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watching him die

Old 08-10-2001, 06:36 AM
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LUSH2LAVISH
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Unhappy watching him die

hi, i have a friend i met in treatment about a year ago.in the year since treatment we have both gone out,usually when we're together.the difference between us is i have'nt given up.will never give up however long it takes to finally get it.today i have83 days. my friend on the other hand has been to another 28 day treatment and been hospitalized three times in the last four months.the doc says he will die if he continues to drink. i have tried to help him but realize i cannot because he refuses to help himself.i no longer take his drunken phone calls,but am constantly worried about him.i check my messages frequently just to see if he's still alive.when he does'nt call i call him to see if he answers,just to see if he's alive.am i being codependent??my real fear is that he will die and i will wonder if there was something i could have done that i did'nt do,and could i live with that.this is taking it's toll on my own program of recovery.in reality is there anything i can do through the AA or medical community?worrying about him is affectin my mental wellbeing. any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thanks so much,L2L
 
Old 08-12-2001, 01:40 PM
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L2L...
Are you being codependant? Are you asking if you fit in somebody's neat category for a specific kind of inappropriate behavior?
I'm not a qualified mental health professional, so I will not pretend to define terms which baffle me. Let's ask a clearer question. Are you hurting yourself? Only you can answer that.
I am the daughter of an alchoholic (deceased) and my significant other is a narcotics addict. I spend a lot of time on the nar-anon page at this site.
These are the things you can do.
Let him know where to find help. (He knows that.)
Let him know that you care about him and his recovery. (You've done that.)
Set clear rules and follow them yourself.
Let go.

He may die. You are not in control of that. If he is determined to self destruct, it doesn't matter how you plead, promise, suffer or sacrifice... he will succeed. You are recovering yourself. You know. There is nothing anyone could do to make you stop. Only you could decide that you had lost enough, already. Right? So, knowing this, you know there is no reason to torture yourself with "what ifs". It's his ballgame. That's hard to take.
You are a victor. Celebrate your success. How could you hope to be more in the life of another addict than a shining example that recovery IS POSSIBLE? You are that. And you know.... you did it yourself.
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Old 08-14-2001, 05:35 AM
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LUSH2LAVISH
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dear smoke, I'd like to thank you for responding to my post. you know i think intelectually i know that i've done what i could,but emotionally i was hoping i could do more.Thanks for your insight and wisdom.I pray your significant other finds recovery soon.It's the hardest thing I've ever done,but without it i have nothing and nothing to give. God Bless,L2L
 
Old 08-14-2001, 05:56 AM
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Been there. Done that.

Here's my mantra.

He is THERE. He chooses to be there. In a bad place. I will not be THERE for him.

I am HERE. HERE is a drug free zone. When he chooses to come HERE, I will always be HERE for him.

Try to laugh today.

Smoke

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