I'm not crazy...am I?
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I'm not crazy...am I?
My ex called me today, we broke up 3.5 months ago.... he was (mildly/moderately) drunk from the night before, eating tacos, ordering beer while he was on the phone with me... and called to invite me to eat tacos with him. I told him im not ready to see him and I refuse to be around him when he's been drinking. He wants us to be friends, but he "doesn't want to lead me on" to thinking we could get back together, because he fell out of love with me and I "need to accept that."
I told him our breakup was supposed to be a break, for him to take time to himself and figure out his sobriety, but instead he chose alcohol over us. He got mad and said our relationship didn't work out and he fell out of love because I was demanding and controlling, and thats what made him lose his attraction for me. I told him he sounded like a textbook-addict whos convinced himself that I'm a controlling psycho, when all I asked for was for him to get help with his alcoholism, and that has nothing to do with me being a controlling or overbearing person, that I simply feared for his life because I love him. He told me that he just wants to live his life, and he thinks of me every day and worries about me all the time, and that he cares for me deeply. He complained that he can't go anywhere without running into someone I know because I know half the city (I'm pretty cool) and he feels like he can't live his life bc everyone is likely judging him and that I've most likely dragged his name through the mud. I told him they're judging him for being an raging alcoholic that they are running into at a bar, and he dragged his own reputation through the mud with his decision to continue drinking. He got upset and said "I don't want to talk about this." Sure okay, run from the truth.
He said to me that he's looking into buying a house, and when he buys the house he will quit drinking bc he has to save his money. I laughed and told him that's not the way it works, that he can't just set a date to become sober, that he has to get help to learn how to truly become and maintain sobriety. He said, "this is exactly why I left your ass, because of your crazy 'go to rehab' bullsh*t."
I feel crazy, and I feel like I'm talking to a delusional psycho, but he is telling me that I'm the crazy one. Over and over again he said "you're crazy, you are, you are. Let me live my life, move on, accept that we aren't getting back together. I want us to be friends but you can't let that happen."
I'm not crazy. He's crazy. Right? I just want to die and start my whole life over. I want to forget him, but he's in my head constantly. The only peace I can have is knowing that his alcoholism is what destroyed us, even though he tells me that's my "scapegoat."
Help me feel less crazy. Please.
I told him our breakup was supposed to be a break, for him to take time to himself and figure out his sobriety, but instead he chose alcohol over us. He got mad and said our relationship didn't work out and he fell out of love because I was demanding and controlling, and thats what made him lose his attraction for me. I told him he sounded like a textbook-addict whos convinced himself that I'm a controlling psycho, when all I asked for was for him to get help with his alcoholism, and that has nothing to do with me being a controlling or overbearing person, that I simply feared for his life because I love him. He told me that he just wants to live his life, and he thinks of me every day and worries about me all the time, and that he cares for me deeply. He complained that he can't go anywhere without running into someone I know because I know half the city (I'm pretty cool) and he feels like he can't live his life bc everyone is likely judging him and that I've most likely dragged his name through the mud. I told him they're judging him for being an raging alcoholic that they are running into at a bar, and he dragged his own reputation through the mud with his decision to continue drinking. He got upset and said "I don't want to talk about this." Sure okay, run from the truth.
He said to me that he's looking into buying a house, and when he buys the house he will quit drinking bc he has to save his money. I laughed and told him that's not the way it works, that he can't just set a date to become sober, that he has to get help to learn how to truly become and maintain sobriety. He said, "this is exactly why I left your ass, because of your crazy 'go to rehab' bullsh*t."
I feel crazy, and I feel like I'm talking to a delusional psycho, but he is telling me that I'm the crazy one. Over and over again he said "you're crazy, you are, you are. Let me live my life, move on, accept that we aren't getting back together. I want us to be friends but you can't let that happen."
I'm not crazy. He's crazy. Right? I just want to die and start my whole life over. I want to forget him, but he's in my head constantly. The only peace I can have is knowing that his alcoholism is what destroyed us, even though he tells me that's my "scapegoat."
Help me feel less crazy. Please.
Last edited by loveandmagic; 04-30-2017 at 06:34 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Location: W Washington
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you can HELP yourself by not answering the phone and going NO CONTACT. the conversation was pointless.......wasn't it? same ole, same ole, lather rinse repeat. you could talk til you are blue in the face and it will not CHANGE a single thing.
he doesn't want to BE who YOU want him to be. you WILL drive yourself crazy trying to teach a pig to sing. or a tree to sprout wings and fly.
block and walk. that's your sure path to no more crazy talk.
he doesn't want to BE who YOU want him to be. you WILL drive yourself crazy trying to teach a pig to sing. or a tree to sprout wings and fly.
block and walk. that's your sure path to no more crazy talk.
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
you can HELP yourself by not answering the phone and going NO CONTACT. the conversation was pointless.......wasn't it? same ole, same ole, lather rinse repeat. you could talk til you are blue in the face and it will not CHANGE a single thing.
he doesn't want to BE who YOU want him to be. you WILL drive yourself crazy trying to teach a pig to sing. or a tree to sprout wings and fly.
block and walk. that's your sure path to no more crazy talk.
he doesn't want to BE who YOU want him to be. you WILL drive yourself crazy trying to teach a pig to sing. or a tree to sprout wings and fly.
block and walk. that's your sure path to no more crazy talk.
BECAUSE I DONT WANT YOU TO DIE?!
Ughhhhh I don't know why I can't let it go. 😢
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he is managing just fine.......he was at a restaurant ordering tacos.....and beer. he isn't a late stage chronic alkie on death's door. and EVEN IF he was, he gets to choose how HE lives his life.
you are being a bit dramatic. it's part of the emotional upheaval you are in right now. you see it all as very black and white - and you want what you want.
but HE doesn't. he is not interested in leaping into sobriety. that holds no appeal for him. not now. maybe not ever. that will be for him to decide one day.
you can fight it or you can accept it.
you are being a bit dramatic. it's part of the emotional upheaval you are in right now. you see it all as very black and white - and you want what you want.
but HE doesn't. he is not interested in leaping into sobriety. that holds no appeal for him. not now. maybe not ever. that will be for him to decide one day.
you can fight it or you can accept it.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Love and magic, just because he says something it doesn't make it true. Stay true to yourself. All your truth telling isn't going to make him see the truth. Him putting the blame on you takes the focus off himself. Keep focusing on your life.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
he is managing just fine.......he was at a restaurant ordering tacos.....and beer. he isn't a late stage chronic alkie on death's door. and EVEN IF he was, he gets to choose how HE lives his life.
you are being a bit dramatic.
you are being a bit dramatic.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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You say you don't want to lose him.
He says your relationship is over.
At the very least, you have very different opinions on a rather important issue, yes?
That was a half-drunk attempt at a booty call, not "let's get back together and I will address my addiction problem."
As long as you're holding out hope that he will suddenly snap into focus, get sober and you two will live happily ever after, your life will stay on hold and you will just be hurt and disappointed over and over.
He's telling you it's over. Maybe it's time to believe that?
I'm sorry for your hurt.
He says your relationship is over.
At the very least, you have very different opinions on a rather important issue, yes?
That was a half-drunk attempt at a booty call, not "let's get back together and I will address my addiction problem."
As long as you're holding out hope that he will suddenly snap into focus, get sober and you two will live happily ever after, your life will stay on hold and you will just be hurt and disappointed over and over.
He's telling you it's over. Maybe it's time to believe that?
I'm sorry for your hurt.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: San Antonio
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It sounds like you were hoping he would get sober when he realized he was losing you. But..he choose alcohol instead and now is blaming you for everything.
He's an alcoholic. This is what he does. He may or may not ever stop choosing the booze. Nothing you do or say will change him. HE has to figure it out. Losing you may or may not be his rock bottom. He may or may not ever get there. You will drive yourself crazy trying to manage his sobriety. Only he can do that and he will continue to lash out and blame you if you try to. Yes, as many of us here know all to well, it can make you feel like you're crazy. But you're not. The situation, however, is. If he is causing you this much stress right now, go back to no contact.
In the meantime, what have you been doing for you? Have you tried an alanon meeting? Have you read "Co-Dependent No More?"
He's an alcoholic. This is what he does. He may or may not ever stop choosing the booze. Nothing you do or say will change him. HE has to figure it out. Losing you may or may not be his rock bottom. He may or may not ever get there. You will drive yourself crazy trying to manage his sobriety. Only he can do that and he will continue to lash out and blame you if you try to. Yes, as many of us here know all to well, it can make you feel like you're crazy. But you're not. The situation, however, is. If he is causing you this much stress right now, go back to no contact.
In the meantime, what have you been doing for you? Have you tried an alanon meeting? Have you read "Co-Dependent No More?"
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Originally Posted by loveandmagic
How can I delete this post
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Join Date: Apr 2017
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Originally Posted by loveandmagic
He's been arrested 15 times, he's been beaten up without knowing what happened, he's woken up in jail with a broken arm not knowing how he got there, he's been peeled off the cement and taken to a gas station by a helpful stranger who called me to come and get him, he lost his career due to embarrassing himself due to his drinking.... I'm not dramatic about how bad his drinking is. It may have not been that bad today or last week... i don't need you to join in with him to tell me that I'm being dramatic. Whatever. I made a mistake posting this.
I don't think it's crazy to want someone to be healthy.
I think I often felt as you do. "If you'd just listen to me, then we could save your life"
The problem was that my rock bottom for her (almost dying multiple times) didn't match her rock bottom and so amount of words, whether part a discussion or argument, was going to change that.
Your feelings of responsibility for him- his health, his feelings, his life- are still extremely strong and until you can come to terms with the fact that he is a grown man who has no problem with his life then you will continue to drive yourself crazy.
As for your post, I hope you don't actually stop posting and confine to read and share.
Not everything that people have posted in response to me has been what I WANTED to hear but everything has been absolutely what I NEEDED to hear.
Keep coming back
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^^^^^ I second what Heartbroken has to say!! Please don't stop posting. Your posts may indeed help someone else with what they are going through!!
You are not crazy, just a bit codependent and trying to change something you can't. We all have done this and if cutting off a limb would have saved my relationship, I would have done it in a microsecond . . . . crazy? . . . I don't know . . . many of us have been there.
You are not crazy, just a bit codependent and trying to change something you can't. We all have done this and if cutting off a limb would have saved my relationship, I would have done it in a microsecond . . . . crazy? . . . I don't know . . . many of us have been there.
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Originally Posted by loveandmagic
How can I delete this post
You can do so much better for yourself. Go no contact and maybe a year or so down the line if he's been able to get his act together, you can take it from there. Otherwise get out and enjoy life!
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My ex called me today, we broke up 3.5 months ago.... he was (mildly/moderately) drunk from the night before, eating tacos, ordering beer while he was on the phone with me... and called to invite me to eat tacos with him.
He doesn't want to discuss his drinking and the more you discuss it the father he wants to pull away from you................kind of like you hearing something here you don't like and want to delete this entire thread.
You can't save him from himself any more then we can save you from yourself. You both have to want to change and make every effort to do so. You've taken a few steps while he's taken none.
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No, you aren't crazy! He is just doing the classic alcoholic maneuvers to try to get back with you. He is using deflection...throwing the blame on you so he doesn't have to look at himself.....and putting you down, so that he can feel better about himself....
Actually, I think you did a pretty good job of holding your line....
Stay strong...don't give in....because he will just keep you in misery....
Actually, I think you did a pretty good job of holding your line....
Stay strong...don't give in....because he will just keep you in misery....
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He may be crazy, but so are you. That's not an insult--just an observation. How do I know? I've been just as crazy as you. All of us have. We're not picking on you--we can simply see that you are in the same place we all were, and we're showing you the way out. As special as you think your relationship is, relationships with alcoholics have more in common than they have differences.
As long as you keep agonizing over getting him to change--something that is entirely outside your control--the longer you will stay stuck, unhappy, and frustrated. You don't have to hate him to walk away. It doesn't mean that you're heartless or don't care. It simply means that you're accepting your own limitations, accepting him for who he is, and choosing a healthier path for yourself.
Think about it. And next time, maybe don't answer the phone.
As long as you keep agonizing over getting him to change--something that is entirely outside your control--the longer you will stay stuck, unhappy, and frustrated. You don't have to hate him to walk away. It doesn't mean that you're heartless or don't care. It simply means that you're accepting your own limitations, accepting him for who he is, and choosing a healthier path for yourself.
Think about it. And next time, maybe don't answer the phone.
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I think I've also just gone crazier and more depressed bc I've been locked up at home alone for 3 days with severe pain from compressed nerves in my neck and my arm. Being alone with limited mobility and muscle relaxers for extended periods of time make me extra crazy.
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