Timetoheal12

I got very mad because my ex posted on his facebook the same thing he told my brother. Again, my brother told me. He ssid I needed to know.
Exabf posted the gift he was supposed to give me and wrote that he was an idiot for having ordered it from another country since we were no longer together..

I got so mad at this... Why does he publish a gift, but doesn't publish all the times he insulted, mistreated, lied and possibly even cheated on me?

So I unblocked him from Facebook and messaged him asking him to show some respect and please stop publishing stuff like that....
I deactivated my account so he couldn't reply, but he did reply to my email.

He said: "I did it for the lulz. I never mentioned your name. We are nothing anymore so don't say stuff from the past".

It ended up way worse....

Hawkeye13

No new contact = no new hurts

I suggest you delete the email and take it all as a lesson learned.

Don't beat yourself up, and start getting out there doing new things
and enjoying your life

suki44883

Your brother is wrong. You do NOT need to know this stuff. It just makes you upset. If your brother cannot stay out of this, then maybe you need to curtail your communication with him, also.

LexieCat

It was an "enormous mistake" only because you wound up hurting yourself.

You're OK. You'll survive. Put the blocks back on, secure in the knowledge that nothing he says/posts is anything you want to (or need to) know about. Let him blather. It's a free country. He'll soon get bored with it--unless, of course, you continue to let him know it gets to you.

Timetoheal12

I know this person won't stop.
He didn't stop when I ignored him, he won't stop now.
He is trying very hard to annoy me and now he must feel very happy that his goal was achieved.

He tried to get back together ad now he is doing this.
I feel like, more than loved, this person hated/hates me.

.... I blocked him already.
It was me who made the mistake

atalose

Because if he were to publish that he wouldn't date again least not a healthy person.

I wouldn't put so much stock into "FAKE - BOOK" and what all the fakes post. You know the truth that's all that really matters.

You can't control what he posts, says or does and you are never going to get any validation from him on his own ill behaviors. Accepting that and moving on is the key to a happier life.

I also agree that your brother needs to stay out of this. His ill thinking of sharing such info with you for your benefit is ill thinking.

Sungrl

The wonderful thing about mistakes is the ability to learn from them.

Next time your brother starts telling you something he thinks you should know, cut him off immediately. Walk away from the drama.

Timetoheal12

Thank you all for your replies.
In all honesty, I feel very down...

What this person is doing is something I just don't understand...
Why so much hate? What did I do to him?
And why am I so stupid to let it get to me?

SparkleKitty

I don't think this was an "enormous mistake," and I'm sorry it has you feeling down.

It really hasn't been very long since you two broke up. I guarantee that he will tire of this nonsense eventually, though not as fast as you'd like, and now you've seen what happens when you go back and touch the stove. The longer you can go without feeding the beast (i.e., giving him any attention), the sooner this will be behind you.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is shut down that voice that is blaming you and telling you that you are "stupid" for letting it get to you. You are allowed to have feelings. You are allowed to be hurt by someone who is being hurtful. Above all, you are allowed to make mistakes. The only thing that will really keep you stuck, is telling yourself that you are somehow worthless or stupid because you are an imperfect human being.

Sungrl

You have got to stop doing this to yourself.

I don't know him, I only can go off your posts.

From what you are saying he just sounds like a dick.

Quit worrying, thinking, and obsessing about him. Keep on movin' on.

LexieCat

Yup, it hasn't been very long at all (even if it feels long to you). He WILL get tired of it. Playing games like this is only fun for people like this if they are getting a reaction. No reaction and it becomes VERY boring. Tell your brother if he REALLY wants to help you to do the same thing--ignore it. Tell him not to confront him, to defend you, to challenge him to a duel--NOTHING. And tell your friends the same thing. He will goad and goad but if he doesn't get a rise out of anybody he will move on to other interests.

Sara21

You are moving on without him and refusing to take him back. That is a big blow to his ego. He is trying to get your attention and a reaction from you. This is why going no contact was so crucial for me. No contact = no drama. He sounds like he is bitter and bitter people try to bring others down. They succeed only if we let them.

You are not stupid, but you were in love. It takes time to heal, so give yourself a break and some time to deal with everything you went through. Think of this episode as a minor setback, you learn from it, and you'll move on, stronger and wiser than before.

Timetoheal12

It's really helpful to hear what you all have to say... Thanks...
For the past two years I basically covered up all the abuse he made, all the lies he said, all the crap he did...
And now I feel like I shouldn't do it anymore...
I know it sounds sick, and maybe I was (or I was blind, I dunno...) but I was covering up his actions in hopes that he would change.
He would sometimes be so kind to me that it seemed impossible that he was acting like such an evil person.
I made excuses for him, such as thinking that maybe he was just mad and needed to express his feelings because supressing them is unhealthy, or such as "oh, he needed to have sex and since we weren't together and I didn't gave him sex anyways, he has the right to sleep with his ex... even tho he told he me hated her and she cheated on him"....

Now I don't see any excuse. He is just an evil person and he likes it...
And if someone ever asks me, I would tell them the truth...

dandylion

Timetoheal.....Lexie is right...You are o.k. and you are going to survive.

It is time to stop your involvement in these childish games. It sounds sooo "highschoolish".
Turn your mind and your life toward other more self-actualizing activities.
That would be much more fitting for a young woman of your age and circumstances.
Disconnect from facebook and disconnect from anyone who has any connection----even a remote connection to him.....

dandylion

atalose

Now is the time for you to change so that you will never ever again accept such poor treatment from anyone in the name of love. Abuse is not love it’s control. Lies and covering up for someone else is not love, it’s hiding a reality and living in a pretend world.

You deserve far greater from someone who is not abusive to themselves (drugs/alcohol) or to you.

Anytime we go into a relationship or stay in one based on someone else “changing” it’s doomed for failure.

You lack something in yourself you will attract someone who lacks something in themselves.

You become healthy and have a healthy self-esteem you will attract someone healthy and a healthy relationship can then develop.

Nothing positive ever comes from revenge or character assignation. You are hurt by his lies and you are still very much attached to him emotionally and want to hurt back, want the whole world to know he is a lying cheat. Well, that will be for others to discover on their own, they don’t won’t or don’t need your help with that.

You never want to play the role of crazy ex stalker. You want to be the one who got away and never looked back and went on to live a happy and healthy life.

Timetoheal12

I do feel a little childish by talking this way.
But I just don't see any use in keeping his abuse as a secret.
There are things that even my mom (she is the one who knows most of the things he did) doesn't know.

I can even say that he tried to sexually abuse me once.
And I'm not lying, nor exaggerating... I was just being blind, I was so down, I was a slave,.. I didn't wanted anyone to know all of the things he did exactly as they were... I didn't even see all the things he did as completely abusive.... But since I've been posting here, reading books about abuse and abusers, reading about alcoholism, going to therapy everything is changing and I can say that I no longer love nor respect him... I just feel hate, and many horrible feelings about me letting all of that happen...

Sorry... this reply is all over the place...
thanks dandylion... I also need to tell you that the feminism group was a great idea...

Timetoheal12

This is true... :/ but it feels like I screwed up

LexieCat

No, you don't need to keep his abuse a secret, but you want to talk about it with people you can trust. I think what dandylion was referring to was back-and-forth Facebook posts or emails.

Talk about it with your therapist and your trusted women friends. You don't need to publicly spill it all for the sake of showing the world what a creep he was. Karma will eventually take care of that.

Timetoheal12

I basically only reactivated my account to send him that message... But I get it.

dandylion

Timetoheal.....Yes, Lexie got it right that you should be talking about it to your trusted women friends. Your therapist, for example. Perhaps, your therapist would agree that y ou should talk with someone who works in the field of abuse...someone who has experience and sees this every day. Often there are ongoing groups that are run by the experts in abuse that are of trememdous value to someone who is going through the kind of experience you have had with all this.
Your continuing feeling that you have "screwed up" in some way could be a feeling that is triggered by his abuse.....
I truly believe that this is a valid issue to bring up with the therapist or...even better....an abuse worker... Knowing that others have had this same kind of experience and that it is not your fault can be very relieving to know....

You are studying psychology and plan to have a career in that field (if I read you correctly).....so, this would be of great benefit to you from sooo m any angles....don't you think?

I do agree that the public arena is definitely not the place for evening a score. Your feelings are very understandable......

I really do hope that you join the feminist group!!

dandylion