... and some bad news
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Hi COD and others,
Here's the short(ish) update:
Ex continues to be a problem. The texts threatening me with jail and prosecution have fallen off, but he has made a court application to have immediate unsupervised access to Kid. I think the odds of his success are vanishingly small - what part of "refused detox", "seizures" and "suicidal ideation" conveys the capacity to be responsible for a child? - but because everyone gets their day in court, I will again have to take an afternoon off work, pay my lawyer and go down to the courthouse to see if he's going to bother to show up. His former BFF has provided sworn evidence for my side which corroborates what we already know - he's not capable of parenting in his current condition.
Ex now has a court order requiring him to pay me ongoing child support as well as in the neighbourhood of $25K in retroactive child support from the past year and a half, but is not complying, so once the bureaucratic wheels start turning, his salary (what remains of it) will be garnished. This will probably set him off again.
I got a call from security at the place where I work, advising me to work from home earlier this week because ex had been summoned to a meeting with high-ups in HR (we work for the same organization, although ex hasn't been at work for two years, stringing together dubious medical excuses - although that may now be coming to an end and he may be set up for full termination of employment). The head of security thought there was a chance that ex might make trouble for me because he blames me for the end of his career. So I had to wait for the "all clear" - ex has left the premises, it's safe for me to come in to work. In my office. Where I have worked for 15 years. Where I have never caused a problem. My co-workers and manager know all about this and they are great (and fortunately I have a good reputation at work, because it's a very gossipy industry), but I still do not like having the label "ex-wife of crazy drunk stalker-type person" attached to my forehead.
Kid does not want to talk about her father or any of his issues, so unless there's a crisis, we don't. She's willing to see him on short supervised visits but without a whole lot of enthusiasm. I am definitely seeing a change there. Fortunately, she has an excellent counsellor who has spent years working with addicts and their families.
It all still feels overwhelming and like I can't get away from him, but I keep going one day at a time. My executive functioning capacity is in good shape and his is not, so ultimately he's not going to get his way, but "ultimately" feels like a very long time to wait.
Here's the short(ish) update:
Ex continues to be a problem. The texts threatening me with jail and prosecution have fallen off, but he has made a court application to have immediate unsupervised access to Kid. I think the odds of his success are vanishingly small - what part of "refused detox", "seizures" and "suicidal ideation" conveys the capacity to be responsible for a child? - but because everyone gets their day in court, I will again have to take an afternoon off work, pay my lawyer and go down to the courthouse to see if he's going to bother to show up. His former BFF has provided sworn evidence for my side which corroborates what we already know - he's not capable of parenting in his current condition.
Ex now has a court order requiring him to pay me ongoing child support as well as in the neighbourhood of $25K in retroactive child support from the past year and a half, but is not complying, so once the bureaucratic wheels start turning, his salary (what remains of it) will be garnished. This will probably set him off again.
I got a call from security at the place where I work, advising me to work from home earlier this week because ex had been summoned to a meeting with high-ups in HR (we work for the same organization, although ex hasn't been at work for two years, stringing together dubious medical excuses - although that may now be coming to an end and he may be set up for full termination of employment). The head of security thought there was a chance that ex might make trouble for me because he blames me for the end of his career. So I had to wait for the "all clear" - ex has left the premises, it's safe for me to come in to work. In my office. Where I have worked for 15 years. Where I have never caused a problem. My co-workers and manager know all about this and they are great (and fortunately I have a good reputation at work, because it's a very gossipy industry), but I still do not like having the label "ex-wife of crazy drunk stalker-type person" attached to my forehead.
Kid does not want to talk about her father or any of his issues, so unless there's a crisis, we don't. She's willing to see him on short supervised visits but without a whole lot of enthusiasm. I am definitely seeing a change there. Fortunately, she has an excellent counsellor who has spent years working with addicts and their families.
It all still feels overwhelming and like I can't get away from him, but I keep going one day at a time. My executive functioning capacity is in good shape and his is not, so ultimately he's not going to get his way, but "ultimately" feels like a very long time to wait.
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