hearthealth

Husband is home from his work outing. He came home while I was running errands. I went to stock the refrigerator with clear liquids for his upcoming test and the drawer is stocked with beer.

I don't feel I can say anything with our upcoming test. Mine is coming up in the near future too. One of the reasons my boundaries are low.. I could mention it but then it might start an argument. I could talk to a lawyer and wait until after the tests. I could do nothing and see how he controls his drinking.

SparkleKitty

Alcoholics cannot control their drinking, hearthealth. Maybe for a little while, but not in the long term. You know that, right?

dandylion

Hearthealth....what is the point of mentioning it at all.....especially, since it is going to start an argument. Why put yourself through the stress of a needless argument.....because, in the long run, it won't make any difference, anyway.
He is going to do what he is going to do....

I guess I should ask if you made a boundary for yourself that you would not stay in the house with him if he is drinking? Did he agree that he wasn't going to drink, again...?

hearthealth

He did state in April that he didn't need alcohol and could give it up. He acknowledged that he had a problem in April.

I guess I was hoping at best he could stay sober or he doesn't have all the later severe issues that is described in posts. Though even at functioning alcoholic stage it is a problem for me not functioning at home. If I don't want this life the only option is to walk away or accept this merry to round.

He was late from work yesterday. Stated he should have left earlier though work isn't something he has a choice about when he leaves.... A bar would be something he could leave earlier from if that's where he was. He blamed it in traffic. He was acting very weird asking me the same questions over and over again. With me responding each time within a fifteen minute time frame. Falling asleep at 730 like I'm the past.

I have not mentioned the beer in the refrigerator yet but last night I did tell him he was acting strange. I never stated if A then B but he knows his drinking was a problem for me in March and April. I guess he's testing the waters.

NotAPeach

That sounds like what my husband was doing before I finally figured out what was going on (and he confessed what he had been doing, which was hiding rum in the shed and going through a fifth every 2-3 days).

I'm sorry you are going through this.

dandylion

hearthealth....the ball is in your court.....(actually, it always has been, in regard to your own life).....You have been on this forum long enough, that, you know that there is a big difference between an alcoholic saying that they have a "problem", and actually doing something about it. He is not working a program....just trying to do what no alcoholic can do...controlled drinking....
He is still under the control of his disease.....
There is no point in your fighting with him about it...nothing that you say or do is going to change the big picture....He is going to do what he wants to do, no matter what you do or don't say to him....
The most he might do is to throw you some little gesture--some little crumb to get you to back off his case....some little glimmer of false hope for you to hang on to....

As you point out, yourself...you have one of two directions to go in.....

Your alanon friends, your counselor, your lawyer....lol..(and us)...are the ones that you should gather close around you....

hearthealth

Dandylion, Thank you for staying with me. I know I have to breath and take that leap.

Clover71

I like your reference to the crumb


Heart health, I'm sorry you are going through this and I appreciate you sharing it

dandylion

hearthealth....I may have given you this link, in the past...but, if not....here it is again.....
This site is educational in nature, and is arranged by state....I suggest that you read through it....as it will help you to organize your thoughts, and concerns....and, to know what questions to ask.....

www.womansdivorce.com