HeartbrokenGuy

Hi all,

Thanks as always for the input.

My comments/questions were not meant to be off putting or offensive.

I asked if I WILL, not that I currently do or at any point have found some repulsive. The questions still remain in my mind about how I will feel in a few more months to a year and why I ask from those who came before.

I don't think No Drama is repulsive.

I'm not jumping into a relationship or even interested in making new friends. I've been focusing on rebuilding and repairing relationships that I neglected the last two years.

When you are out and about with friends and family, it is impossible not to notice someone you find attractive. I ask questions because I seek to understand and I don't want to make the same mistakes in future relationships.

Anvil- As for the texting all day, this was the first relationship like that. It didn't start that way. It ramped up gradually. I think it started as my codependent way of checking on her to see if she was drunk. Starting a couple times a day before spiraling out of control. It's still weird not doing it even though I don't want to. That's how I know I was addicted to her and the drama.

Seren

My apologies, sir, if what I said came across as some sort of chastisement. It was not...merely a statement. Perhaps I should have practiced "W.A.I.T." at that moment

It seems as though you are someone who lets things stew around in the brain, and that it helps you to type it out. Sometimes, when I talk to someone about what I have been thinking, just the act of saying something out loud is helpful.

I believe you stated yourself that you were in no way ready to enter a romantic relationship, did I understand that correctly? Then thinking about these things is good, but perhaps worrying about them is counterproductive? After having lived with near daily "emergencies", learning to live without that is quite a transition.

As the old saying goes, time takes time. It will take some time for you to fully heal from all you have been through.

honeypig

I just want to second what dandy said here. For me, that 1-year anniversary of ANY major event is a big one, and subsequent years tend to taper down in intensity. For instance, 1-year anniversary of separation from XAH, of divorce, of XAH moving out--each of those was pretty emotional. The 2nd anniversary of the separation and divorce--meh. (Haven't gotten to the 2nd moving out anni yet, but no reason to believe it will be significantly different from the other two.)

I don't know that there's anything to gain by wondering who you'll be attracted to in the future and why. I would expect you have a lot of healing, learning and growing to do before that's even going to be on the radar. Reading and posting here is a good thing to do, as would be getting active in Alanon. Do you volunteer? Have fitness or creative interests? Take this time to figure out who YOU are, and in the process you'll grow yourself some strong and resilient roots as well as generating a lot of joy up in the treetop. It's what I've slowly been doing myself, and I can tell you, the results are well worth it.

Wishing you all the best, HBG. Maybe the next time you come around, you'll be changing that name--who knows?

AlwaysGrowing

As I recover, will I find "normal" women more attractive and "fun" women more repulsive?

I become more aware and selective knowing what to stay away from.

Am I just being stupid and over thinking things as I have a tendency to do?

How will I know if someone is an alcoholic or a normie?

You will know as it will not take long.

Is part of my "symptoms" as a codependency a desire for companionship or is that more a part of grief or is it just normal?

Loaded question. IMO can be all the above depending on your emotional state..

I find myself missing my XAGf more recently. I think that's just me being lonely. We talked all day every day except for the days she was completely hammered and now that she's gone, I feel like I'm going through withdrawal.

"I feel like I'm going through withdrawal. " - Very normal and healthy IMO.

Again, thank you all for everything on this forum and all of your sound advice and counsel over the last couple months[/QUOTE]


How will I know if someone is an alcoholic or a normie?

You will know as it will not take long.

Is part of my "symptoms" as a codependency a desire for companionship or is that more a part of grief or is it just normal?

Loaded question. IMO can be all the above depending on your emotional state..

I find myself missing my XAGf more recently. I think that's just me being lonely. We talked all day every day except for the days she was completely hammered and now that she's gone, I feel like I'm going through withdrawal.

"I feel like I'm going through withdrawal. " - Very normal and healthy IMO.

AlwaysGrowing

HBG

Tried and failed on quoting and replying.. Hope you get the gist..

AG