FallenAngelina

We don't have to be years-long suffering partners before we choose to change for the better how we approach relationships. If you see no value in learning more about co-dependency and understanding your part in how your relationship progressed to where it is now, that is certainly your prerogative, but please know that understanding your part is not assessing or taking on blame. Understanding how co-dependents and alcoholics fit together can only benefit you and your future relationships. You said in one of your posts that he is in your head quite a bit, which presumably doesn't feel good for you. Seeing how you and he have fit together can only help lessen the hold that these painful thoughts have on you.

As always, though, take what works and leave the rest.

tomsteve

[QUOTE=AnvilheadII;6438876]he is who he is bc of what his alcoholic father put him through.

yeah, NO.

that's trying to find an EXCUSE for his inexcusable behavior...

QUOTE]

I had an excellent upbringing in an old school family- dad worked hard and mom took care of the family. I was taught good morals and how to be when I was young.
that didn't stop me from becoming an alcoholic.
I had many experiences throughout my drunkenness- one of them being responsible for the death of another human while drunk.
I used that as a reason for many years of drinking, along with quite a few other events.
I wont say I went through worse than other people, but they were bad for me.
when I got sober I learned that all them reasons really were just excuses. they were experiences I never addressed through the years and used them for a selfish,self centered drunken pity party.

all them experiences- they led to problems in every relationship I was ever in.
alcohol was just the symptom.