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Old 06-28-2016, 05:42 AM
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As we speak... (OT)

The truck is being loaded with my folks' belongings for their move to Oregon (into assisted living). My brother has already hit the road (5 am MST) with their car and their dog. THEY get on a plane in a few hours.

I had sent a fairly detailed message to the representative at the place they are moving to, with details of my dad's mobility problems and what he needs assistance with (showering, etc.). Received a call from the general manager informing me that the unit they are moving into is on the "independent living" side, where those kinds of services are NOT provided. The person with whom my stepmom signed the contract is "no longer with us" (this was like three/four weeks ago). Manager asks, wasn't that explained to you?

Um, no, my stepmom made these arrangements with the help of her elderly sisters. Nobody told us SQUAT.

Anyway, the good news is that they will conduct an assessment of my dad right after they get there, and if "appropriate," they will move them to a different unit, similar in size and layout, on the assisted living side. No cost for the move, and they have movers that will do it for them. After a quick emergency consult with the kids helping with the move, we decided not to break it to them right now but to just tell them there will be an assessment to see what else is needed. At suggestion of manager, we will get orders from my Dad's neurologist about his physical deficits and the need for this kind of assistance.

My friggin' stepmom thinks they don't NEED any help. Clearly she is wrong, and fortunately all the kids (hers as well as my brother and I) agree. Her daughter-in-law (to whom she listens more than any of us) has given her a stern talk about the need to accept necessary help--whether she thinks she needs it or not.

So hopefully things will all get sorted out. But thank goodness I sent that email or we'd be relaxing thinking they had all these services that they don't.

Sheesh. It really ISN'T that much different from having young adult kids. They have just enough freedom to really make a mess of things.
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Old 06-28-2016, 05:54 AM
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lexieCat....My mom was the same way. As were all of my other aging relatives.
the desire to hang on to their independence is very strong......

Lexie, when you reach your 90th decade, I hope that you will be able to remember this, yourself, and do exactly as your children "tell you".....LOL!!!

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Old 06-28-2016, 06:32 AM
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Hey Lexie
Thinking of you today. Hopefully you won't have to play the "attorney card" through this process, but trump cards like that have won games before.......
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Old 06-28-2016, 06:44 AM
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Gosh. Just when you think you have all the ducks in a row.

My grandmother went from Independent Living to Nursing Home care after an assessment. They definitely do not help with baths and things of that sort. They would provide meals, they would provide rides where people want to go, they cleaned for them. Any actual physical needs had to be taken care of by a family member or they had to go to the nursing home side. At least that is how it was here.

I am sure different facilities offer different levels of care, but definitely the assessment will get him to the right spot, which is a relief I am sure!

Sending lots of good luck today! Hugs!
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Old 06-28-2016, 06:48 AM
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Oy vey, Lex--glad you got the info when you did. Hope things go as smoothly as possible from here on in...
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Old 06-28-2016, 07:13 AM
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When I had to put my dad in assisted living, he did not go quietly, but he did eventually realize it was for his own good. Glad they are moving forward with this, it takes a load of worry off of you.

I had to keep an eye on his care though - they wanted to give my dad a med for just about everything - wake him up, help his sleep, help his memory, etc. It got to be too much that he was over-medicated. I had a conf call with the nurse and was able to knock off 60% of his meds, and then he started actually feeling better!

Best of luck. And it's good you have help and support from family
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Old 06-28-2016, 07:16 AM
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Raising parents is tough.
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Old 06-28-2016, 07:28 AM
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Well, clearly one of us should have been with my stepmom when she went to look at places. She looked at this ONE, where the friend of one of her sisters lives (who loves it), and plunked down the deposit and signed the papers.

Which is not to say it isn't a great place--the fact that her sister's friend loves it there is a pretty good recommendation. Still, my stepmom still drives and is much more capable than my dad. She's looking for gal pals to have fun with. I have a feeling my dad will wind up sitting alone in the apartment a lot without some urging (and gentle pushing). Not that my stepmom doesn't love him, but she really doesn't appreciate what is actually going on with both of them at this point in their lives.

So anyway, hopefully what we are doing now will head off future problems. The assisted living doesn't really include medications or anything--it isn't a nursing home. It's more for non-medical assistance with things like mobility, grooming, etc.
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Old 06-28-2016, 08:11 AM
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Lexie, I completely understand.

My dad has alzheimers. It has gotten worse this past year, but he still functions in dressing himself, and can even drive up the road. However, my mom still thinks he can do things that he really cannot. Last week she had him out on his tractor, big mistake. He left it in gear when he got off and could have been really hurt. Denial is a powerful thing.

It's great they have an assisted living section, that sounds like just what he will need. Hopefully he will make some guy friends of his own as well!
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Old 06-28-2016, 09:51 AM
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My mom had some serious denial about my dad's abilities as his health declined. And he was just the type of guy to go along with everything to make her happy (hmm....cripes...that might turn into an A-HA thread for me one day...)

Luckily, we were able to share our concerns with the nurses and THEY could lay out what he should and shouldn't be doing. Mom would listen to them, not us...including my sister, the nurse...
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Old 06-28-2016, 11:21 AM
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Wow, what a stressful change. My heart goes out to you, luckily you and your siblings are on the same page. A big hug
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Old 06-28-2016, 11:25 AM
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I'm so sorry you all have to deal with the stress, Lexie, but it DOES sound like you guys are handling it very well. Fingers crossed that everything works out in a way that is best for your dad.
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Old 06-28-2016, 11:54 AM
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Lex-sorry you are dealing with all this. Agree with others-sounds like it's being handled well. Lots of hugs your way!
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