Wife Occasionally Binge Drinks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Wife Occasionally Binge Drinks
I’m not sure if I’m making a big deal out of something it’s not, but I’m worried enough to be on this site for some perspective. My wife of over 15 years has always been an occasional binge drinker (1-2 times per year) but there’s been an increase over the last two years, and it was happening every 4-6 weeks. Not necessarily enough to mean anything, except that my kids are getting older (tween and early teen) so they see her while drunk and one is really upset by it. She doesn’t seem to understand when she’s had too much, and she denies that she’s drunk when she clearly is at least heavily under the influence. The part that throughs me over the edge is that she will drive like this around town. One time she didn’t even know she drove. It was only a 2 minute ride but the fact is she did it. And there have been a few other times when she was about to drive but I stopped her. I’m worried this does or could happen with the kids in the car. She says it’s just a problem with hard alcohol since she can’t judge the amount she pours very well. So she says and has switched to wine and beer when at home but still thinks it’s okay to drink hard stuff when at a restaurant. I know she isn’t a big drinker at ALL in the scheme of things but I worry she is becoming a bad influence on the kids and that she occasionally drives when drunk or at least when she really shouldn’t be driving. She also starts crying in front of the kids when drunk and says stuff about how sad she is. Again, not necessarily a big deal but not really fair for the kids to see and hear this. I worry that things got worse over the past two years. After the most recent time she was drunk and denied but also drove (potentially with a kid in the car) I totally flipped out. Grabbed the keys from the ignition so she couldn’t drive home. Started a big fight. She says I want a divorce but I don’t. She doesn’t feel adequate and asked if she should move out, I said no. Lots more background to explain but I’ll stop for now because I’m just not sure if I’m reading into things way too much.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
jjfromama…..I don't think you are making too much of a deal out of this....in fact, I think you may be minimizing it too much (when you say "not necessarily a big deal")……
Alcoholism is progressive...which means that this will get worse
unless stopped by permanent abstainence…
Your children are at very vulnerable ages....and, will be affected by alcoholism in the home....
They will have to count on you to protect them, since you will be the responsible parent....you wife can't be right now, because alcohol is controlling her.....
She cannot be allowed to drive the kids or herself around in the family car...you are absolutely right about that!!
She could maim or kill herself and/or the kids...or someone else...and, additionally, destroy the family, financially in case of accidents.....
I know you really hate hearing all of this....and, I am sorry to have to be the carrier of these messages....but, this is a serious situation and serious situations need definite action.....
You are going to need a lot of help and support...
Alcoholism is progressive...which means that this will get worse
unless stopped by permanent abstainence…
Your children are at very vulnerable ages....and, will be affected by alcoholism in the home....
They will have to count on you to protect them, since you will be the responsible parent....you wife can't be right now, because alcohol is controlling her.....
She cannot be allowed to drive the kids or herself around in the family car...you are absolutely right about that!!
She could maim or kill herself and/or the kids...or someone else...and, additionally, destroy the family, financially in case of accidents.....
I know you really hate hearing all of this....and, I am sorry to have to be the carrier of these messages....but, this is a serious situation and serious situations need definite action.....
You are going to need a lot of help and support...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, jj.
Welcome.
Lots of support here.
As Dandy said, alcohol dependence can be progressive. We drink more and more to get to that “good” place.
No expert here, but it sounds from your description that that is what is happening with your spouse.
I recommend learning more about alcohol dependence/addiction (what used to be called alcoholism, now designated as alcohol use disorder in medical parlance)
Because knowledge is power.
Please do what you have to do so that your wife does not get behind the wheel when she is impaired.
An accident that harms or kills someone by a buzzed or drunk driver will change everyone’s life profoundly.
Good luck. Keep coming back.
Welcome.
Lots of support here.
As Dandy said, alcohol dependence can be progressive. We drink more and more to get to that “good” place.
No expert here, but it sounds from your description that that is what is happening with your spouse.
I recommend learning more about alcohol dependence/addiction (what used to be called alcoholism, now designated as alcohol use disorder in medical parlance)
Because knowledge is power.
Please do what you have to do so that your wife does not get behind the wheel when she is impaired.
An accident that harms or kills someone by a buzzed or drunk driver will change everyone’s life profoundly.
Good luck. Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
jj, I don't think you are reading too much into it, your wife's behavior sounds extremely troubling.
I was married to an alcoholic for a long time. He would drive after drinking all the time. It scared the heck out of me, for many different reasons. Of course safety was my immediate concern, but also the potential financial fall out...the threat of DUIs, jail etc and what that would mean to his employment... how he would deal with it if he actually hurt or killed someone.... so much negative to worry about. That worry was driving me crazy, literally.
Whether your wife is an "actual" alcoholic or not isn't really the issue. Her drinking is troubling to you. ( And dangerous to other people if she's driving drunk) Your feeling upset about her drinking is valid no matter how much or how often she consumes alcohol. Your feelings matter. Your instincts matter, please listen to them. It all mattered enough to you that you were researching the situation and found your way to us... that wasn't for nothing.
It is quite common around here for people to come to the realization that the alcoholics in our lives have been drinking a whole lot more then we realized. Alcoholism is a very cunning disease and turns our loved ones into very sneaky, deceitful people when they are actively drinking.
You can not control her drinking. You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. You can however set boundaries for your own sanity and your children's safety.
You are among people here who understand your concerns regarding your wife. I hope you stick around for support.
I was married to an alcoholic for a long time. He would drive after drinking all the time. It scared the heck out of me, for many different reasons. Of course safety was my immediate concern, but also the potential financial fall out...the threat of DUIs, jail etc and what that would mean to his employment... how he would deal with it if he actually hurt or killed someone.... so much negative to worry about. That worry was driving me crazy, literally.
Whether your wife is an "actual" alcoholic or not isn't really the issue. Her drinking is troubling to you. ( And dangerous to other people if she's driving drunk) Your feeling upset about her drinking is valid no matter how much or how often she consumes alcohol. Your feelings matter. Your instincts matter, please listen to them. It all mattered enough to you that you were researching the situation and found your way to us... that wasn't for nothing.
It is quite common around here for people to come to the realization that the alcoholics in our lives have been drinking a whole lot more then we realized. Alcoholism is a very cunning disease and turns our loved ones into very sneaky, deceitful people when they are actively drinking.
You can not control her drinking. You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. You can however set boundaries for your own sanity and your children's safety.
You are among people here who understand your concerns regarding your wife. I hope you stick around for support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i read a lot of attempts to minimize the gravity of situation....not that big a deal, etc. and yet you know inside this IS a big deal. it's not just that she binge drinks "occasionally" but it sounds that she also drinks in between the binges, meaning that she is drinking on a "regular" basis, sometimes more, sometimes less.
you have already witnessed progression.....for a while it was "just" once or twice a year, then more recently things have increased. more events over shorter periods of time. she is being reckless with herself by drunk driving, and absolutely criminal by attempting to drive drunk with children in the car. willfully endangering herself, her children and the general public.
a hallmark of problem drinking, disordered drinking, alcoholism is DENIAL. deny, minimize, deflect, rationalize, excuse. this indicates her desire to PROTECT her drinking, as it has become a priority to her. and that's a tough nut to crack.
we can't talk folks out of it. we can't yell them out of it. threaten, bargain, plead, beg. the haunted look of a child's face barely registers.
for right now, know that you ARE seeing what you see. take what steps you can to assure the children are NEVER in the car with her. make sure they feel supported in refusing to get IN the car, and know that they can call you at any time they do not feel safe.
you have already witnessed progression.....for a while it was "just" once or twice a year, then more recently things have increased. more events over shorter periods of time. she is being reckless with herself by drunk driving, and absolutely criminal by attempting to drive drunk with children in the car. willfully endangering herself, her children and the general public.
a hallmark of problem drinking, disordered drinking, alcoholism is DENIAL. deny, minimize, deflect, rationalize, excuse. this indicates her desire to PROTECT her drinking, as it has become a priority to her. and that's a tough nut to crack.
we can't talk folks out of it. we can't yell them out of it. threaten, bargain, plead, beg. the haunted look of a child's face barely registers.
for right now, know that you ARE seeing what you see. take what steps you can to assure the children are NEVER in the car with her. make sure they feel supported in refusing to get IN the car, and know that they can call you at any time they do not feel safe.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
JJ,
Welcome, glad you reached out. Titles are just titles, is she an alcoholic or not, doesn't really matter. Her behavior is causing problems in your marriage and at home. I am sure she has done stuff to your kids that is "wacky", and they don't understand. Depending on their age, open up lines of communication to them. My kids knew from the time they were little that Dad had a drinking problem. It would explain having a beer on his desk at noon, or why he would be pestering them when he was drunk. They were aware of his disease and I feel that it was in their DNA, so they knew the earlier they started partying that it could end up being an issue. I have no regrets discussing this with them and not shielding this away from them. We did not have the white elephant in the room at our house.
So back to dealing with your spouse. Are you seeking out any support, alanon or open aa meetings or an addiction therapist. Obviously your wife is trying to "negotiate" and "control" what she is drinking, so she understands that she "might" have a problem. But recognizing and doing something about a drinking problem could be years apart. Education is power. You will understand how this disease is progressive and will get worse. (as it has over the last couple years). We are only bystanders to this horrible disease, but can also take us down with them)
Work on support for you and your kids because sobriety is a one man show. Keep posting, reading all over this forum and you and your kiddos will be ok.
(((((((hugs)))))))))))
Welcome, glad you reached out. Titles are just titles, is she an alcoholic or not, doesn't really matter. Her behavior is causing problems in your marriage and at home. I am sure she has done stuff to your kids that is "wacky", and they don't understand. Depending on their age, open up lines of communication to them. My kids knew from the time they were little that Dad had a drinking problem. It would explain having a beer on his desk at noon, or why he would be pestering them when he was drunk. They were aware of his disease and I feel that it was in their DNA, so they knew the earlier they started partying that it could end up being an issue. I have no regrets discussing this with them and not shielding this away from them. We did not have the white elephant in the room at our house.
So back to dealing with your spouse. Are you seeking out any support, alanon or open aa meetings or an addiction therapist. Obviously your wife is trying to "negotiate" and "control" what she is drinking, so she understands that she "might" have a problem. But recognizing and doing something about a drinking problem could be years apart. Education is power. You will understand how this disease is progressive and will get worse. (as it has over the last couple years). We are only bystanders to this horrible disease, but can also take us down with them)
Work on support for you and your kids because sobriety is a one man show. Keep posting, reading all over this forum and you and your kiddos will be ok.
(((((((hugs)))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
I don't think you are making too much out of it. Your wife has a problem. In my mind- if you are drinking and driving- you have a problem. If you are drinking and driving with a child in the car = you have a big problem. Welcome- you will get good advice here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Get some support for yourself and the kids. AlAnon is a good place to be to learn how to protect yourself and the kids. I would not let her drive, with or without the kids, if she's been drinking. The possibility of tragedy is too great. 
No, you are not making too much out of it.
No, you are not making too much out of it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 10
Thanks for everyone’s comments!
Ever since I freaked out at her in early June for potentially driving under some influence either alone and possibly with the kids, things have been better. At first, she talked about her drinking a lot and that she wasn’t going to have vodka anymore. She felt compelled to tell me whenever she had a clear drink at home that it was just seltzer (which was true). She was irritated that she thought I’d always wonder what was in the glass and that she felt like I was watching her. Truth be told, I was watching and I continue to watch to see what she’s drinking. One of the reasons she is being “good”lately is because she r ally seems to understand this is a big problem, for me at least. BTW I reluctantly told her I declined a coworker’s wedding invitation recently because I was embarrassed to be with her when she’s had too much to drink. I hadn’t planned to tell her that, but it wound up being very helpful since it explained how much of a problem I perceived her drinking to be.
Today we out for lunch and she considered ordering a drink. She asked if I was having something and I said no, and she decided not to drink either. I felt like I did something right/helpful by consciously not drinking either. I heard recently that one of the best things to do is to never drink while in her presence, even if she is drinking. That sounds like a good strategy and easy for me to follow since I don’t usually care much about drinking for myself. But what do I say if we are out and she asks me it I mind if she orders a drink? She seems to think we agreed it was okay for her to order a drink with hard alcohol when we’re at a restaurant. I am comfortable she would only have one or two at the most since it gets expensive, and I know she could handle that amount especially since I’d be driving. But what should I say to her? On the one hand, I’m totally okay with her getting a drink or two in that situation since it’s controlled and safe (bartenders won’t give too much, and I’d drive). But I thought it’s a bad idea to drink at all, right? Am I giving a mixed message by saying yes, it’s okay to order a drink?
It’s very helpful to read everyone’s comments. My only worry is that since things seem to be totally under control, I’m second guessing myself and I still worry I’m making a big deal out of this. Yes, I know any potential drinking and driving is a huge deal, but if that’s stopped completely and there hasn’t been any binge drinking at all for 6 or 7 weeks, then is the crisis over? Or will she inevitably binge drink again?
Thanks for everyone’s kind thoughts!
Ever since I freaked out at her in early June for potentially driving under some influence either alone and possibly with the kids, things have been better. At first, she talked about her drinking a lot and that she wasn’t going to have vodka anymore. She felt compelled to tell me whenever she had a clear drink at home that it was just seltzer (which was true). She was irritated that she thought I’d always wonder what was in the glass and that she felt like I was watching her. Truth be told, I was watching and I continue to watch to see what she’s drinking. One of the reasons she is being “good”lately is because she r ally seems to understand this is a big problem, for me at least. BTW I reluctantly told her I declined a coworker’s wedding invitation recently because I was embarrassed to be with her when she’s had too much to drink. I hadn’t planned to tell her that, but it wound up being very helpful since it explained how much of a problem I perceived her drinking to be.
Today we out for lunch and she considered ordering a drink. She asked if I was having something and I said no, and she decided not to drink either. I felt like I did something right/helpful by consciously not drinking either. I heard recently that one of the best things to do is to never drink while in her presence, even if she is drinking. That sounds like a good strategy and easy for me to follow since I don’t usually care much about drinking for myself. But what do I say if we are out and she asks me it I mind if she orders a drink? She seems to think we agreed it was okay for her to order a drink with hard alcohol when we’re at a restaurant. I am comfortable she would only have one or two at the most since it gets expensive, and I know she could handle that amount especially since I’d be driving. But what should I say to her? On the one hand, I’m totally okay with her getting a drink or two in that situation since it’s controlled and safe (bartenders won’t give too much, and I’d drive). But I thought it’s a bad idea to drink at all, right? Am I giving a mixed message by saying yes, it’s okay to order a drink?
It’s very helpful to read everyone’s comments. My only worry is that since things seem to be totally under control, I’m second guessing myself and I still worry I’m making a big deal out of this. Yes, I know any potential drinking and driving is a huge deal, but if that’s stopped completely and there hasn’t been any binge drinking at all for 6 or 7 weeks, then is the crisis over? Or will she inevitably binge drink again?
Thanks for everyone’s kind thoughts!
Last edited by jjfromma; 07-28-2018 at 08:26 PM. Reason: Forgot to include something
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
jjfromma…...I think that a good strategy for you, is to begin with your own education.....about alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones...…
Fortunately, we have an library of excellent articles on this, here at SR. Over 100 articles.....enough for you to read and digest one every day....lol...….
Our library is also contained in the "stickies---just above the threads.
I am giving you the link to these articles, for your convenience...
Fortunately, we have an library of excellent articles on this, here at SR. Over 100 articles.....enough for you to read and digest one every day....lol...….
Our library is also contained in the "stickies---just above the threads.
I am giving you the link to these articles, for your convenience...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Originally Posted by dandylion 
jjfromma…...I think that a good strategy for you, is to begin with your own education.....about alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones...…
Fortunately, we have an library of excellent articles on this, here at SR. Over 100 articles.....enough for you to read and digest one every day....lol...….
Our library is also contained in the "stickies---just above the threads.
I am giving you the link to these articles, for your convenience...
Fortunately, we have an library of excellent articles on this, here at SR. Over 100 articles.....enough for you to read and digest one every day....lol...….
Our library is also contained in the "stickies---just above the threads.
I am giving you the link to these articles, for your convenience...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
jjfomma…..Iol...I wrote you a long, several paragraph post...and the computer ate it!!...Grrr.
Oh, well...I have probably overloaded you with too much to absorb, right now anyway.
to answer one of your questions...yes, she will eventually binge drink, again, I believe. I think she is probably white knuckling it, right now. Alcoholics can, sometimes, white knuckle it for long periods of time.....
You might as well use this time to learn all you can, so that you will have the information that you need, for later....
I recommend the following books....
1. "Co-Dependent No More".....a good and easy read...a classic, around here....
2 "The Addicted Brain"....by Michael Kuhar…..has the latest research on the effects of alcohol on the brain....it will answer a lot of questions about why the alcoholic behaves in some of the ways that they do....
Oh, well...I have probably overloaded you with too much to absorb, right now anyway.
to answer one of your questions...yes, she will eventually binge drink, again, I believe. I think she is probably white knuckling it, right now. Alcoholics can, sometimes, white knuckle it for long periods of time.....
You might as well use this time to learn all you can, so that you will have the information that you need, for later....
I recommend the following books....
1. "Co-Dependent No More".....a good and easy read...a classic, around here....
2 "The Addicted Brain"....by Michael Kuhar…..has the latest research on the effects of alcohol on the brain....it will answer a lot of questions about why the alcoholic behaves in some of the ways that they do....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Honestly, JJ, I would avoid getting into a bargaining position over when she can or can't drink. It just puts you in a position of being the Drunk Police, which is not only unsustainable and misery-making, it absolves her of the responsibility of understanding her own issue.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
Try to remember those three Cs:
You didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it and you can't Control it.
Almost all of us here have spent a great deal of time, usually years, some of us decades, trying to keep control over the drinker and the situations we find ourselves in because of that drinker. I myself got very sick with codependence while trying to hold together the semblance of a "normal" life. It was exhausting in every sense of the word. It was never my place to decide for him whether he should drink or not. He was an adult, that choice was up to him. I depleted so much of my own strength trying to manage him.
Of course everybody's life is different. We all have unique qualities and personalities. Different things define the relationships in our lives.... but one common thread runs through most first time poster's threads... We all land here at SRF&F wanting to know what we can say or do in order help or fix or prevent our loved one from problematic drinking and/or drugging. We come here seeking wisdom from those that have gone before us hoping they will have the magical answers. We want to hear only good news regarding our situation, which is completely understandable! Unfortunately by the time someone actually googles something akin to; "how can I stop my spouse from drinking", they already know deep in their bones there is a big problem or, at the very least, the potential for a big problem.
We don't know whether your wife will develop into a full blown alcoholic or not, we can't answer that. But based on what I've lived through, and what I have seen repeated a thousand times (or more) here at SRF&F I would be extremely shocked if your wife never had another episode of binge drinking. My AXH could sometimes go a few months without drinking, which made it all the more devastating when it happened yet again. It is a baffling disease, and it is not anything we as spouses have any actual ability to control.
I hope your wife makes wiser choices then my AXH did... and I also hope, if she doesn't, you make wiser choices than I did.
You didn't Cause it, you can't Cure it and you can't Control it.
Almost all of us here have spent a great deal of time, usually years, some of us decades, trying to keep control over the drinker and the situations we find ourselves in because of that drinker. I myself got very sick with codependence while trying to hold together the semblance of a "normal" life. It was exhausting in every sense of the word. It was never my place to decide for him whether he should drink or not. He was an adult, that choice was up to him. I depleted so much of my own strength trying to manage him.
Of course everybody's life is different. We all have unique qualities and personalities. Different things define the relationships in our lives.... but one common thread runs through most first time poster's threads... We all land here at SRF&F wanting to know what we can say or do in order help or fix or prevent our loved one from problematic drinking and/or drugging. We come here seeking wisdom from those that have gone before us hoping they will have the magical answers. We want to hear only good news regarding our situation, which is completely understandable! Unfortunately by the time someone actually googles something akin to; "how can I stop my spouse from drinking", they already know deep in their bones there is a big problem or, at the very least, the potential for a big problem.
We don't know whether your wife will develop into a full blown alcoholic or not, we can't answer that. But based on what I've lived through, and what I have seen repeated a thousand times (or more) here at SRF&F I would be extremely shocked if your wife never had another episode of binge drinking. My AXH could sometimes go a few months without drinking, which made it all the more devastating when it happened yet again. It is a baffling disease, and it is not anything we as spouses have any actual ability to control.
I hope your wife makes wiser choices then my AXH did... and I also hope, if she doesn't, you make wiser choices than I did.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I believe that your spouse’s tacit or overt turning to you as to whether she can or should have a drink is a slippery slope.
This is really her issue to manage or not.
Early on, we all want to manage the situation, but it is truly not in your hands.
She will drink or she won’t.
Agree with the other posters that she is trying to ramp down the drinking, probably because you have expressed your concerns forcefully, but, unless and until your spouse accepts that drinking is affecting her health, your marriage, your social life, and your children’s lives, there really isnt much you can do.
Do you go to Al-Anon meetings?
Could be a game changer.
This is really her issue to manage or not.
Early on, we all want to manage the situation, but it is truly not in your hands.
She will drink or she won’t.
Agree with the other posters that she is trying to ramp down the drinking, probably because you have expressed your concerns forcefully, but, unless and until your spouse accepts that drinking is affecting her health, your marriage, your social life, and your children’s lives, there really isnt much you can do.
Do you go to Al-Anon meetings?
Could be a game changer.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I am comfortable she would only have one or two at the most since it gets expensive, and I know she could handle that amount especially since I’d be driving. But what should I say to her? On the one hand, I’m totally okay with her getting a drink or two in that situation since it’s controlled and safe (bartenders won’t give too much, and I’d drive). But I thought it’s a bad idea to drink at all, right? Am I giving a mixed message by saying yes, it’s okay to order a drink?
you are under the illusion that you can set up a "controlled, safe" environment for her to drink. the problem is not where or when she drinks, but THAT she drinks. any amount of alcohol continues to feed the beast. she cannot CONTROL it. if she COULD, she would.
it is not your job to give her permission to drink. that puts the onus of the results on you. that also alleviates her of the choices she makes and the consequences. her problem is not the type of alcohol they serve at the bar or restaurant. it's not whether it's hard alcohol, beer, wine, etc. it's ALCOHOL period.
you are under the illusion that you can set up a "controlled, safe" environment for her to drink. the problem is not where or when she drinks, but THAT she drinks. any amount of alcohol continues to feed the beast. she cannot CONTROL it. if she COULD, she would.
it is not your job to give her permission to drink. that puts the onus of the results on you. that also alleviates her of the choices she makes and the consequences. her problem is not the type of alcohol they serve at the bar or restaurant. it's not whether it's hard alcohol, beer, wine, etc. it's ALCOHOL period.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Hi jjfromma and welcome.
I so agree with what has been posted so far.
In reading your post (and please understand this is not criticism) I see a bunch of - she asks, I permit, I try to control this, what can I control more to keep all of this in my control as I see her as out of control.
In other words I see a lot of attempted control lol
Few things to be concerned about there. She is you wife not your child. You don't actually get to control her life (nor should you want to). I realize that your actions are meant to be kind and loving, not coming from a bad place, but they are destructive none-the-less (for you and for her).
You are responsible to protect yourself and your children from the results of her drinking. That's it. Any support you want to provide to her that she requests (driving her to an AA meeting, researching rehab with her etc), well that's up to you, of course.
Drinking, generally, is a sign of a bigger problem. It's not the vodka it's not the beer or wine, she is struggling here, she needs help, from professionals (if she wants it!). Again, you cannot control this, that decision is up to her.
Controlling vodka is not going to fix this.
I so agree with what has been posted so far.
In reading your post (and please understand this is not criticism) I see a bunch of - she asks, I permit, I try to control this, what can I control more to keep all of this in my control as I see her as out of control.
In other words I see a lot of attempted control lol
Few things to be concerned about there. She is you wife not your child. You don't actually get to control her life (nor should you want to). I realize that your actions are meant to be kind and loving, not coming from a bad place, but they are destructive none-the-less (for you and for her).
You are responsible to protect yourself and your children from the results of her drinking. That's it. Any support you want to provide to her that she requests (driving her to an AA meeting, researching rehab with her etc), well that's up to you, of course.
She also starts crying in front of the kids when drunk and says stuff about how sad she is. Again, not necessarily a big deal but not really fair for the kids to see and hear this.
Controlling vodka is not going to fix this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 223
Hi JJ. My XAH is a binge drinker also. I’ve been on this board for over a year and pretty much everything these people have said has happened. The binges have gotten worse and the frequency has overall increased. He still does white knuckle it for periods of time but the path always leads back to drinking. I never thought he would drive with the kids or jeopardize his job. Until he did. Several times. That’s when I woke up and left because I realized that it was clearly a problem to me and not to him.
Best wishes. It sucks.
Best wishes. It sucks.
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