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Old 12-07-2018, 09:12 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Awal, My wife lived in silence with my drinking for to many years. I was an evening drinker. I had my own real estate appraisal business and never missed a day or an appointment or a deadline. I drank a pint of 100 proof something 4-5 times a week. Finally in May of this year, I looked into her eyes and saw the hurt I was causing. I felt so ashamed that I was causing that much hurt. Not from arguing but that I was destroying myself. I looked her in the eye and asked her if she was going to Al-anon because of me and not what she told me a few years ago. Her answer did not shock me. I stopped that evening and life became better for both of us. I pray that your husband reaches the same level of awareness as I did.
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Old 12-07-2018, 09:23 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Marcutah1 View Post
Awal, My wife lived in silence with my drinking for to many years. I was an evening drinker. I had my own real estate appraisal business and never missed a day or an appointment or a deadline. I drank a pint of 100 proof something 4-5 times a week. Finally in May of this year, I looked into her eyes and saw the hurt I was causing. I felt so ashamed that I was causing that much hurt. Not from arguing but that I was destroying myself. I looked her in the eye and asked her if she was going to Al-anon because of me and not what she told me a few years ago. Her answer did not shock me. I stopped that evening and life became better for both of us. I pray that your husband reaches the same level of awareness as I did.
Thank you, its nice to hear of a happy ending x
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Old 12-07-2018, 09:28 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Awal, does your husband have a job?

From your posts, he sounds like a belligerent teen who
is rebelling against mom .....
Hes retired. I think he is emotionally retarded in that he had an unhappy childhood and when he gets upset or angry now he resorts to his bedroom almost like he has been sent there for being naughty! He is emotionally adolescent. So you are not far off the mark. If l talk to him it is viewed by him as a scolding. He needs counselling for sure but he would never admit it.
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Old 12-07-2018, 09:36 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Hes retired. I think he is emotionally retarded in that he had an unhappy childhood and when he gets upset or angry now he resorts to his bedroom almost like he has been sent there for being naughty! He is emotionally adolescent. So you are not far off the mark. If l talk to him it is viewed by him as a scolding. He needs counselling for sure but he would never admit it.
Same with my wife!
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Old 12-07-2018, 10:33 AM   #25 (permalink)
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"Hes retired. I think he is emotionally retarded in that he had an unhappy childhood and when he gets upset or angry now he resorts to his bedroom almost like he has been sent there for being naughty! He is emotionally adolescent. So you are not far off the mark. If l talk to him it is viewed by him as a scolding. He needs counselling for sure but he would never admit it."

Knowing this about him, have you considered what effect your approach
to his alcoholism and emotional immaturity is having on your relationship?
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Old 12-07-2018, 12:39 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Sounds like you baited him. I get why we're so furious at alcoholics, but Alanon can be a big help in dealing with the anger in a more productive way.
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Old 12-07-2018, 12:47 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Thank you, its nice to hear of a happy ending x
It really is and I am happy for Marcutah and his wife.

If you go back and read his threads, he drank from his teens until his 60s (now).

It's not a quick process in all cases, I doubt there are many ah ha moments with addiction that are instantaneous. It would be GREAT if there were.

I think the point of the messages here are, what we want and what we can have are sometimes two different things. I might want to live in a mansion but what I can have is a modest house. Now, I can choose to take on a second job and save for that mansion or I can be content with my house. Either one of those is viable and are within my control.

If there was no second job available, I need to be content where I am. Alternately I could beat my head against my modest house wall and be discontented.

Those are your choices and what I see being said here. He is ok, you are not, you can accept that which you can't control or you can keep hitting it (verbally), won't make any difference except to cause you a lot of anger and resentment.
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