My DS' made comments to me in the past about their dad's drunk behavior being scary to them, and making their tummies feel funny. DS4 actually vomited once during one of his rages...
I told him about it, because I felt like he should know they were being affected, and would get angry with me for telling him. "Don't you think I already feel like a POS?! Do you have to dump more on me?! What are you trying to do to me?! Why would do that?"
I think realizing that he was affecting his children actually
was pretty profound for him, and did hurt him, but rather than reacting the way that I think I would in his shoes, he lashed out at me, making me the bad guy in his head for being so awful as to tell him... so he wouldn't have to deal with it at that moment....
I don't think they can deal with it when they are actively drinking.
Big hugs to you and your kiddos.
