What is this forum for?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by gregknight 
As far as those complaints go, in the world of online forums, SR is the most well-mannered, least BS, and most helpful site I have ever been on. My heartfelt thanks to all the people who make this place work!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
This forum,to me, is another 'tool' to keep me in check and sane. This exact sub-forum, is to keep me sane,sober and protect me from my thinking . If someone tells you to leave your partner or whatever, think about where they're coming from. Been there done that, goes along way as far as advice is concerned. I'm not saying everyone's stories are the same,but they are very similar. Take what you want,yadda,yadda.. Best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Originally Posted by Marcus
I don't post over on this side of the fence too often (and that is a joke in case it didn't come across that way), but this struck a chord with me and I know it is an old post.
This can be a touchy subject and there is so much emotion involved in recovery circles and so many people at different points on their journey. In my recovery (over 5 years sober from alcohol, cocaine, pain killers, heroin, etc., etc.) one of the greatest qualities that I strive for is Humility. Trust me I strive and fail at it quite regularly.
For me humility is what opens the door to understanding and growth and can be a spiritual experience in and of itself. Ego can be a very dangerous thing. Ego does not always mean feeling superior to others (more than) it also means feeling inferior (less than). Those two extremes create the exact same uneasiness in my heart. I always remind myself that I am no better than or no less than anyone else here or in a meeting or any other human being on the planet for that matter.
In my 7 years on this site and thousands of meetings I have learned so much about myself. I really don't post all that much for how long I have been here. I can tell you I probably write one post for every 50 I consider writing. I do my best to come from a place of compassion and humility because I have been in the very place that every person who comes here has been. It was an extremely hopeless place.
I often read a post and my ego immediately wants to start judging that person. Maybe how wrong they are OR I think back to when I was in that same place and want to tell them what to do and how to do it. This same thing happens in AA or NA meetings at times when people share or everyday life whether I am driving in my car or talking to someone at work. Then I instinctively feel the need to express that opinion. I want to reach out and shake the person and say wake up OR hey I am throwing you a dam life preserver grab it already!!! I often get frustrated with myself not for what I say, but how I say it. Then there are times I am frustrated for what I say AND how I say it. I let my ego get the best of me. This does not mean burying my head in the sand or ignoring the elephant in the room, but again for me coming from a place of humility and compassion is key.
My wife likes to point out how from time to time I try to motivate people using negativity (which is much different than tough love as they call it). Being honest and being firm is vital to recovery, but there are times I cross the line and the line is not always easy to see and can be different for different people depending on where they are at.
A pause between the thought/feeling and the action is an invaluable tool in recovery and life in general. I often ask myself – Does it need to be said? – Does it need to be said now? – Does is need to be said by me? If the answer is yes hopefully it comes from a place of humility and understanding and compassion.
Anyway not sure if that made any sense at all, but that is my take from this side of the computer. I definitely think everyone means well and has different styles and experience to offer. We are all in this thing together and it is a great support community! Take Care Everyone!!!
This can be a touchy subject and there is so much emotion involved in recovery circles and so many people at different points on their journey. In my recovery (over 5 years sober from alcohol, cocaine, pain killers, heroin, etc., etc.) one of the greatest qualities that I strive for is Humility. Trust me I strive and fail at it quite regularly.
For me humility is what opens the door to understanding and growth and can be a spiritual experience in and of itself. Ego can be a very dangerous thing. Ego does not always mean feeling superior to others (more than) it also means feeling inferior (less than). Those two extremes create the exact same uneasiness in my heart. I always remind myself that I am no better than or no less than anyone else here or in a meeting or any other human being on the planet for that matter.
In my 7 years on this site and thousands of meetings I have learned so much about myself. I really don't post all that much for how long I have been here. I can tell you I probably write one post for every 50 I consider writing. I do my best to come from a place of compassion and humility because I have been in the very place that every person who comes here has been. It was an extremely hopeless place.
I often read a post and my ego immediately wants to start judging that person. Maybe how wrong they are OR I think back to when I was in that same place and want to tell them what to do and how to do it. This same thing happens in AA or NA meetings at times when people share or everyday life whether I am driving in my car or talking to someone at work. Then I instinctively feel the need to express that opinion. I want to reach out and shake the person and say wake up OR hey I am throwing you a dam life preserver grab it already!!! I often get frustrated with myself not for what I say, but how I say it. Then there are times I am frustrated for what I say AND how I say it. I let my ego get the best of me. This does not mean burying my head in the sand or ignoring the elephant in the room, but again for me coming from a place of humility and compassion is key.
My wife likes to point out how from time to time I try to motivate people using negativity (which is much different than tough love as they call it). Being honest and being firm is vital to recovery, but there are times I cross the line and the line is not always easy to see and can be different for different people depending on where they are at.
A pause between the thought/feeling and the action is an invaluable tool in recovery and life in general. I often ask myself – Does it need to be said? – Does it need to be said now? – Does is need to be said by me? If the answer is yes hopefully it comes from a place of humility and understanding and compassion.
Anyway not sure if that made any sense at all, but that is my take from this side of the computer. I definitely think everyone means well and has different styles and experience to offer. We are all in this thing together and it is a great support community! Take Care Everyone!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by FireSprite
Seems like a good day to bump this (wonderful) old post.
I've been sensing a lot of frustration on the forum lately (I could absolutely be wrong though)- it's easy to misconstrue conversations under the best of circumstances & most of us are NOT arriving at SR under the Best of Circumstances (talk about an understatement).
It's also easy for those of us farther along in this process to forget to slow down & remember just how many baby steps it took to get to where we are.
Recovery is a process where we can sometimes draw similarities but more often than not, we have to sift through all the available information & decide what works for our individual paths.
The key is keeping an open mind - if we already knew how to conquer all those demons we fight IRL we wouldn't be here in the first place, searching for comfort in the shared experiences of others who are engaged in similar struggles, right?
I've been sensing a lot of frustration on the forum lately (I could absolutely be wrong though)- it's easy to misconstrue conversations under the best of circumstances & most of us are NOT arriving at SR under the Best of Circumstances (talk about an understatement).
It's also easy for those of us farther along in this process to forget to slow down & remember just how many baby steps it took to get to where we are.
Recovery is a process where we can sometimes draw similarities but more often than not, we have to sift through all the available information & decide what works for our individual paths.
The key is keeping an open mind - if we already knew how to conquer all those demons we fight IRL we wouldn't be here in the first place, searching for comfort in the shared experiences of others who are engaged in similar struggles, right?
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 532
I have not read all four pages- but I have found SR very helpful.
In Alanon, I was told I had to make my own decision- which ultimately you have to make your own decision, no matter what anyone says. But I prefer SR because so many posters left, and I also like when people say Leave before you waste any more of your precious life. When you are stuck in an alcoholic relationship you lose perspective- and you keep hoping for a miraculous change- and you wonder if it's you- and I got myself so tied up in knots trying to stay and being afraid of life on the other side of leaving. I wanted to hear from people who left and that is what I found here. When posters write get out NOW, I just want to cheer. And- okay get mad if you want- if all partners got out, I think there would be a lot less addicts in the world. And many people recognize it while dating- and just say OH NO.
In Alanon, I was told I had to make my own decision- which ultimately you have to make your own decision, no matter what anyone says. But I prefer SR because so many posters left, and I also like when people say Leave before you waste any more of your precious life. When you are stuck in an alcoholic relationship you lose perspective- and you keep hoping for a miraculous change- and you wonder if it's you- and I got myself so tied up in knots trying to stay and being afraid of life on the other side of leaving. I wanted to hear from people who left and that is what I found here. When posters write get out NOW, I just want to cheer. And- okay get mad if you want- if all partners got out, I think there would be a lot less addicts in the world. And many people recognize it while dating- and just say OH NO.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
It is none of our business how one interprets comments that have been made. A singular comment, story, experience will resonate with each individual differently based on where the person reading the comment is at in their personal journey. I have only experienced compassion, honesty, and warmth here. Sometimes I have responded to honesty in a defensive manner because of where I was at, but it didn't make the comment less helpful, in fact those were the ones I needed to work on most.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
So much wisdom in this forum, it's a gem for sure.
Do I always like the way someone posts something - no. I sometimes find their posts hurtful (not directed at me, just in general). I think of how it will be received and I think ouch!
Well you know, sometimes it is received that way and other times the person will say - thanks <poster> that was a bit brutal but exactly what I needed to hear.
So the thing is, I don't know how someone is going to respond to my replies or others, what I do know is that the intent, by and large, is good.
Do I always like the way someone posts something - no. I sometimes find their posts hurtful (not directed at me, just in general). I think of how it will be received and I think ouch!
Well you know, sometimes it is received that way and other times the person will say - thanks <poster> that was a bit brutal but exactly what I needed to hear.
So the thing is, I don't know how someone is going to respond to my replies or others, what I do know is that the intent, by and large, is good.
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