One other thing. You don't HAVE to have a "perfect moment"--one where he does something specific that provides the "out" you're looking for. When I left my second husband, I suppose the event that finally persuaded me was when he signed a new lease on the house we were renting, after I'd specifically told him not to because we couldn't afford it. He'd lost his job, was drinking rather than looking for another, while I was working at the only (low-paying) job I could find and looking for a second. But I didn't leave right then. I just started quietly putting things in order, and I believe I told him a day or two before I moved out. No big, dramatic scene or confrontation, just the culmination of a lot of preparation over the course of a month or so.