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Old 08-04-2015, 10:19 AM
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Other Areas I'm not so good at yet

My best friend is getting married in a few weeks; I am the maid of honor. I am really really happy about all of this.

I threw her a bachelorette party and I did break my own cycle of not drinking and I enjoyed some drinks. I stopped when I felt I needed to. I had chosen to quit (back in February) because, well... I feel like I am a really really good candidate for being a future alcoholic and I have even had some of my own emotional bs happen while quitting. I also really felt (and still feel) really disgusted by the insane amounts of alcohol that seem to run everyone's lives and the detrimental consequences I have witnessed. Well, that night went okay. One girl ended up sick as a dog and dry heaving all night and all day the next day. It was pretty awful to be around and just made me feel gross about the whole thing.

The wedding is coming up. We are all camping for the wedding. And I am a nervous wreck!!!! Almost 200 people are coming, many of whom smoke weed, and drink, and there will be smokers, and of course, the wedding party wants a big fire pit (and I live in California US and we are not supposed to be having campfires).
I can't imagine these people being responsible drunks and I am imagining the worst where the whole forest burns down and a bunch of drunk people can't drive down the roads to escape. And I totally plan on parking my car at the very edge, closest to the exit, and I am very tempted to show my distrust of the whole thing by telling my best friend why I am parking there.

I did tell them about the law and that there is not supposed to be a campfire. I did help them clear an area for smoking cigarettes.

I am so not looking forward to this event. And it just sucks. It has made me realize that the life I was living... the life I was after... where I was hoping to find a partner to marry (because ALL of my friends are married)... one that would "fit" into my circle of friends... a life that involved super bowl parties (with beer)... wine tasting events (California has great ones!)... LA Dodger games (with beer)... the big ball that the military throws it's members (with TONS of drinking)....

....GAH! my ENTIRE life has been going this way and I just want no part of it anymore... I feel sad because it IS what all of my best friends are living. And I kinda just don't know what to do with myself. All I know is that I am done chasing after that life, and yeah... I have positive things I am doing. I joined a gym and am beginning strength training. I am looking to further my career (actually, getting a full time job again and trying to support myself and my two daughters scares the crap out of me! but it is a must!) I have plenty of healthy interests... but God I just feel lost.

I told my friend that I will probably be hanging out with my daughters most of the night. She thought she could pay my oldest to watch all the little kids there so that us "adults" could have a party. I was like, "um... no. My kids are there to have a good time, not babysit." Reminded me of what happened to me as a kid; I'd babysit the whole neighborhood so that my parents and the other "adults" could go out and party. And honestly... I really don't fancy sitting around drinking in that possibly chaotic scenario with a bunch of people who are going to be drunk out of their mind, possibly setting the whole forest on fire, and probably ignoring their little kids who will all be shuttled into one large tent with electronics and my friend's oldest daughter being paid to babysit when she should be part of all the festivities.

Ugh...
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Old 08-04-2015, 10:30 AM
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It's progress, not perfection. It sounds like you're really aware of the dangers alcohol poses for some people and I applaud your decision to hang out with your children. Keep up the great work!
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Old 08-04-2015, 10:46 AM
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Take a breath, love.

I know I had to change a lot of the relationships I had in order to honor sobriety and a healthy life.

I feel you. I hope everyone has fun and nothing bad happens. Drunk people camp all the time. At least there will be lots of you to stomp out the fire.

Kidding.
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Old 08-04-2015, 10:57 AM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Take a breath, love.

I know I had to change a lot of the relationships I had in order to honor sobriety and a healthy life.

I feel you. I hope everyone has fun and nothing bad happens. Drunk people camp all the time. At least there will be lots of you to stomp out the fire.

Kidding.

Haha!! I am thinking of suggesting fire extinguishers and coffee cans filled with sand in the smoking area. Here I go with my controlling again! Lol
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Old 08-04-2015, 11:16 AM
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Originally Posted by LemonGirl View Post
I am thinking of suggesting fire extinguishers and coffee cans filled with sand in the smoking area. Here I go with my controlling again! Lol
Actually.... I think this would be prudent planning. Controlling would be more like running around hiding all of the lighters and matches... Although.... if you're planning on running around with the extinguisher in hand and putting out the cigarettes as they light up... maybe...

Hope you and your kiddos are able to enjoy some of the weekend!
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Old 08-04-2015, 08:10 PM
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LemonGirl I have felt exactly the way you do about my friends. I've found an awareness for dysfunction I never new before. I no longer want to hang with the cocaine party til you puke crowd. I have no patience for their drama and drunken antics. It just feels icky to me. It can be a little lonely at times, bit I'd really rather be lonely than spending time watching the nonsense.

I find that as time goes on I'm making new friends and they are much healthier relationships.

Just keep being you and things will eventually fall into place. It just takes time.
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Old 08-04-2015, 10:10 PM
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Hey LemonGirl, as a fellow Left-Coaster I'm concerned about the camp fires. Maybe you could tell whoever owns /manages the campground? It's extremely dangerous with the drought we're in, I mean look what's happening up north right now. Drunks, cigarettes, weed, campfires and our super dry conditions are a disaster waiting to happen.

I know *you* are not on board with the campfire which is good but this is serious. If the wedding party won't voluntarily give up the campfire idea maybe they should be forced to.

And good for you, changing your life and your priorities and sticking up for your kids.
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Old 08-05-2015, 04:40 AM
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Being the Maid of Honor is a pain. You are stuck in the midst of a lot of grunt work and forced to observe a lot of people's behavior as you back up your friend.

But LemonGirl, you are observing some important things. How much you are growing. You can delegate some water pail safety and tins for the smokers. 200 people = not all on you.

Don't forget that a lot of people go to baseball games and watch the Super Bowl and don't drink. No one ever 'makes' me drink at such events. Actually the last time my RAH and I went to wine country, I didn't drink either! He took me out on his motorcycle to scout a run route! Our wine country is really hilly and I started laughing hysterically the route was SO steep and hilly. We did stop at a dive bar and no one kicked us out for ordering iced tea with our food order.

I hope things go well and safely! Peace!
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Old 08-07-2015, 10:35 AM
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Originally Posted by HopefulinFLA View Post
LemonGirl I have felt exactly the way you do about my friends. I've found an awareness for dysfunction I never new before. I no longer want to hang with the cocaine party til you puke crowd. I have no patience for their drama and drunken antics. It just feels icky to me. It can be a little lonely at times, bit I'd really rather be lonely than spending time watching the nonsense.

I find that as time goes on I'm making new friends and they are much healthier relationships.

Just keep being you and things will eventually fall into place. It just takes time.

THIS!!! is exactly how I feel. Glad to know I am not crazy! lol
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Old 08-07-2015, 10:38 AM
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Originally Posted by 53500 View Post
Hey LemonGirl, as a fellow Left-Coaster I'm concerned about the camp fires. Maybe you could tell whoever owns /manages the campground? It's extremely dangerous with the drought we're in, I mean look what's happening up north right now. Drunks, cigarettes, weed, campfires and our super dry conditions are a disaster waiting to happen.

I know *you* are not on board with the campfire which is good but this is serious. If the wedding party won't voluntarily give up the campfire idea maybe they should be forced to.

And good for you, changing your life and your priorities and sticking up for your kids.

Right? I feel like, "am I being overly worried here?" Because it is NO JOKE what is happening here with the drought and the wild fires. It turns my stomach that these two are "nature lovers" and yet they are willing to do this...

I did get the bride to agree on using sand in coffee cans for ashtrays and to bring fire extinguishers up.

God, please let it rain if necessary!
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Old 08-07-2015, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by CodeJob View Post
Being the Maid of Honor is a pain. You are stuck in the midst of a lot of grunt work and forced to observe a lot of people's behavior as you back up your friend.

But LemonGirl, you are observing some important things. How much you are growing. You can delegate some water pail safety and tins for the smokers. 200 people = not all on you.

Don't forget that a lot of people go to baseball games and watch the Super Bowl and don't drink. No one ever 'makes' me drink at such events. Actually the last time my RAH and I went to wine country, I didn't drink either! He took me out on his motorcycle to scout a run route! Our wine country is really hilly and I started laughing hysterically the route was SO steep and hilly. We did stop at a dive bar and no one kicked us out for ordering iced tea with our food order.

I hope things go well and safely! Peace!

CD, thanx for the reminder!! There will probably be others there just as worried as me.
Events are actually funner when you're present, I have found. ;-)
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