Wisconsin

So as everyone predicted and I expected, as we get closer to my move, my AH is becoming increasingly hostile and unhinged. Tonight he went on a rant right in front of our son about how awful I am. He's tuned in enough to know that his usual insults aren't having any effect on me, so he occasionally trots out a new one for shock value.

Tonight, on top of the usual crap, he informed me that I am lazy. That's right, folks. Lazy. I'm glad to say that I did not rise to the bait with him tonight, but I knew I could come here and vent about it a little.

LAZY?!? Are you kidding me? I work full time. I do 100% of the cleaning. 100% of the laundry. 90% of the cooking. 90% of the childcare when we are home. 90% of day care pick up and drop off. I run the errands. When our little guy is sick, I stay home with him. I schedule the appointments. I take him TO the appointments.

But golly...because I have a desk job (as opposed to a physical labor job like my AH), I am lazy.

Thank GAWD I have him around for 15 more days to make sure I remember how lazy I am.

*snort*

OK, I feel better now.

RhodeIsland

Hey WI,
It sounds like you'll have your hands full until your move. Just remember, it's not something you have to carry anymore. I'm so happy to hear you're moving forward.
- RI

lizatola

there's a song called "Counting the Days" by Collective Soul. I would sing that song in my head whenever I was having my buttons pushed by XAH right before I moved out. It was cathartic, LOL

You're doing great, by the way. I remember when my X kicked me out(I was there to talk to him about our summer schedule) of 'his' house right before our divorce was final, and in front of our son said, "I can't look at you! You selfish b..., get the hell out of my house." Well, okie dokie, then.....and out of the house I went.

Hugs and prayers and positive thoughts to you tonight. I completely understand, you are not alone!

Hangnbyathread

Yeah I was dripping with sweat from working on her daughters car. I had left the dished out from lunch because I wanted to finish her car up in time.

Those dishes made me get the "You're a lazy effin pig"

Looking back on it, you don't realize what you tolerate, when your trying to deal with why you are again at fault for something.

healthyagain

Oh, you know it ain't true. And he knows it. They do not handle losing very well. In this case, losing something very valuable.

Make yourself unavailable. The less time you spend around him, the better.

He will probably try to suck you back in, and this is when the real crazy starts.

I'm so happy for you though. Only 15 tiny little days.

Wisconsin

Yes indeed, I am GLAD this weekend is over. Way too much time around each other. On top of it, I spent 7 hours yesterday and 6 hours today helping a friend pack up a house to move (she has a moving company and her packer called in sick). I busted my rump! The "lazy" comment came after HE brought up a series of home projects HE said he would do but HE never did. Clearly projecting his insecurities on to me.

FeelingGreat

W I admire your self-control in not pointing all of the above out to him. It wouldn't have done any good, so you made the right decision.

One day at a time....

Refiner

Hahahahahahaha! Well THERE you GO!

TryGuy

One symptom of the condition seems to be a projection of their own faults onto you. This sounds classic to me. If you tell yourself that he was talking to himself when he made those comments it might actually make a little sense as to where that came from. I've had the exact same thing so I think that's quite likely.

Hang in there, stay strong!!! You are doing amazing during what I know is a time that requires extra inner strength.

Liveitwell

Hey, W....yikes, hon. That's some serious crap right there! Fwiw, I've been there too-over the last couple of years I was with my then husband he would throw out insults that ranged from plain mean to totally untrue. I recall the night I finally called the cops on him to get him out if the house he was drunk ranting about how I didn't make enough money, how I hide behind everyone, how I am lazy, etc. Yep. Those are HIM-and his insecurities. Not me.
I'm sorry you and your little had to witness that. What an ass! Thank God it's almost over for you!!!

Peace to you!

Hawkeye13

He'll get a "firsthand look at lazy" when the cleaning, cooking, and laundry are his to do in his house when you are gone.

Revenge is, as they say, a dish best served cold. . .

LexieCat

Quack.

Whaddamaroon.

Lilro

Hey!! Lazy girl!!! Ignore him.......
Pretty soon ......I'm sure you are on the countdown. You go girl!! And really, just try to tune him out until then....he's acting like a moron. (shocking)
Hugs to you!!
From Overweight hard of hearing girl. Lol.

Praying

Oh I was so incredibly "lazy" too...

Once I was alone without him, bearing 100% of the kid, house, and job burden instead of 90%, I realized I suddenly DID have time to be lazy...time for me!

Not sure how that math worked out but the energy no longer being sucked away and spent on myself was incredible.

You're doing fantastic! I'm wondering when he'll turn to "sweet"...maybe not until you actually leave? But as others said, be ready for it. Then be ready for sweet to turn nasty if you don't turn around.

Wisconsin

Yeah, I have generally gotten very good at just ignoring all this crap. I am reminded, however, that my temporary descent into JADE a few weeks ago, when I became totally unhinged after his "I don't want our son to turn out like YOU" comment, resulted in me blurting out that I'm moving out. A full four weeks before I planned to tell him. So yes, I am putting in triple the effort to just bite my tongue for 15 more days. Reacting serves no purpose, and only escalates the drama.

dandylion

Wisconsin....I believe that their (distorted) thinking goes like this: "I will hit you in your achilles heels...and, if that doesn't work...then I will hit you in your strong points......because, I must stop you with every weapon that I have. You are the enemy because you are coming between me and my ability to drink. I cannot live without the alcohol".
"If I use every arrow in my sling and that doesn't stop her....then, I will resort to the strongest weapon of all.....manipulation. I will say what she wants to hear....and I will let her "guilt" do the job for me. I will let the "guilt" and self-doubt eat at her from the inside". I cannot live without the alcohol...this is l ife or death for me."

Maybe it will help if you remember this....

dandylion

hopeful4

LOL I was lazy too! I get ya!

I can only say that when my X was no longer around it was a huge weight off my back, one less person to take care of and clean up after!

Good for you for not rising up to his BS level!

XXX

amy55

You are doing really well. I was going to remind you of the "JADE" button, but I see you got that one covered.

Wonder what tactic he will use next, once he figure out the "JADE" button is broken.

Thinking of you

amy

AnvilheadII

and i bet in reality you are rounding down on the things you say you ONLY do 90%...........

Countdown clock is GOING!

Wisconsin

THANK YOU, Anvil! I love that I can always come here for a little validation, too.

Many people have posted about how substantially my home workload will decrease once I'm out on my own, because I will no longer be managing my AH's mess (which I do now only to the extent that it prevents the house from becoming a toxic waste dump). So while I will be doing pretty much 100% of everything in my new apartment (minus what the kids help with), the amount of time I spend on those things will quite probably decrease by 50% between no longer having to manage AH's mess and just generally being in a smaller place.