Oh Lordy...Now I'm Lazy!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I agree with what you just said 100%. I was absolutely amazed how much my workload decreased when I kicked my X out. Absolutely amazed. Now I listen to my kids talk about how he and his fiancé are slobs over at her house LOL. Just happy it's not my home!
My kids always call me the cleaning nazi. However, now they are appreciating that our house is nice and neat when they see his filth over there! I'm no nazi, he just portrayed it that way anytime I asked for help w/anything b/c he is a lazy a$$. The truth hurts LOL!
My kids always call me the cleaning nazi. However, now they are appreciating that our house is nice and neat when they see his filth over there! I'm no nazi, he just portrayed it that way anytime I asked for help w/anything b/c he is a lazy a$$. The truth hurts LOL!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Grrrr...
My AH, like yours, has a physical job, mine is a desk job.
So he seems to think this exempts him from having to do any cleaning, cooking, bathing the kids and putting them to bed.
Okay, he does help some, but when he does give me a "break" by taking the kids for a walk or giving them a bath so I can do the dishes without babies hanging on me and trying to "help" by standing on the dishwasher door and taking knives out and running off with them, it's like he thinks he deserves a Father of the Year medal.
And he gets to take a nap on Sundays, AND he gets most Mondays to himself while the kids are at day care and I am at work.
I thought I was going to have a day a few weeks ago to myself (my birthday). I had taken off from work, and the kids were spending the day and night with my parents. But he "surprised" me by calling in sick that day. Um... yay, great.
I don't think I have ever had more than an hour or two without the kids AND without AH, and the time I have had was spent cleaning.
Anyway, sorry for the rant on your thread, but I totally relate.
You're doing great Wisconsin! You're almost there!
Now get your lazy ass up and finish packing!! Lol
My AH, like yours, has a physical job, mine is a desk job.
So he seems to think this exempts him from having to do any cleaning, cooking, bathing the kids and putting them to bed.
Okay, he does help some, but when he does give me a "break" by taking the kids for a walk or giving them a bath so I can do the dishes without babies hanging on me and trying to "help" by standing on the dishwasher door and taking knives out and running off with them, it's like he thinks he deserves a Father of the Year medal.
And he gets to take a nap on Sundays, AND he gets most Mondays to himself while the kids are at day care and I am at work.
I thought I was going to have a day a few weeks ago to myself (my birthday). I had taken off from work, and the kids were spending the day and night with my parents. But he "surprised" me by calling in sick that day. Um... yay, great.
I don't think I have ever had more than an hour or two without the kids AND without AH, and the time I have had was spent cleaning.
Anyway, sorry for the rant on your thread, but I totally relate.
You're doing great Wisconsin! You're almost there!
Now get your lazy ass up and finish packing!! Lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Ha! Love ya, Kboys!
This is just another thing on the mile-long list of things that changed from when AH were dating and first got married (he was sober and working a program) to how they became when he relapsed big time 4 years ago. Sober and in recovery, he was a cooperative, helpful partner. Now he walks around the house ranting about how I'm so crazy with my "women's lib" and that I want "equality" by him helping around the house, but I haven't magically snapped my fingers to produce more money out of thin air to give him. *snort*
For anyone new who happens to be reading this, I can only say one thing (besides how very sorry I am that you are going through this); THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. No matter how many times your qualifier blames you, takes things out on you, takes you for granted, uses you, lies to you, etc., it is not about you. They are not capable of behaving like normal, rational people. I took my AH's behavior personally for far too long. The bottom line is that he is very sick, I feel sorry for him, and I hope for his own sake and our son's sake that he finds sobriety and recovery again. But that's it. I'm living my own life, getting myself healthy, and moving on.
This is just another thing on the mile-long list of things that changed from when AH were dating and first got married (he was sober and working a program) to how they became when he relapsed big time 4 years ago. Sober and in recovery, he was a cooperative, helpful partner. Now he walks around the house ranting about how I'm so crazy with my "women's lib" and that I want "equality" by him helping around the house, but I haven't magically snapped my fingers to produce more money out of thin air to give him. *snort*
For anyone new who happens to be reading this, I can only say one thing (besides how very sorry I am that you are going through this); THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. No matter how many times your qualifier blames you, takes things out on you, takes you for granted, uses you, lies to you, etc., it is not about you. They are not capable of behaving like normal, rational people. I took my AH's behavior personally for far too long. The bottom line is that he is very sick, I feel sorry for him, and I hope for his own sake and our son's sake that he finds sobriety and recovery again. But that's it. I'm living my own life, getting myself healthy, and moving on.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Wisconsin.....Women's Lib....that is a good one!! I haven't heard that term in a couple of decades......snort....lol.....
You should tell him....."Oh Yes....Archie.....I'm a real damn sufferaget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dandylion
Archie---for Archie Bunker on the sitcom series.
You should tell him....."Oh Yes....Archie.....I'm a real damn sufferaget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dandylion
Archie---for Archie Bunker on the sitcom series.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
My ex is the same way....sober he would tell me he was proud of me for working my way up without using and friends and family and setting a good example for my kids. Sober I heard great things about nyself. Drunk he would tell me that I was just a trust fund baby, that I didn't make enough money, that I had no idea how hard his job was, etc, etc. My ex actually did a lot...cooked dinner most nights (if not all some weeks) and did the grocery shopping most of the time. He helped out with laundry some but honestly that was my thing-I like doing laundry. All of his "help" stopped once he hit a certain point of drinking. And most nights if I asked him for help with something I was met with anger bc it disrupted his sitting outside by himself and drinking time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Things continue to escalate. I have essentially stopped cleaning anything but that which is absolutely necessary to keep us from living in squalor. It has been really hot here, so the kids and I have been sleeping in the living room, which is our only air conditioned room (because, you know, AH said he would put a window unit in one of the bedrooms upstairs TWO MONTHS AGO, and never did). This agitates my AH, because we usually all hide upstairs in the bedrooms and he sits on the couch after work and drinks beer by himself. Now the living room floor is covered in twin mattresses, blankets, pillows, etc., and it drives him nuts.
He got nasty with me last night, and my younger daughter (12) ran into the basement and essentially hid. My older daughter (15) just sobbed and sobbed, and said she doesn't want to come back until after the move. I told her I totally understood. They are slated to go back to their dad's tomorrow, and be there until Labor Day weekend anyway because school starts next week. So I'll get moved, and then they'll come up for the holiday weekend. The whole thing just breaks my heart. I called my employee assistance plan today and got authorizations for them both to go back to counseling. The girls and I had a long talk last night after AH went to bed, and I think we all felt better afterward, and focused on the future.
On the plus side, I talked with my new landlord yesterday, and the current tenant will be out a couple of days earlier than anticipated, so I can get the keys on August 31. I'm not sure if my friend will be able to help me move the big stuff that day, but I can get a lot of stuff moved by myself on the 31st, and wait for her to help move the few bigger things on the 1st, if necessary.
He got nasty with me last night, and my younger daughter (12) ran into the basement and essentially hid. My older daughter (15) just sobbed and sobbed, and said she doesn't want to come back until after the move. I told her I totally understood. They are slated to go back to their dad's tomorrow, and be there until Labor Day weekend anyway because school starts next week. So I'll get moved, and then they'll come up for the holiday weekend. The whole thing just breaks my heart. I called my employee assistance plan today and got authorizations for them both to go back to counseling. The girls and I had a long talk last night after AH went to bed, and I think we all felt better afterward, and focused on the future.
On the plus side, I talked with my new landlord yesterday, and the current tenant will be out a couple of days earlier than anticipated, so I can get the keys on August 31. I'm not sure if my friend will be able to help me move the big stuff that day, but I can get a lot of stuff moved by myself on the 31st, and wait for her to help move the few bigger things on the 1st, if necessary.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Ugh. Wisconsin, I am so sorry for you and your kids. It's so traumatic to be in a toxic home, for all of you.
Absolutely, you can move lots of stuff on your own, and get a good start. That's a great thing. I am also really glad to hear they will be in counseling.
Hang in there my friend!!!!!
Absolutely, you can move lots of stuff on your own, and get a good start. That's a great thing. I am also really glad to hear they will be in counseling.
Hang in there my friend!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Wisconsin 
I talked with my new landlord yesterday, and the current tenant will be out a couple of days earlier than anticipated, so I can get the keys on August 31. I'm not sure if my friend will be able to help me move the big stuff that day, but I can get a lot of stuff moved by myself on the 31st, and wait for her to help move the few bigger things on the 1st, if necessary.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Wisconsin.....I think you handled the dicey situation as well as could be handled. It is probably a blessing that the girls can go to their father for the interim.
There is never any way to predict how the partner will react to this kind of change. You just have to wing it.....
Having been through moves (I can hardly think of anything that is so frazzling)....I can tell you this....there is nothing like a strong male to do the actual brute stuff.
Is there any way you can squeeze the money to hire some guy for just a couple of hours, even? Even a couple of high school boys---if you know anyone with teenagers, they can move a mountain in a couple of hours! Think about it.
dandylion
There is never any way to predict how the partner will react to this kind of change. You just have to wing it.....
Having been through moves (I can hardly think of anything that is so frazzling)....I can tell you this....there is nothing like a strong male to do the actual brute stuff.
Is there any way you can squeeze the money to hire some guy for just a couple of hours, even? Even a couple of high school boys---if you know anyone with teenagers, they can move a mountain in a couple of hours! Think about it.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Dandy, my friend who will be helping me with the big stuff will be bringing her husband AND her 20-year old son. They can do the heavy lifting and serve as a deterrent for any asshattery should my AH decide to show up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I tell you what...my HP definitely has my back right now (I know, I know...my HP ALWAYS has my back). My AH came home from work today and announced that the contractor he's working for wants to send him out of town for four days next week. That's four fewer days having to deal with him before moving day.
Can I get an amen?!?
Can I get an amen?!?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Wisconsin
They can do the heavy lifting and serve as a deterrent for any asshattery should my AH decide to show up.
Glad AH is going to be out of the picture for several days and glad you can get moved sooner.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Not that you do - but if you ever have any doubts that this may not be the right decision - you can definitely look at the big picture & see how your HP is providing wonderful blessings along this thorny path ~
your girls going to a place they feel safer for a few days
your Landlord getting the key to your a little earlier
and
ah going out of town for work
not only does your HP love you - but I think you may be his favorite!
doing the happy dance for you!
BIG PINK HUGS!
your girls going to a place they feel safer for a few days
your Landlord getting the key to your a little earlier
and
ah going out of town for work
not only does your HP love you - but I think you may be his favorite!
doing the happy dance for you!
BIG PINK HUGS!
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