... and some bad news
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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... and some bad news
A couple of days ago, I posted that I had obtained a court order for primary residence and child support against alcoholic ex, legalizing and securing the status quo that has existed since he melted down 18 months ago. Now comes the backlash.
One of ex's friends contacted me yesterday morning to say that ex had been taken to the psych ER by police after threatening suicide with knives (and sending a lot of drunk and delusional texts). I communicated with a couple of his friends, they weren't aware that he had had this court order made against him the preceding day but both said they thought this was the likely catalyst for this crisis.
Ex also texted me, explaining how an "intestinal virus" had "affected his medication" so that he was hallucinating, but he really wasn't suicidal or dangerous. His girlfriend was just overreacting to the knives when she called the cops, and some "highly qualified" psychiatrists in the ER had confirmed that he was just fine, nothing to see here folks. (In a line that should go in some "morbid quackers" thread, he told me he wasn't actually suicidal, he just thought he might be suicidal because of his meds which convinced him he should commit suicide. But he wasn't really going to. If you can figure that one out, let me know).
He wanted to see Kid so he could "explain" his hospitalization. I said only if I'm present and it's in a public place, and we set a time to meet.
Two hours before the meeting time, Kid told me she did not want to see her father and that he "creeped her out". She did not want to know anything about his hospitalization (the most recent of many). This is a first - Kid has never shown any reluctance or disinclination to see him. This is the first time she has set any sort of boundary. I said all right, I will hear whatever your father has to say and you don't have to come. Ex threw a fit on text and voicemail. He did not show for the meeting.
So tomorrow - call lawyer, find out about restraining orders.
I will keep you all posted.
One of ex's friends contacted me yesterday morning to say that ex had been taken to the psych ER by police after threatening suicide with knives (and sending a lot of drunk and delusional texts). I communicated with a couple of his friends, they weren't aware that he had had this court order made against him the preceding day but both said they thought this was the likely catalyst for this crisis.
Ex also texted me, explaining how an "intestinal virus" had "affected his medication" so that he was hallucinating, but he really wasn't suicidal or dangerous. His girlfriend was just overreacting to the knives when she called the cops, and some "highly qualified" psychiatrists in the ER had confirmed that he was just fine, nothing to see here folks. (In a line that should go in some "morbid quackers" thread, he told me he wasn't actually suicidal, he just thought he might be suicidal because of his meds which convinced him he should commit suicide. But he wasn't really going to. If you can figure that one out, let me know).
He wanted to see Kid so he could "explain" his hospitalization. I said only if I'm present and it's in a public place, and we set a time to meet.
Two hours before the meeting time, Kid told me she did not want to see her father and that he "creeped her out". She did not want to know anything about his hospitalization (the most recent of many). This is a first - Kid has never shown any reluctance or disinclination to see him. This is the first time she has set any sort of boundary. I said all right, I will hear whatever your father has to say and you don't have to come. Ex threw a fit on text and voicemail. He did not show for the meeting.
So tomorrow - call lawyer, find out about restraining orders.
I will keep you all posted.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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that is just some crazy @ss stuff there. just.....all of it.
if i see one "good" thing here, it's kiddo beginning to "see" him differently......total whack job. i realize that will have it's own repercussions but FOR NOW she's perhaps reached her own limit.
the man really needs long term psychiatric care somewhere far far away. i am so sorry you still have to DEAL with this nonsense....but you are getting the wagons circled and slowly gaining ground.
if i see one "good" thing here, it's kiddo beginning to "see" him differently......total whack job. i realize that will have it's own repercussions but FOR NOW she's perhaps reached her own limit.
the man really needs long term psychiatric care somewhere far far away. i am so sorry you still have to DEAL with this nonsense....but you are getting the wagons circled and slowly gaining ground.
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Wow! Well, I am happy for your daughter that she expressed what she wanted as far as a boundary is concerned. That's great!!
Mr. Sparkles? Well, agreed...he needs help. Intensive, professional help. I hope that he gets it.
Good luck with the restraining order tomorrow!
Mr. Sparkles? Well, agreed...he needs help. Intensive, professional help. I hope that he gets it.
Good luck with the restraining order tomorrow!
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...and another update: while I was out grocery shopping, Kid said she was getting texts from her father saying he needed to give her something. Kid said she wasn't home (in reality, she was home). Right after that, I got a call from the front-door intercom of my building (I live in a condo complex) from a woman claiming to have a delivery for "Kid Ex'sLastName" and asking to be let in. I told her to leave the package in the lobby and I would come and get it. When I came down there was no package. I am 99% sure that this was ex's current girlfriend (the meth addict/rehab romance), as Kid doesn't go by Ex'sLastName, and I don't know any couriers who deliver on Sunday nights.
I am definitely seeking a restraining order tomorrow.
I am definitely seeking a restraining order tomorrow.
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty 
OMG.... that's both terrifying and infuriating.....Any chance there is video footage of the lobby in your complex?
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways
Ugh Sasha. I suppose there is a glimmer in the idea that the situation is progressing and thus should be coming out the other end at some point.
I'm not sure if this made sense. Big hug to you.
I'm not sure if this made sense. Big hug to you.
And the other positive is Kid saying she doesn't want to see her father. I absolutely did not encourage or prompt her to arrive at this point - I have facilitated visits with her father for a year and a half, probably much longer than I should have, and have waited for Kid to figure things out on her own, while worrying about whether she would ever do so. It appears that that may have been the right strategy. She says she feels really bad about disappointing her father and what if that makes him drink more? I told her that the most important thing for her to do is to take care of herself, and that other people's feelings (and drinking/not drinking) are not as important as looking after herself. Thanks, Al-Anon!
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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I have followed your story somewhat and I don’t usually share on this side but I am a double winner—RA and my ex is an abusive alcoholic and addict and father of my young son. I went through something similar almost a year ago with my ex. Behavior from him became wilder until he ended up with a serious medical incident that left him in a medically-induced coma. I still don’t know exactly what happened as I had kicked him out several weeks prior. (The catalyst.)
I had tried to get a restraining order right before his incident for all the verbal and text harassment but apparently because he didn’t outright threaten to hurt me, it wasn’t enough to grant the order. Even though he has guns while drinking and using drugs and a history of domestic violence. I’m sure yours will get granted as it sounds like the ex’s gf actually came into your lobby or to the door at minimum.
But it sounds like your ex is going to crash and burn soon if he doesn’t seek help. I knew my ex would, there was no way someone could keep that pace I thought, and I was right; he is lucky to be alive, and will never be the same (which is good in many ways!) His cunning, conniving, evil, abusive ways seem to have disappeared (along with his humor, social skills etc). I say seem because I will never trust that man.
Now I have full custody of our son, get no child support at all as the ex is still fighting for disability and is unable to work. But I have support of family and friends and am doing well now. It has been a tough couple years but honestly, everything has worked out in my favor. Was facing bankruptcy but Sold my home for profit to pay off debt that I had incurred supporting us (and his other children!) while he didn’t work.
You are doing a good job Sasha and fighting a hard battle. Keep doing the next right thing for you and Kid. First thing, safety. Hugs to you and Kid.
I had tried to get a restraining order right before his incident for all the verbal and text harassment but apparently because he didn’t outright threaten to hurt me, it wasn’t enough to grant the order. Even though he has guns while drinking and using drugs and a history of domestic violence. I’m sure yours will get granted as it sounds like the ex’s gf actually came into your lobby or to the door at minimum.
But it sounds like your ex is going to crash and burn soon if he doesn’t seek help. I knew my ex would, there was no way someone could keep that pace I thought, and I was right; he is lucky to be alive, and will never be the same (which is good in many ways!) His cunning, conniving, evil, abusive ways seem to have disappeared (along with his humor, social skills etc). I say seem because I will never trust that man.
Now I have full custody of our son, get no child support at all as the ex is still fighting for disability and is unable to work. But I have support of family and friends and am doing well now. It has been a tough couple years but honestly, everything has worked out in my favor. Was facing bankruptcy but Sold my home for profit to pay off debt that I had incurred supporting us (and his other children!) while he didn’t work.
You are doing a good job Sasha and fighting a hard battle. Keep doing the next right thing for you and Kid. First thing, safety. Hugs to you and Kid.
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I don't think it is a coincidence your dd has decided not to see her dad after you got primary residency of her. She obviously feels safe enough now to be herself and not put up with her dad anymore unless she wants too.
As soon as my sons came to live with me and exah couldn't do anything about it they stopped seeing him too.
As soon as my sons came to live with me and exah couldn't do anything about it they stopped seeing him too.
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Oh Friend, I am so sorry this has happened. I am however glad your daughter spoke out about HER wants.
Yes, go for the restraining order, but keep in mind, it's a piece of paper that sometimes means nothing to someone who is delusional and suicidal. Be very careful.
Huge hugs!
Yes, go for the restraining order, but keep in mind, it's a piece of paper that sometimes means nothing to someone who is delusional and suicidal. Be very careful.
Huge hugs!
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Originally Posted by Sasha1972
And the other positive is Kid saying she doesn't want to see her father. I absolutely did not encourage or prompt her to arrive at this point - I have facilitated visits with her father for a year and a half, probably much longer than I should have, and have waited for Kid to figure things out on her own, while worrying about whether she would ever do so. It appears that that may have been the right strategy. She says she feels really bad about disappointing her father and what if that makes him drink more? I told her that the most important thing for her to do is to take care of herself, and that other people's feelings (and drinking/not drinking) are not as important as looking after herself. Thanks, Al-Anon!
I'm SO HAPPY for both of you, despite the difficulty this brings to your lives. It's an odd way of stepping forward but it's a massive step for DD & I know it's been really, really hard for you to watch her go through this process.
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Wow that was some first class quacking in his part... just wow.
They always say more will be revealed, and it keeps unfolding.
It sounds like you have been handling your daughter with the utmost kindness and grace. Protecting her, but giving her room to figure out for herself what kind of relationship she wants with her dad. If any. That can’t possibly be easy with all the crazy going on. But it’s already paying off, because your daughter trusts you.
They always say more will be revealed, and it keeps unfolding.
It sounds like you have been handling your daughter with the utmost kindness and grace. Protecting her, but giving her room to figure out for herself what kind of relationship she wants with her dad. If any. That can’t possibly be easy with all the crazy going on. But it’s already paying off, because your daughter trusts you.
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... and some more bad news. Ex's buddy contacted me this morning - apparently ex is having seizures, and was taken (back) to the ER yesterday after he fell and hit his head while seizing. Buddy also says that ex has been drinking more or less non-stop for the past week, which does not surprise me. The seizures are new, however, and probably really bad news.
I am told that ex has agreed to enter a ten-day medical detox program ... tomorrow. I suspect the odds of him actually showing up are small (it's easy to say yes to something "tomorrow").
(Buddy also forwarded me an email he received from ex in which ex describes how he imagined he was going to cut his wrists - pretty horrifying).
I am told that ex has agreed to enter a ten-day medical detox program ... tomorrow. I suspect the odds of him actually showing up are small (it's easy to say yes to something "tomorrow").
(Buddy also forwarded me an email he received from ex in which ex describes how he imagined he was going to cut his wrists - pretty horrifying).
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Sasha - geez, all that just sucks. But, in usual Sasha-fashion, you are on top of things and level-headed. I don't have much to offer but ((((HUGS))) and continued cyber support.
I am impressed that DD came to that realization herself - pretty sad. But definitely best for her continued well-being.
Keep us postal.. I mean ""posted".
I am impressed that DD came to that realization herself - pretty sad. But definitely best for her continued well-being.
Keep us postal.. I mean ""posted".
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