Hi
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Hi Rose - you accept the sadness, give yourself time to feel it, know it won't last. You turn to people you trust, you do things you like, you take good care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, read, listen to music, get outside - whatever makes you feel good.
As your ex is an alcoholic there is added thing you can do: know that you dodged a bullet. It doesn't feel like it now because you love him and there were happy times - but - if you read around here you'll see how excruciatingly painful it can be to be in a relationship with an alcoholic.
Please keep posting and know you *will* be happier as time goes on.
And...I just now saw your other post about you finding him "cuddled up" on the sofa with another woman and that he told you to leave.
You really do not need this guy and his crappy treatment and lies in your life. You dodged a bullet my friend.
As your ex is an alcoholic there is added thing you can do: know that you dodged a bullet. It doesn't feel like it now because you love him and there were happy times - but - if you read around here you'll see how excruciatingly painful it can be to be in a relationship with an alcoholic.
Please keep posting and know you *will* be happier as time goes on.
And...I just now saw your other post about you finding him "cuddled up" on the sofa with another woman and that he told you to leave.
You really do not need this guy and his crappy treatment and lies in your life. You dodged a bullet my friend.
Last edited by 53500; 07-21-2017 at 07:59 AM. Reason: Saw the other post
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Originally Posted by Roseblue 
Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 16 months and although he is an alcoholic he has always been attentive, loving and caring. he has never worked but things have always been good , we had a very intense relationship from day one doing everything together. recently he got in touch with an old friend from 30 years ago and things seemed to go down hill, i finally caught them cuddled up on the sofa one morning and asked what was going on, to be told they are only good friends. but he has now lost trust in me and accused me of being jealous and says that he cant live like that , hes had it before with previous relationships. I gave up my rented house and sold everything to move in with him and now he wants me to move out (which I have done) i am back sleeping on my ex husbands sofa.
he says he loves me and misses me but is no longer in love with me but i love the bones of this man. and really don't want to give up on the relationship.
now he keeps texted me asking how i am . tell him i miss him and he says the same. I don't understand !
he says he loves me and misses me but is no longer in love with me but i love the bones of this man. and really don't want to give up on the relationship.
now he keeps texted me asking how i am . tell him i miss him and he says the same. I don't understand !
Relationship endings stink especially when you are the one not wanting it to end. He’s not being very loving or caring right now towards you, seems he’s trying to rid himself of any guilt he feels of having recycled an old relationship while still involved with you by texting nice things to smooth it out.
Alcoholic or not when someone truly loves you, respects you and cares deeply for you, they won’t allow another person to come in between that.
Addicts are notorious for instability in relationships because they are always chasing after their next high. He managed to keep his stability for 16 months until he couldn’t any longer, he moved on to his next high.
You don’t want to give up on the relationship but he’s already gone no matter what his words read on a text message his actions told you all you need to know. I’m sure you are not naïve enough to believe his ridiculous story of “just an old friend” I mean come on your eyes saw what your eyes saw. Then he did what most addicts do, he deflected and then turned it all around on you! Blamed you and made you move out so that he could get on with his next high.
I am sorry you are going through this, life with an alcoholic is filled with hurt and pain. One of your best tools right now is in knowing that you deserve so much more then what he could possible offer you in the long term. I would block him from the ability to cause you further emotional damage.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Rose,
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. He is gifting you by telling you to leave. I know that you love him and that's ok. Sometimes we realize that we don't have to live with the people we love. We can love them from a distance, and pray for them often. Once you realize that you don't have to "hate" him, I think it makes it a little easier on ourselves.
Are you attending any alanon or open aa meetings? Do you see a therapist? There is a lot of help for us out there Rose, if you choose to do the work. We are all here for you, keep venting.
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. He is gifting you by telling you to leave. I know that you love him and that's ok. Sometimes we realize that we don't have to live with the people we love. We can love them from a distance, and pray for them often. Once you realize that you don't have to "hate" him, I think it makes it a little easier on ourselves.
Are you attending any alanon or open aa meetings? Do you see a therapist? There is a lot of help for us out there Rose, if you choose to do the work. We are all here for you, keep venting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
when we size up potential partners, or long term dating prospects, we should be looking for what qualities they BRING to the table. as well as noticing any RED FLAGS.
under the red flag column:
1. Alcoholic, a known fact since day 1.
2. Does not work
3. Hooked up with "old fried" and you found them cuddling on the couch in the house you SHARE
4. Responds to you finding HIM in the arms of another woman that he can no longer trust YOU
5. And kicks you to the curb
so that's a bit about him.
is it possible you moved too quickly? ditching your own place and selling off all YOUR stuff to move in with him? that didn't leave you with much of a fall back plan, did it? relying on the unreliable can do that.....
he's going to continue to throw out mixed messages - come here, go away. but remember he is not in control of your life, you are. he's shown you his true colors.....
under the red flag column:
1. Alcoholic, a known fact since day 1.
2. Does not work
3. Hooked up with "old fried" and you found them cuddling on the couch in the house you SHARE
4. Responds to you finding HIM in the arms of another woman that he can no longer trust YOU
5. And kicks you to the curb
so that's a bit about him.
is it possible you moved too quickly? ditching your own place and selling off all YOUR stuff to move in with him? that didn't leave you with much of a fall back plan, did it? relying on the unreliable can do that.....
he's going to continue to throw out mixed messages - come here, go away. but remember he is not in control of your life, you are. he's shown you his true colors.....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
