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BF doing great but....

Old 08-08-2016, 08:52 AM
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BF doing great but....

BF of almost 5 years went to detox in February of this year. He has managed to stay sober (alcohol) since then and says he doesn't have any cravings or care to even have anymore through the grace of God. We have been attending church on a regular basis and he even treats be so much better now. I love the new him and the better things it has brought him. The only thing I am having a hard time with was that he had to quit his job to go to detox. I have been very supportive as much as I think I can. He actually quit his job before going in so he could get the state to help pay for it. Now it has been almost 6months & he needs to get a job! I contacted a friend who still works at a place he used to work to see how he could get his job back. Well he went in to talk to his old boss but still hasn't heard anything. This has been a couple weeks now. Is this enough time for him to start back or would I be still pushing it if I say anything else? I am struggling financially and causing my own stress. I'm trying to be supportive of this whole situation but not sure how much longer he really needs!??!
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Old 08-08-2016, 09:10 AM
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A job is part of life. No matter what he "needs," he still has to work while working his recovery. That is the reality. Have you been very open and honest about how much him not working impacts you and your household?
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Old 08-08-2016, 09:20 AM
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I'm just making sure I was being to "pushy" if I told him he must get a job now or else. I have let him do his own thing and have all his time he wanted. I gave him all the space to figure everything out but now I think it is more than enough time. I guess I just wanted to hear from someone else that he has had plenty of time.
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Old 08-08-2016, 09:27 AM
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Yes, he has. A job is a positive. You make money. It gives you responsibility, the opportunity to take pride in your work, a schedule, etc. It's a next step, and one he needs to take, now. That is just my .02 of course.

If he is really doing great, he will be receptive to sitting down and having a calm talk about the necessity of his working.
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Old 08-08-2016, 10:10 AM
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Sure it is nice when you first get sober to have some time to just really find yourself and mentally prepare yourself for life and what it means to go through life sober and healthy. But that time period is not infinite- in fact he is very lucky to have had this time to do just that..many people do not have that luxury. He sounds stable, connected, and doing well- guess what..people need to work. That is life..and part of recovery is fully integrating back into society as a healthy and productive person. He needs to work, he is not in a position not to.

At some point reality needs to set in. Part of a strong recovery is being able to handle life on life's terms and still stay centered and connected with others and stay focused on recovery. It is time he steps it up a notch. Also know, that you are not responsible for him, you do not need to support him, and if at any time you feel like this relationship is not what you want or not what you need then YOU need to do what is best for YOU. YOU matter and YOUR needs matter too.
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Old 08-08-2016, 01:01 PM
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Hi Stacy,

What are his secondary job plans if his old job is no longer an option? He should be working that angle actively now if he has yet to hear back from the old boss. Did he use with others or deal at his old job? Maybe going back isn't the smartest thing?

Maybe it's time to encourage to find a truly new job. You don't have to figure all of the above out. That's on him. But there's many a partner here on the boards who let users use them for a free ride and later had a dump truck of resentment over it.
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