Liveitwell

Friend-I'm sorry you are hurting. It does sound like you have a pretty good handle on what going on! Don't seek out things that will hurt you, right? Easier said than done. I totally second Honeypigs quote from another member-that's how I started looking at it. Why would you want a nibble from a moldy sandwich that you threw out? You wouldn't have thrown it out if it was a good, healthy sandwich, eh? love you-keep your head up. No more drinking, ya hear? Like anvil said...you are going to be ok. Know that!!!

healthyagain

I am so sorry, kboys. But what you feel might be perfectly normal. There is not an on/off switch you can pull to stop caring. But consider what your AH is, what he did, how he treated you, the words that stung you. The poor woman he is messaging now might be wearing your shoes after a year or two. It is not like she is winning a jackpot.

Be gentle to yourself. Remember, progress, not perfection.

teatreeoil007

Awww...that IS hard to see! You still have feelings for him and it really hurts. I guess this is why going "no contact" is the best thing right now. You need to just be focusing on you and your boys and in a way you are TRAINING your brain to simply: 'NOT GO THERE.' "I've had to do similar things. Don't go there....

Anyways, we're with ya and understand how you feel. You can do this. You can be happy and healthy and whole.

Kboys

Almost started crying after reading all of your responses. And I totally would if I was not in the middle of this torturous training.
Can't write too much now. I'm horrible at typing on my phone and have to go back to it..
Definitely feeling that bad employee guilt, FS! But just thank you all!!

I do know I'll be okay. ... Working on it.

Tangled34

<<Hugs>> Kboys hope you are feeling a bit better today. I just did something similar myself went and looked at a pic of AH and his new squeeze taken a few weeks ago and it instantly made me feel sick... and what do I do.... go back and have another look... torturing myself! And then I think to myself he has not changed at all as he has been on a bender since last week... He also text me at midnight last Saturday night asking if he could come to our house which I did not reply... so she is welcome to him as the saying goes "nothing changes if nothing changes" doesn't matter who she is! Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side because it's fake! Just wanted to share this with you and let you know you are not alone

Bernadette777

Hi K,
My prayers are with you. 💖🙏🌈🙏🌈

Kboys

I love you guys! Really appreciate all the ES&H
Feeling a bit better after tonite. It was as a rough day though... I had to excuse myself from the classroom to go get some tears out at one point.
I hadn't really eaten this week until tonight ... Had Thai food with some other ladies from the training...
Tomorrow pedicure I think.
Just really want to get to the point that I can think of him as a moldy sandwich and REALLy just not care at all who takes his moldy ass crumbs... I'll get there

Thankful that my low points today and last nite brought me closer to my HP

And very thankful to you all!!!

LexieCat

K, as weird as it seems, being at that training, where you have to simply push through the pain, is probably the best thing for you. Doing "normal" stuff helps get your focus back on YOUR life--where it's going from here. It's hard in the beginning but every time you push through something like this, the easier the next challenge will be. It can be very painful at the time, but it shortens the period of time that it will be painful. After a bad injury, people who are hurt sometimes have to go through painful physical therapy to regain their ability to walk and move around. Think of this as emotional therapy. You won't regain your ability to deal with day-to-day life situations unless you go out there and deal with them, even when it's hard and even when it hurts.

I would make it a top priority for you to get your own cell phone plan, however much it costs you. Get the bare minimum if you have to. Here's the thing. I SUSPECT he probably has spyware installed on your phone, too. They are inexpensive and easy to install and they can run where you can't even see it. Some of them allow him to see everything you do--listen to phone conversations, view your texts, see what apps you are using, monitor your whereabouts. GET RID OF THAT PHONE. Your cell phone service should be able to "port" your number to a new phone, or if that isn't possible because of the joint account, get a new number. Yes, it's a pain, but the security is worth it.

Kboys

Thanks Lexie
It's true... Being here at this training... Monday and Tuesday were seriously like the most anxiety ridden days that I've had in a long time... But today was better, and I know tomorrow will be okay too. I pushed through... And I'll be okay.
And honestly I really like this hotel now... It feels like a small town place in the middle of downtown... Except for all the noise outside. I've gotten to know front desk - lobby people... Cuz my keycard has not worked 4 times now... So ive had to bug them about it. it's like home. Haven't had any issues with them moving my soap around..
Got to be a tourist in the city's China town this afternoon. Took lots of pictures.
Truly I can say at this point it's been a really nice getaway.. Feeling completely different than I was 2 nights ago.
And I know I say this a lot but I am just so very thankful for every single one of you. You have been soooo important to me in the last couple of years!! I always know I can come here in my worst moments and that means so much to me.

AnvilheadII

kboys, your post made me smile!!!

and hey, if you take your haul of little soaps and shampoos home with you, you can have little mini-vacations - or at least pretend you are in a nice hotel somewhere, at least for a few minutes!!

when i was in vegas for a conference, i stayed at the Paris hotel and asked the nice maid if i could have some "extra" goodies "for my daughter at home" and she loaded me up!!! (i took the pic of the Paris balloon in my avatar!)

really happy for you, enjoy the rest of your trip.