She's Spiraling
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I know you're not looking for hugs & support Cy, but I'm giving it anyway.
That's a LOT to process internally & I give you huge kudos for your raw honesty & willingness to see your part.
It brings up all kinds of questions about self-forgiveness which is something that I struggle with all the time..... it might be my BIGGEST struggle in recovery at times.
That's a LOT to process internally & I give you huge kudos for your raw honesty & willingness to see your part.
It brings up all kinds of questions about self-forgiveness which is something that I struggle with all the time..... it might be my BIGGEST struggle in recovery at times.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Cyranoak, and all the other responders - you're right, I know you all are 100% right. Long-term I know the right answer is to remove her from the house. Short-term is where I have the hesitation. Our DS adores his mother and loves nothing more than having the three of us together - all the time if he had his choice.
But I also know I am the adult, and need to make the adult decisions to protect his future, and not just his current wants and needs. I understand that the longer I wait, the greater is the chance of him being scarred, permanently.
I do see myself free from her and being happy. I find it harder to see me taking him away from her - and yet I know that when she gets to that state most nights of not knowing what's going on and passed out somewhere, she's not being a mother to him anyway, and is removing herself from the role of a parent.
You guys are great, and I truly appreciate your honest feedback and wisdom. I will get there - hopefully sooner than later. This past month have moved me closer to a split than they ever have. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm fed-up.
Love you all!
COD
But I also know I am the adult, and need to make the adult decisions to protect his future, and not just his current wants and needs. I understand that the longer I wait, the greater is the chance of him being scarred, permanently.
I do see myself free from her and being happy. I find it harder to see me taking him away from her - and yet I know that when she gets to that state most nights of not knowing what's going on and passed out somewhere, she's not being a mother to him anyway, and is removing herself from the role of a parent.
You guys are great, and I truly appreciate your honest feedback and wisdom. I will get there - hopefully sooner than later. This past month have moved me closer to a split than they ever have. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm fed-up.
Love you all!
COD
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
It sounds like she's already made the choice to remove herself from her son's life. This is really sad, but you can't change it. The only question is how you are going to respond to her decision to choose drinking over her son, especially given that it sounds like she could be dangerous to him (even while intending no harm).
My daughter adores her alcoholic father, my ex-husband, and is unhappy that she can't spend more time with him. But I have to limit her time because his drinking has caused him to create situations which are unsafe for her. Both Kid and ex get mad at me for not "letting" Kid stay with him. From my point of view, he has chosen drinking over Kid. In his dream world he would get to drink all the time and see his daughter as much as he wants, but in the real world he can't have both, and he's chosen drinking. Your situation sounds similar. There is only one grownup in this situation and it is you, so you have to be the one to make the tough decisions.
My daughter adores her alcoholic father, my ex-husband, and is unhappy that she can't spend more time with him. But I have to limit her time because his drinking has caused him to create situations which are unsafe for her. Both Kid and ex get mad at me for not "letting" Kid stay with him. From my point of view, he has chosen drinking over Kid. In his dream world he would get to drink all the time and see his daughter as much as he wants, but in the real world he can't have both, and he's chosen drinking. Your situation sounds similar. There is only one grownup in this situation and it is you, so you have to be the one to make the tough decisions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
COD,
OMG!! and you think that it couldn't get any worse. It can and it does.
I know that you don't feel ready to file seperation papers or divorce papers. Have you ever thought that just maybe you file and that could be the "rock" bottom for her. Being alone, no one to pick up after her, do the laundry, bring her coffee, pay the bills and blah blah. You enabling her to drink and get stupid is the same thing she has been doing for years. Now you just ignore her and don't pick up her urine.
I agree with the other posters, she is going to kill someone or herself. Did you want to be apart of that? She is a huge liability that you would be held accountable for if something disastrous happens. Is that really worth the risk because DS loves his momma. All kids love their momma's even the ones that are mentally and physically abused by their mommas. God only knows what she has done in front of him that you have no idea about.
Hugs my friend, I know it hurts. I did it and I am so grateful for the serenity that I have each and every day.
OMG!! and you think that it couldn't get any worse. It can and it does.
I know that you don't feel ready to file seperation papers or divorce papers. Have you ever thought that just maybe you file and that could be the "rock" bottom for her. Being alone, no one to pick up after her, do the laundry, bring her coffee, pay the bills and blah blah. You enabling her to drink and get stupid is the same thing she has been doing for years. Now you just ignore her and don't pick up her urine.
I agree with the other posters, she is going to kill someone or herself. Did you want to be apart of that? She is a huge liability that you would be held accountable for if something disastrous happens. Is that really worth the risk because DS loves his momma. All kids love their momma's even the ones that are mentally and physically abused by their mommas. God only knows what she has done in front of him that you have no idea about.
Hugs my friend, I know it hurts. I did it and I am so grateful for the serenity that I have each and every day.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
