jdl1166

Hi
Just wanted to ask if it is common for alchoholics to continue to drink while the go to AA ? My AW continues to drink (not in front of me) on a daily basis. Last year she was able to go sober for a few months but that was it.

I don’t confront her when I know she has been drinking as I know it won’t do any good.
Going to Alanon now and it does help some listening to others.

Thanks in advance for all you do!!

Mango blast

AA's only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking. I know one member who drank a 6 pack before each meeting in order to get himself tbere. After 6 months, with the help of a sponsor, he entered an in-patient recovery program when he wasn't able to stop on his own. He's had long time recovery for many years now.

All of us take different paths to where we're going. Sometimes it takes three lefts to make a right.

Suggestion for Alanon, grab a sponsor and jump in!

dandylion

Jdl.....I have known of lots of people who do it.
But, the ones who have been there longer and are in the step groups don't seem to still be doing that, for the most part.....
(I am just going on my own observations....I am not an alcoholic and not in AA, myself)

AnvilheadII

yes.

AA is not a cure.....and simply attending AA meetings (or saying you are leaving the house to attend an AA meeting) in no way implies sobriety.

sobriety is hard work. true recovery is harder work still.

drinking daily is a pretty good sign.

really sorry for your situation. i hope you find clarity.

dandylion

jdl....I am giving you the link to our extensive library of excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones....."Classic Readings"...which I recommended to you in one of your earlier threads....
I hope that you will read through them.....I believe that it will help you a lot!

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

atalose

I think its pretty common for those entering AA are still drinking, even if it's entering AA for the 100th time, she is where she needs to be, that is, if she is actually really going to the meetings.

DAB

I have been going to AA regularly for over 6 years and I have yet to see someone show up drunk. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I just haven’t observed it.
There are those that have had slips in their sobriety but that’s about the extent that I have know of.
I hope she will find the peace and serenity that sobriety can give her.
Best wishes to you both.

August252015

Sadly, yes. Some don't think they are alcoholics but are ordered to be in meetings (I am thinking of one great guy in my home group who just can't quite get through Step 1). Some are testing the waters with sobriety, in pieces....I am sure there are other reasons. I for one attended one meeting hammered (I even got into a fight about bringing my dog in) - I knew I needed help but at the same time sabotaged myself.

For me, these folks remind me not to judge, how to focus on those who have what I want an not what I don't, and to do my part to let the rooms be a safe place.

tomsteve

i have seen people show up drunk quite a few times over the years.. i have also heard from quite a few that got sober say they did the same. 2 things different things ive heard em say that attending did:
-planted a seed for when they were ready.
- seriously screwed up their drinking.

then theres ones that still drink. they dont go to meetings drunk, but still drink. im one of them.
the 2 things posted above occured to me.
i knew where to go when i wanted help.

is it common? it happens, but cant say how often.

dandylion

tomsteve.....you just reminded me of a great thing that I heard, once....

"Nothing messes up an alcoholic's buzz like a head full of AA and a belly full of beer"........LOL!!

That, right there, seems like a good enough reason to go to AA......

dandylion

......And, while I am on a roll...another absolute favorite saying that I like is this.....

"Just when you think that you have got things under control, here comes Cl-dependency wearing a smile and a Sunday dress"

Challenger2013

My AW used to stop at the liquor store on the way to meetings. Once she went to a restaurant for an AA women’s get together. Her sponsor called me because AW was too smashed to drive. She got drunk at an AA Women’s Christmas party at her sponsor’s house.
Kind of explains why she’s looking for sponsor #4. In one year.

tomsteve

you got that right!
i was court ordered to 2 meetings/week for a year. i think i may have stuck with that for about 2 months. not going to meetings drunk, but first stop after was the liquor store.
i started buying signatures for a beer at the bar after that.sittin at my kitchen table with the phone book and pullin names and numbers out if it, signing left and right handed, drunk,sober... 100% insane.
but the whole time and something i wasnt aware of at the time, the drinking was not what it was before those 2 months of meetings. the giggles were completely gone. without realizing it, some of what i heard at them meeting stuck. i was still in denial but not, if that makes sense? idk how to describe that.
i was even more mean spirited,hateful, and hurtful. those last few months were when it happened a lot more when i wasnt drinking.
possible because it was getting harder and harder to deny the severity of it all or just the progression?

jdl1166

Just wanted to say thanks to all who replied.
One day at a time..........

Forward12

I've listened to many speakers who said they would go to meetings smashed, or hit the bars right afterwards. Some finally turned their lives around for the better, others didn't.

August252015

A short story from July 4, 2016:

At the large clubhouse I attended almost exclusively (over other meetings I now have and a different home group), there are always big celebrations and cook outs on major holidays.

I managed to get a seat (the huge room is always packed and becomes SRO) and was settled in when a man came in, stumbled over me and sat down next to me- only to pass out a few minutes into the meeting- on my shoulder. He reeked. I was agitated, to say the least, and struggled to keep my focus on the actual meeting. I was mad that HE messed up MY meeting. I was annoyed. I was....

After the meeting I went up to a well-respected man "everyone knows" and told him about this. He asked me "what step is this about?" And I fumbled- and said "11? Like in the St Francis prayer- to love rather than be loved or...?"

And he said no - "it's step one." He said, "this man is here, at a meeting, where he is safe, can have a meal, won't get thrown out unless he acts out badly, is safe from police - just for awhile, this one day. He may not have anywhere else to go. Acceptance of others is just as important as acceptance of our powerlessness- he is obviously powerless over alcohol but he is probably doing the best he can. Make sense?"

Well, darn. That turned me right around and I could look at the situation totally differently. He wasn't my business, I needed to focus on my side of the street, and show compassion not aggravation.

I will always remember that 4th of July for this reason alone.