Red flags vs issues
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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Lady-spot on. I think we were married to the same man. My ex went from respectful when sober to nasty nasty when drunk-I lowered myself so low to try abd please him and then I stopped and he searched it out elsewhere-porn and maybe other women-who knows-I don't even care! My self esteem was so battered bc he raged when confronted with the truth-reality - of his actions. Abd then true to form got drunk and denied all of them. After years of hearing how crazy I was and that nobody liked me and that thank God he still even gave me the time of day, I believed I was lucky-talk about abuse! It took me years to gain enough self respect to use my voice abd leave. He is just like his dad-a covert abuser. The truth is the truth-no matter if you agree with it or not. He's a coward on the highest level.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
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Originally Posted by LexieCat 
I don't think there always ARE red flags. It's like my foundation problem with my house--I did all the right stuff, had it inspected, but unknown to me, there was a problem that simply had not yet developed to the point where it was visible.
There are no guarantees in life, whether it's houses or relationships. Sometimes they go bad without a whole lot of obvious clues until you're already invested, ya know?
There are no guarantees in life, whether it's houses or relationships. Sometimes they go bad without a whole lot of obvious clues until you're already invested, ya know?
Also some potential future spouses keep their issues hidden during the dating period by being on their best behavior. Interesting how things can change once they've 'got' you. Sad when that happens...
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
I don't think there always ARE red flags. It's like my foundation problem with my house--I did all the right stuff, had it inspected, but unknown to me, there was a problem that simply had not yet developed to the point where it was visible.
There are no guarantees in life, whether it's houses or relationships. Sometimes they go bad without a whole lot of obvious clues until you're already invested, ya know?
There are no guarantees in life, whether it's houses or relationships. Sometimes they go bad without a whole lot of obvious clues until you're already invested, ya know?
Between this post and those who say that they are now much quicker to recognize a problem and take action, it seems to me that this is about the best that we as human beings can hope for in this respect. We're just never going to have that superhuman foreknowledge, as much as we'd like to, but we've learned enough to do much better, and we've learned enough to keep on learning.
Like Lexie says, sometimes the problem(s) just can't be seen yet--but we are most certainly responsible for doing our due diligence before we get invested, keeping an eye on things once we're involved, and taking prompt action if a problem reveals itself.
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