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Old 01-24-2017, 01:46 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Also: I need to consider my own bottom. Great thought.

Homework for me to think about.
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Old 01-24-2017, 03:25 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I have some good news for you. thousandwords....one day...could be any given day....something will happen....and it will be that one straw "too much".....it will be that exact straw that finally breaks the camel's back.
You may be quite surprised at what it is.
When it happens...it is like a page has been turned...and, your brain won't be able to go back. A voice from inside you, will let you know.
After that....you won't be able to unthink it

Once you have passed the "enlightenment"....courage, that you never knew that you had, will come forward...just at the times you need it......
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Old 01-24-2017, 04:34 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
I have some good news for you. thousandwords....one day...could be any given day....something will happen....and it will be that one straw "too much".....it will be that exact straw that finally breaks the camel's back.
You may be quite surprised at what it is.
When it happens...it is like a page has been turned...and, your brain won't be able to go back. A voice from inside you, will let you know.
After that....you won't be able to unthink it

Once you have passed the "enlightenment"....courage, that you never knew that you had, will come forward...just at the times you need it......
Thank you Dandy,

I feel like I have had several of those moments come and let them pass by...because I was afraid to "jump"...I need to figure out why I let that happen. I don't seize the moment and then I get frustrated and angry with myself. My counselor has reassured me that I am doing everything for the right reason and there is no "time line" ...but I have given myself a deadline for action and I need to mentally prepare myself for when another "that's it" moment happens. I internalize my feelings and don't let myself be honest in the moment.
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Old 01-24-2017, 04:58 PM
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One other thing. You don't HAVE to have a "perfect moment"--one where he does something specific that provides the "out" you're looking for. When I left my second husband, I suppose the event that finally persuaded me was when he signed a new lease on the house we were renting, after I'd specifically told him not to because we couldn't afford it. He'd lost his job, was drinking rather than looking for another, while I was working at the only (low-paying) job I could find and looking for a second. But I didn't leave right then. I just started quietly putting things in order, and I believe I told him a day or two before I moved out. No big, dramatic scene or confrontation, just the culmination of a lot of preparation over the course of a month or so.
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Old 01-24-2017, 05:03 PM
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thousandwords.....you haven't had THE moment, yet. the camel's back might be swaying...a lot....but, it hasn't broken...yet.....
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Old 01-24-2017, 05:48 PM
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Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
One other thing. You don't HAVE to have a "perfect moment"--one where he does something specific that provides the "out" you're looking for. When I left my second husband, I suppose the event that finally persuaded me was when he signed a new lease on the house we were renting, after I'd specifically told him not to because we couldn't afford it. He'd lost his job, was drinking rather than looking for another, while I was working at the only (low-paying) job I could find and looking for a second. But I didn't leave right then. I just started quietly putting things in order, and I believe I told him a day or two before I moved out. No big, dramatic scene or confrontation, just the culmination of a lot of preparation over the course of a month or so.
Lexie, I feel like we've had this conversation before lol. (I get annoyed at this cycle of thinking of mine) I feel the need for permission or an outside force or event to justify my decision to end things. For some reason I can't give myself the "ok" ... it's a defensive thing, something about my upbringing and marriage makes me feel inferior or that my judgment is questionable. But really I am probably one of the most level headed members of my family/circle.

Dandy, yes I think you are right. It's swaying alright.

Hugs all
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Old 01-24-2017, 06:14 PM
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I think what moved me was the thought that this could go on INDEFINITELY. I started thinking about my life slipping away every minute. It was more powerful than the "biological clock" people talk about--it IS a biological clock, though, because none of us knows how long we will have on this planet, and the thought of living out my days that way became utterly unbearable.
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Old 01-24-2017, 07:22 PM
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to justify my decision to end things

here's the thing.....you don't NEED to JUSTIFY your decisions! they are yours, you OWN them. if you want to leave, for whatever reasons, then that is what you do!

we worry what others will think.

secret - most people are so consumed with THEIR own lives, problems, issues, they don't have TIME to be THAT worried about anyone else! which means.....you are free to do whatever you NEED to do !!!
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Old 01-24-2017, 07:30 PM
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Thousandword, I am still preparing also. Now what's holding me back is my mother is dying and I know she will be gone before summer. I have been getting *no* emotional support from my husband. He was passed out drunk at 630 last night. I think the hard part is knowing a relationship with my husband is gone and not being able to leave.
I wonder about all the good times I could have without being married to him. I envision what I could be doing without him instead of waiting for him to wake up and get it. I wonder if it won't be an event now but a deep longing for something different. It took me a long time to move out of my mother's house but when I was ready I did it. I wasn't scared. I was determined and all my logistics was in place.
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