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Rant/Vent of the Day

Old 10-17-2018, 07:18 AM
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Rant/Vent of the Day

>>Rant On<<

AW was arrested earlier this month (Oct. 2018) and charged with her 4th DWI - although for reasons that are unclear she was released OR (on her own recognizance) without having to post bail. This time, however, her arrest followed a minor accident (at low speed in a parking lot); however, for the first time one of our children was in her vehicle (our pre-K).

I picked up our child from the police station (oh joyful experience that). And he was upset about mommy being arrested and thrown in jail (apparently she was a bit combative, but thankfully no "assaulted officer charges" were filed.

I told her if she were ever arrested again, I'd not be there to get her out of jail - and I told the officer that I preferred not to have her at the house because if she was still drunk and combative, it would only lead to a domestic disturbance call later. Also, the opposite of her being drunk and combative is weeping and wailing (been here before after an arrest) and, frankly, neither I nor our child needed the drama that night.

Long story short, other members of her family picked her up from jail, put her up in a hotel for a few days, and then, I guess, she voluntarily entered yet another rehab facility. I haven't spoken or communicated to her since early this month.

Her car (which, of course is OUR car) was impounded. So, the day after her arrest I retrieved that from the impound lot with the help of my eldest child (18 y.o,). Looked in the glovebox and there was a 750 ml bottle of Sky brand vodka in it. It maybe had one inch left in the bottom. There was a receipt in the plastic bag that indicated that she bought the bottle at noon -- and her arrest happened at about 7p.m. So, nearly an ENTIRE bottle of vodka in under 7 hours. WOW!!

Was visited by the Division of Family Services because AW was drunk with our child. Followed by a telephone call from same. Again, joyful.

Earlier this year, AW quit her job (excuse was boss was a bitch - which may be but who is "besties" with their boss?). So our income was cut by about 30%. To balance the loss of income (and health care coverage) it was agreed that she'd stay home to take care of our young son (to save on daycare expenses of $750 per month).

I sometimes travel for work - not so much overnight, but I may have to leave my home at 5:30 a.m., drive across state, do my thing, and drive back getting home by 6 or 7 pm. Given the short notice of her 4th arrest, I couldn't get my son back into his OLD daycare (no space) and couldn't find a new daycare situation -- and not sure how I would afford it anyway -- so my in-laws (with my consent) took my son to live with his uncle and aunt two states away. They have a young child and their daycare had a spot (and they're covering the cost) - it's a 30, 60, 90 day thing and we're playing it by ear.

Of course, this means that my son had to give up playing soccer with his team. A sport at which he seemed to have fun.

Oh, and this follows my AW's near death experience earlier this year - when she was hospitalized, put in the ICU, and placed on a ventilator because of an extremely complicated detox. Coming out of the hospital, she suffered from encephelopathy (sp?) meaning she had to relearn her balance, how to walk, and talk. And, at least, we had her disability insurance to cover some bills. And, yep, I missed a ton of work during this period dealing with all of the above.

But, weeks after coming home from that (nearly two months in the hospital and in physical rehab), she, quit her job, had stopped going to meetings, and I was finding bottles again.

In the meantime .... life must go on. Bills have to get paid, work has to be done, etc. Our oldest is a senior in HS and is looking forward to graduating in May 2019, prom, and college after that.

So, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right at the moment. Deep breaths in and out ....

And, oh yeah -- my eldest moved out of our house last year and settled (after a few weeks) at her grandparents. Why? Because she and her mother had a toxic relationship - not just arguments, but actual fighting with hands on throats, etc.

Fortunately, I've been able to keep her college plan on track by having her petition and obtain an order of full emancipation before she turned 18 y.o. This makes her eligible for more financial aid .... because, frankly, I've tapped out our savings paying for hospitals, rehabs, etc. Her financial aid should cover all of her tuition, fees, room, and board.

Not asking any questions. Don't need any "answers." I know what my options are.

Just wanting to vent/rant because I feel overwhelmed right at this moment as I drink my coffee this morning.

These are things that you can't really tell your "normal" friends, right?? It is sooooooo far removed from their experiences. Only the friends and relatives of other alcoholics "get" any of this.

Today, I'm just "tired" of carrying it all on my shoulders, ya know?? I'd like to be laying in a hospital bed getting fed those lovely narcotics that produce such vivid hallucinations -- ya know, like my AW had earlier this year.

I don't mean that ^^^ -- but still, it feels almost like I'm being punished for being the "responsible" parent.

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Old 10-17-2018, 07:25 AM
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Vent away friend. That is a lot going on. I pray for your children and I pray for you.

Keep sharing, you are not alone.
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Old 10-17-2018, 07:29 AM
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This is such a perfect place to vent. You are so right. People who have not lived through this have absolutely no idea what alcoholism does. As my recovering alcoholic partner says, "Why would they?" My heart goes out to you, and I do understand.
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Old 10-17-2018, 08:28 AM
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I totally "get" it.
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Old 10-17-2018, 08:31 AM
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That's a lot to process in a pretty short amount of time. What a rapid descent.

Originally Posted by MCESaint View Post
Today, I'm just "tired" of carrying it all on my shoulders, ya know?? I'd like to be laying in a hospital bed getting fed those lovely narcotics that produce such vivid hallucinations -- ya know, like my AW had earlier this year.

I don't mean that ^^^ -- but still, it feels almost like I'm being punished for being the "responsible" parent.
I've actually been thinking about this a LOT lately. Codie recovery seems so freaking unfair sometimes - there's no ROOM for it in Real Life.

It's awful to sometimes let our thoughts wander to ideas of voluntary lock-up & galling to think that it takes something akin to a "psychotic break" before we get to be taken seriously too.

I'm about over it myself - on my strong days I can let this roll off my back but sometimes it'd be amazing to be able to have a weak moment fully supported without it translating to "needing validation" or whatever other recovery-speak we want to throw at it.

Sometimes we just need a freaking hug.
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Old 10-17-2018, 10:15 AM
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Thanks every one.

I don't want to get too much into what I do for privacy issues, but sometimes for my work I do have to go into prisons, jails, etc.

I sometimes joke that I wouldn't mind being taken hostage in an inmate uprising because it would likely be calmer than what's actually happening to me in real life.

Just a combo of things today - personal life in upheaval and several work things that had been dormant all heating up at once.

No rest for the wicked.

Again, thanks.

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Old 10-17-2018, 12:20 PM
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Good luck, friend. As folks here told me, let go or be dragged.
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Old 10-17-2018, 12:51 PM
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I don't know about prison or jail, but I often think how lucky some of these people are to be going to the rehabs they go to. So many of us codies make sure they go to nice, swanky rehabs that mimic spas almost. That I could use!

Hang in there!!!

Originally Posted by MCESaint View Post
Thanks every one.

I don't want to get too much into what I do for privacy issues, but sometimes for my work I do have to go into prisons, jails, etc.

I sometimes joke that I wouldn't mind being taken hostage in an inmate uprising because it would likely be calmer than what's actually happening to me in real life.

Just a combo of things today - personal life in upheaval and several work things that had been dormant all heating up at once.

No rest for the wicked.

Again, thanks.

MCE Saint
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Old 10-17-2018, 01:48 PM
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I totally get it. Its absolutely exhausting being the responsible parent. Having to answer every single phone call, be available 24 - 7 because you are the only one your kids can count on, not to mention handling the mood of the house and those living there to keep everyone safe. Please take care of yourself and I really hope you have a couple of local friends that you can vent about the situation and who have your back at a moments notice. I found that when I started telling people what was going on and asking for help, people came out of the wood work to help me no questions asked. Best of luck
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Old 10-17-2018, 03:50 PM
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Well your plate is certainly overflowing.

Sorry to hear your story, but you certainly are a responsible parent, doing the absolute best you can in these circumstances. Your kids are so lucky to have such a committed parent.

I wish you peace.
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Old 10-17-2018, 06:53 PM
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"Today, I'm just "tired" of carrying it all on my shoulders, ya know?? I'd like to be laying in a hospital bed getting fed those lovely narcotics that produce such vivid hallucinations -- ya know, like my AW had earlier this year.

Don't feel bad for saying that. I had the same thought when I was visiting my AH in ICU and then the step-down room. He was laying there without a care in the world, speaking nonsense, and my mind was racing with all the ramifications of what he'd just done.

Not going to give you any answers or advice, just going to send you a virtual ((hug)). You're not alone. We get your crazy here.
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Old 10-18-2018, 03:18 AM
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Please don't hesitate to vent here anytime. That is part of the beauty of SR...being able to vent among people who understand! I'm sorry you have had to go through all this.

I know *you* know this, but you do have choices, and you do have choices and options. Only you can change the trajectory of your life. You and your children don't deserve to live in ongoing stress and chaos.

Please take good care!!
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