how do you move on when they are a trigger and in your life...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 48
how do you move on when they are a trigger and in your life...
Heres my story...
I meet the current bf once i was seperated from my xdh who was never around. I gave him everything i had but didn't seem to give back at all. I was also involved with a man who i would have died for but didn't seem to care. Then comes along this guy who was so so involved and devoted to me and me alone. He gave me a feeling that i was special and gave me all the attention i needed.
We got a house together, had all the important conversations and decided ti have a baby. I held up my end of the conversations - he didn't. Fast forward 9yrs and one more baby. He is trying but it still isn't enought. I know i'm the center of his world but he isn't of mine. And thats were the issue is. My kids mean more to me then my breath but he is more concerned with our realtionship.
Case in point - tonight i told him something really random thelat dd said that really bothered me. His reaction was how it hurt his feelings and not what dd said. Not.the clearly lasting impression it made on her. It was about him.
My point was that if she had said the same thing about mw i would want to know. I would want to know how my behavor was affectng my child. He was more concered about his hurt feelings and how he would never tell me.
Am i wrong here or woukdn't a parent who was concerned about their child want to know how their behavoue was affecting said.child? And not be so cincerned about how it made them feel?
I meet the current bf once i was seperated from my xdh who was never around. I gave him everything i had but didn't seem to give back at all. I was also involved with a man who i would have died for but didn't seem to care. Then comes along this guy who was so so involved and devoted to me and me alone. He gave me a feeling that i was special and gave me all the attention i needed.
We got a house together, had all the important conversations and decided ti have a baby. I held up my end of the conversations - he didn't. Fast forward 9yrs and one more baby. He is trying but it still isn't enought. I know i'm the center of his world but he isn't of mine. And thats were the issue is. My kids mean more to me then my breath but he is more concerned with our realtionship.
Case in point - tonight i told him something really random thelat dd said that really bothered me. His reaction was how it hurt his feelings and not what dd said. Not.the clearly lasting impression it made on her. It was about him.
My point was that if she had said the same thing about mw i would want to know. I would want to know how my behavor was affectng my child. He was more concered about his hurt feelings and how he would never tell me.
Am i wrong here or woukdn't a parent who was concerned about their child want to know how their behavoue was affecting said.child? And not be so cincerned about how it made them feel?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
MyLoves.....I am gathering, from your post, that there is an area of conflict between you and your husband about how the kids are treated......? But, I am unclear (I feel confused).....
Could you speak a bit more specifically....so, I could understand the issues better......
Could you speak a bit more specifically....so, I could understand the issues better......
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
My DS' made comments to me in the past about their dad's drunk behavior being scary to them, and making their tummies feel funny. DS4 actually vomited once during one of his rages... 
I told him about it, because I felt like he should know they were being affected, and would get angry with me for telling him. "Don't you think I already feel like a POS?! Do you have to dump more on me?! What are you trying to do to me?! Why would do that?"
I think realizing that he was affecting his children actually was pretty profound for him, and did hurt him, but rather than reacting the way that I think I would in his shoes, he lashed out at me, making me the bad guy in his head for being so awful as to tell him... so he wouldn't have to deal with it at that moment....
I don't think they can deal with it when they are actively drinking.
Big hugs to you and your kiddos.
I told him about it, because I felt like he should know they were being affected, and would get angry with me for telling him. "Don't you think I already feel like a POS?! Do you have to dump more on me?! What are you trying to do to me?! Why would do that?"
I think realizing that he was affecting his children actually was pretty profound for him, and did hurt him, but rather than reacting the way that I think I would in his shoes, he lashed out at me, making me the bad guy in his head for being so awful as to tell him... so he wouldn't have to deal with it at that moment....
I don't think they can deal with it when they are actively drinking.
Big hugs to you and your kiddos.
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