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Loooong week last week, but all good (so far)

Old 06-20-2016, 02:51 PM
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Loooong week last week, but all good (so far)

So after my week in AZ a couple weeks ago, with my dad and stepmom going into assisted living, I get a call a week ago on a Friday night from my stepmom, telling me that my dad had fallen and was bleeding all OVER the place (cut on his arm--he takes blood thinners and bleeds easily). She said he was refusing to let her take him to Urgent Care to have it looked at. While we were on the phone, he started bleeding again (she had bandaged it but bandage pulled off). She said she was going to insist he go, and I told her I'd call 911 if he didn't. She called back a few minutes later to tell me he was letting her take him and she'd call me later. About an hour later she calls me, in tears, to say he couldn't get out of the chair and seemed confused so she called 911 and the ambulance took him to the hospital to be checked for a possible stroke. I got her calmed down, called a friend of hers to take her to the hospital (she wanted to drive), and told her I was coming back down there.

So I booked a flight for another week's stay and let my brother and her kids know someone else would have to take over because they can't be left alone. Long story short, he was in the hospital two nights, no apparent permanent damage (they can't give him an MRI to check for stroke due to his pacemaker). I spent all week working like a madwoman to get all their finances cleared up, got Powers of Attorney filed for both of them, I now have access to their accounts. We got the golf cart sold, I managed not to kill my passive-aggressive stepmom. My brother came down the day I left (we actually got to have breakfast together at the airport as we passed like two ships in the night), and he will stay there till Thursday this week, when my stepbrother and his wife come down to get their stuff packed and my OTHER stepbrother (a truck driver) loads up their stuff for the big move. Dad and stepmom have a flight booked for next Tuesday, my brother will come back to drive their car and their dog up to Oregon for them.

It's been absolute insanity, but it seems like it's all coming together. Thank goodness the kids are all being cooperative and working together on this. They've all been very supportive/appreciative of the work I did, and I'm happy to let them take over. It was 120 degrees in Chandler AZ yesterday, so I got out in the nick of time. I feel for my brother and step siblings. My stepmom has two mentally disabled daughters who are completely out of all of this, but also one daughter back in Oregon who will help out once they get up there to get them settled.

My boss had to handle a training I was scheduled to present in Brooklyn last week, and I had to spend a couple of hours on the phone with her helping her prep, but my office was awesome in accommodating this family emergency--they authorized me to take sick time all of last week, and I am SO grateful.

So all the pieces are coming together, but I feel ready to collapse. I have about 3/4 of an inch of gray roots right now (Anvil--I took my Madison Reed hair color with me but had no time to do it--I'll do it tomorrow night ).

I'm just catching up with the goings-on here. Hope everyone's doing well. Remember, even if things seem horrible and chaotic, keep moving forward and things will get better.
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Old 06-20-2016, 03:06 PM
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Dang Lexi - hang in there!

Glad there was no permanent damage - so hard watching our parents get older, and the role reversal with us that comes from it!
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Old 06-20-2016, 03:07 PM
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((((hugs))))

Oh, and: DS and I saw Finding Dory this weekend, your final sentence totally brought on "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" (BTW, I loved the movie and totally adore Dory's parents.)
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Old 06-20-2016, 03:22 PM
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This was my life for 19 months when my dad did have a stroke, then a heart attack then my mom diagnosed with cancer.

Once we got them moved to independent living retirement campus that does have assistance things have been wonderful. Their health has improved as well. Best thing that ever happened and I am sure it will be your experience as well.

Glad you are back and were able to get so much done - its the most exhausting thing. I looked like hell for many months.
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Old 06-20-2016, 03:31 PM
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Glad your Dad is doing better, Lexi. So much of how you approach life is a great example of taking on the overwhelming by breaking it into bite size pieces. I hope you get a chance to rest up a bit!
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Old 06-20-2016, 03:50 PM
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In the past I've had my life totally turned upside down having to deal with sick parents so I can empathize. It's wonderful that the whole family is rallying and that no one person has to bear the total burden or worse, have your father and stepmother have to deal with all this with minimal support.

Glad your father is feeling better and that your employer was so understanding.
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Old 06-20-2016, 08:14 PM
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Wow Lexie, that sounds exhausting.

It's really rough when parents are frail but still trying hard to be independent. My FIL is there now. Falls easily, bleeds easily, had a couple of mini strokes but still hanging in there. Won't use a cane or any kind of aid to walk although he really should. It's unsettling to say the least.

Glad your dad's okay and agreed to assisted living!
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Old 06-20-2016, 09:32 PM
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And I thought you had your hands full when you bought "the house from hell" a few years ago...that sounds easy compared to all you've got going on now!

Best wishes for all the strength, patience and wisdom this will take.
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Old 06-21-2016, 05:48 AM
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Lexie, be grateful you have siblings and others to help you. When my parents split and my mom moved to a one-floor condo because steps were too much for her, I was the only one of 4 kids to help her sell the house and get her moved in. When my dad had to move from his apartment to assisted living - no one was around to help. When they died, guess who made all the arrangements, settled the estate and everything else? Yep, me - by myself.

Not complaining, I'm glad I could take care of them in their final years, but sometimes it was a heavy burden. The siblings were there when it was time for the money to be divvied up, however.

COD
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Old 06-21-2016, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by 53500 View Post
Wow Lexie, that sounds exhausting.

It's really rough when parents are frail but still trying hard to be independent. My FIL is there now. Falls easily, bleeds easily, had a couple of mini strokes but still hanging in there. Won't use a cane or any kind of aid to walk although he really should. It's unsettling to say the least.

Glad your dad's okay and agreed to assisted living!
My dad TOTALLY resisted using a walker, and what he did with the cane was both horrifying and comical--he'd hold it out in front of him like he was a knight jousting with a lance. I said, "Dad, that is NOT going to break your fall--you have to put it on the GROUND." He is doing pretty well with his walker now, though, although you have to hold it for him on a slope (like the driveway) because he doesn't get how the brakes work. What finally worked for us was telling him that however much he hated having to use a walker, he'd hate it a lot more being confined to a hospital bed with a broken hip. It tires him to walk, though, and I'm hoping once they get up to Oregon we can get him a scooter or wheelchair so he can be more mobile and enjoy life more up there.
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Old 06-21-2016, 06:05 AM
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Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad View Post
Lexie, be grateful you have siblings and others to help you. When my parents split and my mom moved to a one-floor condo because steps were too much for her, I was the only one of 4 kids to help her sell the house and get her moved in. When my dad had to move from his apartment to assisted living - no one was around to help. When they died, guess who made all the arrangements, settled the estate and everything else? Yep, me - by myself.

Not complaining, I'm glad I could take care of them in their final years, but sometimes it was a heavy burden. The siblings were there when it was time for the money to be divvied up, however.

COD
Oh, trust me--I'm extraordinarily grateful. I barely had ever even met my step-siblings before all this came up, but they have been great to deal with. It's been a perfect division of labor, too. My brother is going through all their photos and papers. I did all the financial stuff and some errands that sort of laid the groundwork for the move. One stepbrother is coming to help pack, another to move their stuff, and another will help unpack and set up the new place. I KNOW how fortunate I am!
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Old 06-21-2016, 06:18 AM
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Hey Lexie
A time like this is mirror to show you how far you have come in your recovery. When we were drinking, we picked up over a lot less stress than this. Congratulations!!!!
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Old 06-21-2016, 06:21 AM
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Wow Lexie, you have had quite a time of it friend. I am so glad things are coming together and hope the quality of life is better there once they get usto being there, and he can get a scooter or something to help him have more freedom.

Sending you lots of hugs!
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Old 06-21-2016, 07:41 AM
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My mother, at 92, still refused to use any sort of "device"...such as a cane,,,,because she feared that it made her l ook old.....
She kept lowering my age...because sh e said that it made her look younger.
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Old 06-21-2016, 08:00 AM
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My mother, at 92, still refused to use any sort of "device"...such as a cane,,,,because she feared that it made her l ook old.....
She kept lowering my age...because sh e said that it made her look younger.
Haha, my mother has lowered my age for years! She also lowers the ages of my kids, who are in their 30s. My daughter (37) was quite amused to learn her grandma tells people she's in her 20s.

I thank God my mom is healthy.
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Old 06-21-2016, 08:10 AM
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For amusement my wife tell people who obviously know the truth that she's 33. That's great except she's almost 57 and our daughter will soon be 24. :-) After years of doing this it still gets a chuckle from the "crowd".

On the health front I did a short run this morning then took a 2 mile round trip walk to meet a friend for breakfast. I took my dog on a mile walk and have a couple more of those ahead of me.

Dinner tonight is going to be a wrap with the turkey breast I made yesterday and will slice this afternoon, the bacon I made last week, the pesto I made over the weekend, sliced tomato, and alfalfa sprouts. I was originally thinking of going the baguette route, but forgot to buy one when I was out earlier to pick up some milk.
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Old 06-21-2016, 08:31 AM
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I remember when we got my X's grandmother a walker. She would pick it up and carry it around from room to room, I don't think she used it a day in her life.

My grandma however embraced hers, and even named it. People are funny how they are so different!
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Old 06-21-2016, 08:34 AM
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I apologize for the off topic nature of the last two paragraphs of my previous post. For some reason I forgot what journal I was in.
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