When will it stop?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I was terrified of Alanon. Show up and bare my shame to a roomful of strangers? That was never going to happen.
But through gentle encouragement here on SR, I slowly built up my courage and took the plunge. My first meeting was a newcomer's meeting held at a rehab.
I hated it. I was so angry at those people. The oldtimers who had someone sober at home, the oldtimers who were still dumb enough to be putting up with a drunk at home. The woman who shoved books at me and said, "These are for sale." The newbies who had someone in rehab. What did any of them have to complain about? I was the one who was really hurting.
But something struck a chord in me. It was one particular reading from Courage to Change. The June 3rd reading, pg. 155. Someone read the page and I thought- "How did they know about that?" Those words from a daily reader (which I did end up buying after all) completely described my life with my ex.
So the lightbulb went on. I tried another meeting, which was a better fit and has since become my home meeting. It's in the basement of a church (also my first time in a church in many years). But the meeting isn't affiliated with the church. Alanon is a spiritual program, not a religious one. I could go to a meeting and say my higher power is Zeus and no one would bat an eye.
I know how hard it was for me to walk through those doors. Sending strength and hugs your way.
But through gentle encouragement here on SR, I slowly built up my courage and took the plunge. My first meeting was a newcomer's meeting held at a rehab.
I hated it. I was so angry at those people. The oldtimers who had someone sober at home, the oldtimers who were still dumb enough to be putting up with a drunk at home. The woman who shoved books at me and said, "These are for sale." The newbies who had someone in rehab. What did any of them have to complain about? I was the one who was really hurting.
But something struck a chord in me. It was one particular reading from Courage to Change. The June 3rd reading, pg. 155. Someone read the page and I thought- "How did they know about that?" Those words from a daily reader (which I did end up buying after all) completely described my life with my ex.
So the lightbulb went on. I tried another meeting, which was a better fit and has since become my home meeting. It's in the basement of a church (also my first time in a church in many years). But the meeting isn't affiliated with the church. Alanon is a spiritual program, not a religious one. I could go to a meeting and say my higher power is Zeus and no one would bat an eye.
I know how hard it was for me to walk through those doors. Sending strength and hugs your way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by RedDog735 
It's still hard to see this. He gave me HSV but type one. There's a possibility he could've had it all along from previous partners and it stayed dormant in his body. I can't really say it was from another woman.
As for the cheating, I spoke with the girl that he "got naked with and pushed off of him." She told me that as she was about to have sexual relations with him, that he pushed her off and told her "you're not reddog go home."
I need to stop making excuses. I know this. But it's so hard when in my mind he's not so bad.
But he is..or I wouldn't be here.
As for the cheating, I spoke with the girl that he "got naked with and pushed off of him." She told me that as she was about to have sexual relations with him, that he pushed her off and told her "you're not reddog go home."
I need to stop making excuses. I know this. But it's so hard when in my mind he's not so bad.
But he is..or I wouldn't be here.
Come on.
Do you seriously believe this? I seem to remember ABF told you he slept with her because "he wanted to". Hmmm. Then there was that phone call when he reminded you he is "talking to other women and remember we are broken up". And didn't you see something on FB where he was talking with other women?
Then the HSV. OF COURSE it was dormant!!! Certainly he had no idea! Maybe it was passed on to him in Utero. Maybe we should blame his mother. I seem to recall how compassionate he was about that too.
You want to sign up for misery its your life. Don't rewrite it.
He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. You know this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I just wanted to post the link to today's "Language of Letting Go" reading for you. It seems to me it's pretty on the money for you, and I say that as someone who's been there too...hope you find it helpful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5310327
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5310327
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 36
I had an AXBF who cheated on me not once, not twice, but three times. And each time I found reasons to minimize his actions, blame myself, etc., until I was ready to let the relationship go because I could see a future for myself that was brighter without him in it. After the second cheating incident I too confronted the girl and got a quack from her just like you did, except it was "we started but just couldn't finish, it was too awkward" like THAT was supposed to make me feel better?! And yet I did use that to justify to myself staying with this guy, who ended up cheating on me yet again. Because "he loved me." Because I felt such a strong pull to him.
You spoke of the exciting new job offer, and how you felt so happy while away in FL. Focus on those feelings, and see how different they feel than that itchy instant gratification craving of being around this guy. I remember so clearly how that felt for me, the desire to be with someone who is in reality so toxic to your own well-being and personal growth. You deserve to be happy, and to be in relationship with someone who wouldn't even put himself anywhere NEAR a situation where he was naked with someone else.
You spoke of the exciting new job offer, and how you felt so happy while away in FL. Focus on those feelings, and see how different they feel than that itchy instant gratification craving of being around this guy. I remember so clearly how that felt for me, the desire to be with someone who is in reality so toxic to your own well-being and personal growth. You deserve to be happy, and to be in relationship with someone who wouldn't even put himself anywhere NEAR a situation where he was naked with someone else.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
