Hawkeye13

dysfunction thrives in darkness / secrets, and frankly,
you shouldn't have to bear this burden alone.

that's what families are for. . .

AnvilheadII

When my H isn’t doing stupid stuff, he’s a great husband and father.

let's turn that around......GREAT husbands and fathers don't do "stupid" stuff...like get drunk while watching their children.....get drunk and get a DUI and the very next day want to drink more.

parenthood is about consistency, reliability, dependability.

dandylion

To me, there is a difference between making an announcement and "covering" for someone. I think that Hawkeye is right about the fact that addiction thrives better in secrecy...mainly, because it shields a person from the natural consequences of his/her actions.....

One of the ways of not enabling is to stop covering for his actions...in the places that you may be doing that.....
My husband...(the good one...lol) and I decided that the rule for disclosing information to others was on a "need to know" basis.....

NYCDoglvr

I'm sober 26 years and during that time have heard countless recovering alcoholics tell their story. It's typically not one thing and no one can predict who will or won't get -- and stay -- sober. I've never heard any of them say they stopped drinking because of family, friends or to keep a job. Frequently they stop after those things are gone. I suggest reading about the disease in the stickey's and going to Alanon, a program for those involved with an alcoholic.

PrettyViolets

So sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. I understand when you say that you do not want to be in this position. I remember going to a moms group that would read a different book each month. One month they were reading a book about a family that had someone with alcoholism. It was like they were chomping on popcorn. It was just too personal for me. I did not go to that meeting when they discussed that book. When it is your darkest hour, it is hard to see the light and which way to go. It is lonely when you are navigating it by yourself.

My husband's DUIs-1st and 2nd --he totaled both cars that he was driving. I am in amazement that his body was so in tact after looking at pictures of his totaled cars. We were lucky both times that he did not hurt anyone else. For his 2nd DUI, he got a good lawyer and his sentence was home detention. He was still able to take care of his kids, go to soccer games, take his kids to daycare. The ignition interlock was helpful in saving his life and giving me piece of mind. He got a Subaru legacy a couple of months ago. He did a lot of research. I was really impressed that he got a car with brake collision (gotta love that).

I had to set a lot of boundaries. I had to take care of myself. There were a couple of years that we were not intimate. With a divorce and what I was going through, I did not want to worry about accidentally getting pregnant or getting emotionally attached with someone. It was like someone had put a chastity belt on me in a major way. I still have a hard time French kissing my husband. It was the taste of the alcohol that was a turn off.

I kicked him off my insurance. I work for a major company that has good insurance. He does more contract/part-time work for his profession. He was able to get on state insurance, so that worked out for him for a couple of years. He has been sober for a couple of years now, and I recently put him back on my insurance for the beginning of 2018.

If divorce is the right path for you, Divorce Care at a local church was a wonderful option for me. I know that some people on this forum are saying that they should not sugarcoat things, but the truth is that divorce should not be sugarcoated either. It is not always a smooth road, and it can be expensive in certain cases. There are some good Single/Divorced Mom Facebook groups that were helpful.

I really wanted the holidays to be a positive experience for my kids. There was one July 4th holiday that instead of staying in town, I cancelled plans and went to inlaws for a safer environment. Sometimes I just had to get out of his environment so that I could be a good parent myself.

I remember once when I came home late at night with my kids to our apartment. He had put the child lock on the door and was passed out. I went over to the neighbor and she was really nice and helped entertain my kids. I called the police. They kicked our door in and broke the childlock. I was not sure what we were going to find. It was a 2 bedroom apartment. He was passed out on his bed. It was just a lot of the door was closed and daddy was not available. We slept in the other room.

I hit rockbottom myself a couple of times. So I understand how you are feeling.