I'm doing something new tonight
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I have some good news for you. thousandwords....one day...could be any given day....something will happen....and it will be that one straw "too much".....it will be that exact straw that finally breaks the camel's back.
You may be quite surprised at what it is.
When it happens...it is like a page has been turned...and, your brain won't be able to go back. A voice from inside you, will let you know.
After that....you won't be able to unthink it
Once you have passed the "enlightenment"....courage, that you never knew that you had, will come forward...just at the times you need it......
You may be quite surprised at what it is.
When it happens...it is like a page has been turned...and, your brain won't be able to go back. A voice from inside you, will let you know.
After that....you won't be able to unthink it
Once you have passed the "enlightenment"....courage, that you never knew that you had, will come forward...just at the times you need it......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by dandylion 
I have some good news for you. thousandwords....one day...could be any given day....something will happen....and it will be that one straw "too much".....it will be that exact straw that finally breaks the camel's back.
You may be quite surprised at what it is.
When it happens...it is like a page has been turned...and, your brain won't be able to go back. A voice from inside you, will let you know.
After that....you won't be able to unthink it
Once you have passed the "enlightenment"....courage, that you never knew that you had, will come forward...just at the times you need it......
You may be quite surprised at what it is.
When it happens...it is like a page has been turned...and, your brain won't be able to go back. A voice from inside you, will let you know.
After that....you won't be able to unthink it
Once you have passed the "enlightenment"....courage, that you never knew that you had, will come forward...just at the times you need it......
I feel like I have had several of those moments come and let them pass by...because I was afraid to "jump"...I need to figure out why I let that happen. I don't seize the moment and then I get frustrated and angry with myself. My counselor has reassured me that I am doing everything for the right reason and there is no "time line" ...but I have given myself a deadline for action and I need to mentally prepare myself for when another "that's it" moment happens. I internalize my feelings and don't let myself be honest in the moment.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
One other thing. You don't HAVE to have a "perfect moment"--one where he does something specific that provides the "out" you're looking for. When I left my second husband, I suppose the event that finally persuaded me was when he signed a new lease on the house we were renting, after I'd specifically told him not to because we couldn't afford it. He'd lost his job, was drinking rather than looking for another, while I was working at the only (low-paying) job I could find and looking for a second. But I didn't leave right then. I just started quietly putting things in order, and I believe I told him a day or two before I moved out. No big, dramatic scene or confrontation, just the culmination of a lot of preparation over the course of a month or so.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by LexieCat
One other thing. You don't HAVE to have a "perfect moment"--one where he does something specific that provides the "out" you're looking for. When I left my second husband, I suppose the event that finally persuaded me was when he signed a new lease on the house we were renting, after I'd specifically told him not to because we couldn't afford it. He'd lost his job, was drinking rather than looking for another, while I was working at the only (low-paying) job I could find and looking for a second. But I didn't leave right then. I just started quietly putting things in order, and I believe I told him a day or two before I moved out. No big, dramatic scene or confrontation, just the culmination of a lot of preparation over the course of a month or so.
Dandy, yes I think you are right. It's swaying alright.
Hugs all
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I think what moved me was the thought that this could go on INDEFINITELY. I started thinking about my life slipping away every minute. It was more powerful than the "biological clock" people talk about--it IS a biological clock, though, because none of us knows how long we will have on this planet, and the thought of living out my days that way became utterly unbearable.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
to justify my decision to end things
here's the thing.....you don't NEED to JUSTIFY your decisions! they are yours, you OWN them. if you want to leave, for whatever reasons, then that is what you do!
we worry what others will think.
secret - most people are so consumed with THEIR own lives, problems, issues, they don't have TIME to be THAT worried about anyone else! which means.....you are free to do whatever you NEED to do !!!
here's the thing.....you don't NEED to JUSTIFY your decisions! they are yours, you OWN them. if you want to leave, for whatever reasons, then that is what you do!
we worry what others will think.
secret - most people are so consumed with THEIR own lives, problems, issues, they don't have TIME to be THAT worried about anyone else! which means.....you are free to do whatever you NEED to do !!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Thousandword, I am still preparing also. Now what's holding me back is my mother is dying and I know she will be gone before summer. I have been getting *no* emotional support from my husband. He was passed out drunk at 630 last night. I think the hard part is knowing a relationship with my husband is gone and not being able to leave.
I wonder about all the good times I could have without being married to him. I envision what I could be doing without him instead of waiting for him to wake up and get it. I wonder if it won't be an event now but a deep longing for something different. It took me a long time to move out of my mother's house but when I was ready I did it. I wasn't scared. I was determined and all my logistics was in place.
I wonder about all the good times I could have without being married to him. I envision what I could be doing without him instead of waiting for him to wake up and get it. I wonder if it won't be an event now but a deep longing for something different. It took me a long time to move out of my mother's house but when I was ready I did it. I wasn't scared. I was determined and all my logistics was in place.
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