I am getting weak again
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dunno what it is about these families projecting their sh*t onto the person trying to get free of it. I would swear they all take a correspondence course.
So sorry you are dealing with all this. I second the others here, that acceptance is the key.
So sorry you are dealing with all this. I second the others here, that acceptance is the key.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I had to say this to myself A LOT for A LONG time.
NO contact = NO new hurts.
I kept expecting to feel better when I contacted him.....I almost always felt worse. I struggled with not taking it on anyways but the comments back were always that it was my problem etc.
As painful as it was the drive to connect it was more painful to realize how sick the "connection," was.
Take good care of yourself. This took me awhile to work through.
NO contact = NO new hurts.
I kept expecting to feel better when I contacted him.....I almost always felt worse. I struggled with not taking it on anyways but the comments back were always that it was my problem etc.
As painful as it was the drive to connect it was more painful to realize how sick the "connection," was.
Take good care of yourself. This took me awhile to work through.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Yes, I am unable to let go completely. I get weak and I call him but that's only because I love him.
I can’t marry an active alcoholic but that is a separate discussion.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Originally Posted by HopingForCure 
I know I posted a few weeks ago that I was feeling better about letting my ex go. Few days ago, I started getting anxious and depressed again. I started missing him ALOT. I don't know what happened. My mind kept repeating all of the good times and kept ignoring the hell I went through. I called him, I cried and basically this is what he had to say.
You should know that you are the one we all are waiting on. I am waiting, my family is waiting. You need to decide what you want to do. I am ready to get married to you and start a family. Everyone is on board and it is you who are unable to make a decision. You need to either say YES so we both can get married. Or just say NO (and stop calling) so I can move on with my life. I need to start a family soon.
He is not understanding that I am NOT the one with a problem here. If he was not an alcoholic, we would have been married this summer. Yes, I am unable to let go completely. I get weak and I call him but that's only because I love him. I can’t marry an active alcoholic but that is a separate discussion.
I was just surprised at the way he said that I was the one holding everyone back and that I need to let him know so he can move on.
Sorry if this is not making much sense...Any words of encouragement will be appreciated.
You should know that you are the one we all are waiting on. I am waiting, my family is waiting. You need to decide what you want to do. I am ready to get married to you and start a family. Everyone is on board and it is you who are unable to make a decision. You need to either say YES so we both can get married. Or just say NO (and stop calling) so I can move on with my life. I need to start a family soon.
He is not understanding that I am NOT the one with a problem here. If he was not an alcoholic, we would have been married this summer. Yes, I am unable to let go completely. I get weak and I call him but that's only because I love him. I can’t marry an active alcoholic but that is a separate discussion.
I was just surprised at the way he said that I was the one holding everyone back and that I need to let him know so he can move on.
Sorry if this is not making much sense...Any words of encouragement will be appreciated.
withdrawal I'd say), pull out the list and read through it.
I have been married for 12 years to an alcoholic who was "recovering" for 15 years (more like being a dry drunk), and re-lapsing every 2 years over the last 8 years.
Looking back, I was always in love with his potential, not an actual man, who was bitter, brittle, narcissistic and abusive. I filed for divorce, he goes from screaming how awful I was to him and that his and my family hate me to e-mailing that "he misses us (me and my son), and he feels like a part of his heart is missing". I don't believe a single word he says.
My advice would be running as far as you can. No contact.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I get weak and I call him but that's only because I love him
nope. you call him because you CRAVE the contact. he is your FIX, your DEALER. when we truly LOVE someone, we do not USE them to get our needs met. but in dysfunctional addictive relationships, needs are NEVER met.....just the momentary high, followed by the crash.
nope. you call him because you CRAVE the contact. he is your FIX, your DEALER. when we truly LOVE someone, we do not USE them to get our needs met. but in dysfunctional addictive relationships, needs are NEVER met.....just the momentary high, followed by the crash.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 53
Originally Posted by Expanding
From my exA's cousin:
"You know, you should have a baby with him. It's probably the last chance for his mom to be a grandmother."
Scary stuff, don't let them pressure you into anything! I grew up with an A parent and it affects you for life!
"You know, you should have a baby with him. It's probably the last chance for his mom to be a grandmother."
Scary stuff, don't let them pressure you into anything! I grew up with an A parent and it affects you for life!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
