LivingLife4Me

I am finally divorced. I am no longer a wife. I haven't had a husband in almost 2 decades that I lost because of alcoholism.

I am beyond incredibly sad. I just can't believe that it's over. I fought so hard against an unbeatable foe. I thought today he would have seen the light and say that our marriage and children were worth fighting for. He protected his disease and his mother and decided I was not enough and let me go today.

Finally. Now the waves of grief and sorrow are incredibly horrendous and I wish I wasn't alone now.

Sue

maia1234

Sue,
I am so sorry. I know the grief is there, and we still feel it every day. You have to understand

"You are walking away from unhappiness and into stability that you are creating for yourself. Don't romanticize his life, he was a mess then and he will be a mess in the future. Difference is, you won't!"

You need to take one hour at a time. Grieve the marriage. Slowly you will enjoy the peace, no fights, no fires to put out, no wondering where he is or how drunk he will be. Your life will become what you want it to be.

Hugs my friend, we all understand that you finally did something for you.

Pia

I hear your pain in your words and I am very sorry. Please know you did all you could and nothing more.
HUGS

AnvilheadII

you are not alone. we HEAR you.

healthyagain

There was an inspirational quote somewhere, and it goes something like this.

"When you are lonely, it is not that you are really alone. God actually sent the people away so you could spend some alone time with Him."

I am not extremely religious, but this quote made a lot of sense to me. It is time to get in touch with your HP, no matter how you see it, and do some soul searching. And the experience will make you grow.

And about the grief and sorrow. I am really really sorry you have to go through those. But they are necessary and this is when the actual healing starts. And know you did the right thing. You let him go. And it takes a lot of strength and courage to do that.

Just remember that just like everything in life, this too shall pass.

Liveitwell

I'm so sorry for your grief...I must say I do know how you feel as my ex chose drinking and his "mother" over his wife and kids as well. The grief will pass...In it's own time. It is true God uses these times to work on us, correct our defects of character and get closer to Him. Peace to you!

FeelingGreat

Hi LL, it's like a painful operation you needed to save your life. I hope the period of understandable grief passes soon and you start to see a more hopeful future, one you couldn't have accessed with him around.

I hope your EXAH isn't giving you a hard time over the children, custody and financial matters as he was pretty aggressive earlier on. Not that you seem like a person who can be bullied now you've freed yourself.

Please don't feel you're alone. You can post here any time, and continue your story. Hoping to hear some positive news in the near future.

teatreeoil007

My Dear Sue:

I just cannot express to you how much I share in your grief today because divorce is like death... What you feel, I feel, when you cry, I cry, when you feel sad, I feel sad, when I have a dream about you there is usually something to it and I remember dreams very very well.....i also remember everything very well...and you will always remember your marriage , but you will likely be so much happier to be free and be yourself without all the stifling stuff going on in your life that just burdens you down and suffocates you so you feel like you can't breathe and can BARELY ask for help .. you don't have to walk this journey alone either, but when you want to be alone you can be alone as much as you need to .. hey , everything's kool!

maia1234

TT-
I almost disagree, death is final. You say your good byes and you mourn him and you move on as there is nothing else you can "do" for him, As us enablers are always ready to "help".

With divorce you still feel compassion, worry, anger, love and everything else we feel for our addicts. Even when we are no longer together. It is sad but sometimes I feel if he died it would have been "easier" in a sick way, for me and my kids. Not sure why i feel that way. My x is just wasting away to a shell of a man he was. I don't see the spunk, the enthusiasm, he is just plane flat. It is also very hard to watch a slow death, which is what I feel alcoholism is.

Hugs my friend, we do care and we do understand!!

Liveitwell

^^ agreed. Great words, maja.

Katchie

Hugs sweet one...Things will get better even if you don't feel they will at the moment. My divorce was finalized just yesterday. I grieved, but, probably like you, I've been grieving the loss of my marriage for a few years. The finalization was just the final door closing on a long, hard, more often than not agonizing journey living with an addict. Sweetie, you don't have to live like that anymore or ever again. Someone suggested I look at this as finally being free, and you know what, they are right! You and I are finally free to live in peace and change the course of our lives to show our children that there is a better way and it is possible to change bad circumstances. We are not stuck!
Cry. Cry a lot. Let it all out and then find peace. You may have to revisit crying periodically and know its ok. Just don't forget to look forward to the future and I pray you find some excitement in the thought of what wonderful things lay in wait for you. You are brave! Hugs!!