theuncertainty

Sending hugs, Tangled. DS was 3 when we left AXH for the final time and 6-7 when I finally filed for divorce. AXH was horrid about seeing DS no calls, no shows. Initially, I'd try to cover for AXH. But then I realized that meant DS had both of his parents lying to him and I want DS to be able to trust me. So then, when DS asked why his dad didn't come, I'd be honest. If I didn't know, I'd say that. (I could guess that AXH was hungover or drunk, but I didn't know, so I stuck with "I don't know.") If I did know, I'd tell him. If AXH was stupid enough to let me know he was going to a game instead, I told DS. I made sure that DS and I had time together to talk about anything he wanted to talk about. I started planning things for us to go do so we weren't sitting around waiting.

DS and I talk about drinking and alcoholism. One of the books we read and he liked when he was little was The Brown Bottle by Penny Jones.

The only time DS has seen his father in the past 3 years was at AXH's father's funeral earlier this year. AXH's family hadn't seen DS through those years either; longer in the case of XSIL. AXH and I had been together for 16 years, almost 10 married. They were family. I thought they'd at least see DS. But they don't. It's part of their family dynamic. Just like I had to let go of any expectations that AXH would step up and be an involved father, I had to let go of any expectation that his family would behave like I thought Family would. It wasn't an easy thing to do and sometimes I still struggle with it.

Wishing you peace and continued strength.