking and using. A couple of people shared in my meeting yesterday about family members still drinking and a friend of mine in recovery has an actively using (drugs) partner. We really are powerless over other people. The only person we can do anything about is ourselves. I know nobody could stop me drinking until I was ready to do it myself.
You have to do what is right for you Awal. Just you. It must be very hard to be in a relationship with an alcoholic and very painful. Take care of you.
The only thing I want to add is (and I really don't want to rain on your parade) but I am talking from my own experience here, that if your husband is truly alcoholic then things will more than likely get worse. I won't say definitely as I don't hold that crystal ball either but very likely.
However , as you rightly say, all any of us have is today. Take it day by day, look after yourself and I am sure more will be revealed to you in time about what is best for you.
X x
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Good morning, everyone:
I have my own path, and I am the only person who can walk that path.
All of you have your own path that you are walking, too.
I can't make you walk your path in any particular way and you can't make me walk mine in a particular way.
As I experience life on my path, I can share that with you in hopes that you might glean something from my experiences. As you share about your paths, I hope to be able to learn something that may work for me, too, when I run into difficult times.
I do not fully know all that you are and have experienced on your paths both good and bad because that isn't possible to know through a computer screen. None of you fully know what I have been going through, either.
A quote one of our other Mods uses as his signature occasionally goes something like this:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."
I have my own path, and I am the only person who can walk that path.
All of you have your own path that you are walking, too.
I can't make you walk your path in any particular way and you can't make me walk mine in a particular way.
As I experience life on my path, I can share that with you in hopes that you might glean something from my experiences. As you share about your paths, I hope to be able to learn something that may work for me, too, when I run into difficult times.
I do not fully know all that you are and have experienced on your paths both good and bad because that isn't possible to know through a computer screen. None of you fully know what I have been going through, either.
A quote one of our other Mods uses as his signature occasionally goes something like this:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by snitch
The only thing I want to add is (and I really don't want to rain on your parade) but I am talking from my own experience here, that if your husband is truly alcoholic then things will more than likely get worse. I won't say definitely as I don't hold that crystal ball either but very likely.
I cannot be the only one noticing this.....
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