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Are Alcoholics More Likely to Cheat?

Old 09-30-2016, 01:26 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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They are separate issues.
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Old 09-30-2016, 01:37 PM
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Another vote for no correlation. I do think that some addicts will attempt to blame their addictions for why they cheat as a way to deflect blame and avoid responsibility.

My STBXAH is an active alcoholic. He is an abuser (behavior that is completely distinct and separate from his alcoholic behavior). But he was never a cheater--not before he relapsed, and not after. It doesn't seem to be part of his wiring.

Similarly, I have a childhood friend who has struggled with relapsing into active alcoholism throughout his adult life. He is also a serial cheater, and it appears to happen totally regardless of where he is in his disease.
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Old 09-30-2016, 02:58 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Motive, opportunity, means...those three things are all that's needed to cheat. With or without substance/alcohol abuse. I've known of situations in which peoples' inhibitions were lowered and they say and do things they wouldn't do if stone cold sober. Abusing substances does alter peoples' behavior, otherwise there wouldn't be any problems right? I've also known numerous folks who have never cheated once in their life, but drank plenty on plenty of occasions; my dad being one of those types. I'm pretty sure the only woman he had sex with his entire life was my mom. He was a one-woman-man and that's just the way he was, period.
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Old 09-30-2016, 05:15 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I read some replies and skipped some so I'm sorry if someone has already said something like this. But a while ago, I was reading some stuff about cheaters, and this was before I knew really about my boyfriend's alcohol problem etc. It talked about why cheaters cheat and the one thing that sent up a red flag was a statement about impulse control. Cheaters can often have problems with substances because they are by nature or nurture (who knows) not good with impulse control and seek out instant gratification or instant pleasure. Without giving much thought to future repercussions. So it is possible certain personality types cross over. But I think it would show in other aspects of life too. PLUS I think this was more about known cheaters having the impulse problem and it's not necessarily the other way around. So in summary "cheaters may drink or do drugs too" which isn't the same as saying "drinkers may cheat". If I could draw a venn diagram with the circles overlapping, then there would be a section of alcoholics, a section of cheaters, and a section of alcoholic-cheaters.

Alcoholics have their own set of causes that lead them into their spiral. That being said there's also shame with a lot of alcoholics and that can lead them into doing things to "make them feel better" and soothe their guilt.

I am so not helping am I?

In the end, I think the reason someone cheats is pretty damn important. But that might be what a sex therapist or a couples counsellor would say to a couple who wants to repair after cheating.

Okay, I should go, before I make things worse.
Hope I didn't do too much damage.
Stick around, Champ :-)
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Old 09-30-2016, 05:19 PM
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When you're a drunk, there is no time for anything or anyone else. Beer was all I wanted and all I needed.
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Old 10-01-2016, 08:33 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Earlier in my own recovery trying to put people in boxes was part of my coping skills. The "why" around the cheating and/or alcohol use/abuse was important to me.

As time has passed what is more important is:
1. Is either situation/both something the other person wants to appropriately acknowledge and address? What does it look like when they are "working" on his/her stuff? Do I believe it is genuine?

2. Is the infraction something I can live with? Am I willing to do my own work around this while maintaining an appropriate delineation of what is mine to work on and what is NOT (another's addiction is not mine).

In my instance more was revealed that made the "why" of it less important. I suspect this usually happens.
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