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nothing changes if nothing changes right?

Old 04-12-2015, 11:57 AM
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nothing changes if nothing changes right?

My xabf's son contacted me on Thursday evening while on spring break in Florida with his father, my xabf saying that since they arrived on the previous Saturday my Xabf had consumed 1/2 gallon of vodka every day and that he was scared and didn't know what to do. His mom was out of the country on vacation with her boyfriend and he knew that I had lived with his dad. I had no contact with xabf for quite awhile up until this point. I told xabf's son that contacting 911 should be his first call if xabf was unconscious or endangering his life or other lives. I talked to his son for awhile and made sure he was as calm as he could be. The next morning xabf called me to thank me for calming his son down and trying to help with the situation. While on the phone xabf said he needs help, he's ready to go to rehab and would I drive him there...I said I would. Fast forward to Friday afternoon...I received a text from xabf stating he was fine, he didn't have a problem with alcohol, it was just too much sun and seafood that has been affecting him and making him pass out every day. What?? Really?? It isn't the 1/2 gallon of vodka that you are drinking every day right? So then he calls me, tells me I am a b**** for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. I hung up and have been no contact since. Wow...as I sit here and process the situation I am so sad, sad that his addiction has such a tight hold on him, sad as I am very scared he will die very soon. How can someone consume that much vodka in one day?? Let alone for 6-7 days straight? His normal drinking amount would be 1/2 gallon of vodka every 2 days.
I am working my own recovery and am trying to control my side of the street. The old me would have flown down there to try and help him. The recovering me is trying to focus on me and my recovery. I know he won't get help until he is ready, but in my heart I am scared he will never be ready. I still love him very much and it hurts me to know that he is slowly killing himself with vodka. I am just very sad and scared today..but trying to be thankful that I am no longer enmeshed in the craziness of living with an active alcoholic.
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Old 04-12-2015, 12:08 PM
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His poor son. You didn't mention his age, but I'm guessing HS-college-age. I don't think I'd lift a finger to do anything more for the ex, but if you have a way of contacting his son, maybe you could suggest Al-Anon for him.

I think you were very kind, and I might have done the same as you. I definitely would have talked to the son (and good advice you gave him, too), and maybe I would have even done the "drive to rehab."

I'm glad you don't have to deal with it every day anymore, too.
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Old 04-12-2015, 12:24 PM
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Barelybreathing,

You were very kind. And did great.

Yes focus back on you. x
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Old 04-12-2015, 01:03 PM
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Lexie, his son is 17, junior in high school. This was the most time that he had spent with his dad since the divorce several years ago. My xabf has been a very absent dad, with little or no concern for his boys. My xabf told me back in December when he made these plans that the trip would be the way back into his youngest sons life..lots of one on one time to reconnect them both. Unfortunately that's not how it worked out. I have already reached out to his son and suggest alanon. His son knows he's an alcoholic, he grew up with his dad being drunk all the time.
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Old 04-12-2015, 01:10 PM
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Good, sounds like you've done what you can.

I remember that several years after I left the last ex, his son (about that age) called with a question about a scrape he'd gotten into. I felt good that he trusted me, and I did my best to point him in the right direction. Never heard from him (or his dad) again, but I still feel good about my actions.
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