Peaches04

Gosh everyone - thanks so much for all this good information. Auriana, I think I know what you mean. My AH has quit drinking for a while now, and we are doing great. I think I have worked really hard at letting go of all my resentments. However, we have never really "talked" about them, other than when I finally have blow up in the past and ranted and raved. But, now that I've learned to detach and "let go", and let go of resentments... I feel cheated? I know everyone is going to jump on me...but, it's like I feel like he is getting away with not having to deal with or understand what he's done...the distrust, the betrayal... I went to a therapist about these feelings a long time ago, before I acknowledged he was an alcoholic, but was struggling with his staying out later than he said, or making plans and not inviting me (all so he could 'do his thing' I see now). And he made me realize that I had been betrayed by people my whole life really (house full of lies and secrets) - and then I found someone who I absolutely knew would NOT lie to me (becasue he never did, other than about drugs- pot - but, I didn't know this at the time), so for the first time I felt 'safe'...like my knight in shining armour had come to rescue me... so, that with the beginning of the lies and the secrets...it was like my instinct was to go into survival mode and to understand that I wasn't safe anymore (regardless of the reality of the situation - those were my feelings) - like my "knight" had thrown me under the bus. So, I have a really, really hard time with that pain...I don't know how you get over it? It's like I'm scared to bring it up again, but I'm scared if I don't...it sneaks up on me. It did today, as a matter of fact (I wrote a post about it earlier) when my 'friend' mentioned some things to me.
I know this was long...but, I just feel for you Ariana...because you are me... and it hurts.

Aquiana

I think it's really scary to let go of the anger and distrust because it makes us vulnerable to getting our trust stomped on again. My bf is on his 30th day today too. Things have been really good between us. I've been working really hard on getting the trust back, although I still worry too that he's going to start again. I've put alot of that aside though simply because I don't want to go through it again. I just want to enjoy the way things are right now and if I have to face it again in the future I will then. It wasn't doing me any good to worry about things all the time. It was only making me miserable for no reason at all. It's probably not doing you any good either. I think the hurt is definitely justified and I hope he's sincere in his apologies. Nothing is going to change what already happened though so you just need to take some time to deal with it. I think the biggest thing they can do now is to understand why we behave the way we do sometimes and accept it. It took months to completely destroy the trust (with my bf anyway), it only makes sense it will take at least that if not more to gain it back.

Good luck to you and your signifigant other too!