Kboys

AH is checking in at Hotel County Jail tonight. He has 14 days to serve in this county, and 30 in another county... for which I'm sure there is a warrant issued...not sure how many days he'll actually end up serving- but I have been looking forward to this for a long time!

I need a break. Really hoping they won't just book and release him, but I have no idea.

I feel slightly guilty for my excitement, but I know I shouldn't.

I feel slightly worried that I am going to feel so "normal" again with him gone that I won't want him to come home... or maybe I'm hoping I will feel that way, so that it will lessen the pain and speed up the process of our inevitable break up...

I don't know... just wanted to share. Thanks for listening.

CodeJob

Hi Kboys,

Take care of you. Glad you posted!

LexieCat

If he's got a detainer to serve another sentence in a different county, the first county should hold him until he's picked up. If he's got a sentence to serve there is no "book and release"--that only happens after arrest.

Enjoy your break!

Kboys

Thanks Codejob and Lexie

lizatola

I remember when my AH did his jail time. It was part relief and part fear for me. You are doing great, Kboys! Sending you lots of support.

Oh, and my AH was released a day early in the middle of the night. Scared the crap out of me when he showed up at 3 AM!! Our jail system makes no sense to me, LOL.

Kboys

Thanks Liz- Lol

knowthetriggers

Well Kboys...I don't know your backstory but I am glad you are getting a break as well.

When my AH left to "clear his head" I couldn't wait to put him on that plane. Sounds awful I know but I totally get what you are feeling.

Take care!

guava

Glad you posted - I was wondering how you've been doing. Don't feel guilty for wanting some space. You're due a little time to yourself. Hope that you get some peace and clarity while your AH is away!

Duckygirl1

Rest well dear

Kboys

Thanks for wondering about me guava I haven't been posting as much, but still reading. Nothing major has changed in my world lately... I've had some ups and downs, but doing well most days

AH called me a little while ago, and said they told him he will be there until Monday- a full week! No one has said anything to him about a warrant in the other county though...
He was supposed to have served 30 days by last July there. He is also way overdue on his fines out of that county, and has not checked in with his probation officer since last summer (supposed to every month)

Lexie, do you know... would they just not put out a warrant for something like this. It's a large county... Do they just "have bigger fish to fry?"

LexieCat

Well, some places have better inter-agency communications than others.

I wouldn't be surprised if there is a warrant out for a violation of probation.

I'd suggest you give his probation officer a call and let him/her know where he is right now, and ask about the status of any warrants and that sentence he was supposed to serve. It's public record, so probation should be able to tell you. Seems to me you could use a little time off!

hopeful4

What Lexie said!!!!

Enjoy some R&R my friend!

Kboys

So far... my break has not been as liberating as I had envisioned. It has been nice... but he's still on my mind.

I talked to him last night. He said he was having a really hard time, and needed me to comfort him. So I told him everything would be okay, we love him and we miss him.
Well this just irritated him. This is not what he wanted to hear. "I know everything will be okay," he said "I want you to tell me something positive about what our future holds... I don't want to have to tell you what to say to comfort me. We've been together long enough. You should know."
So this turned into a much longer (and much more expensive) conversation than it was supposed to be. And I hung up feeling mad and sad... and upset that I couldn't have just said what he wanted me to say... and upset at myself for being upset at myself.
I feel so conflicted when it comes to him. I feel like I'm always doing the wrong thing in his mind. I'm tired of feeling like I will never please him. I'm so tired of CARING about it and ALLOWING him to make me feel like ****. Why can't I just not care?
After all the **** he has put me through...

Well, I can't afford to talk to him much more for the rest of the week. So I guess that's good. And I'm going to yoga today at lunch. Maybe that will help clear my head.

Thank you friends

SparkleKitty

Kboys, the best thing you can do for both of you in those situations is to be as honest as you can. It doesn't help either of you to say things just to make him feel better. And it doesn't help either of you for beating yourself up for how you really feel either. All the unsaid things in your heart will just keep piling up and weigh you down. Sending strength and hugs.

hopeful4

Wow, he is really manipulating.

I expressed to my XAH when he did the same thing that I did not want to make promises I could not keep. He had to deal with that on his own. Honey, you are his wife, not his mommy.

XXX

LexieCat

He NEEDS to feel miserable right now. Sometimes feeling miserable is utterly appropriate.

There's nothing wrong with saying, "I can't make this better for you. Only you can do that."

amberly

Wow- it sounds like he should be trying to comfort you and not the other way around. I have a lot of thoughts- but I'm living a trainwreck myself- and not sure how useful my perspective would be. Good luck- stay strong.

Kboys

Thanks everybody
I appreciate all of your comments, as usual.

Kboys

Can somebody please talk some sense into me?
I had a pretty good day yesterday and today.
Then ah calls a little while Ago and says he will call again later after the boys are asleep because he has some things to talk about w me. OK I say. And we talk a while. He talked to the boys. Then I said" we love you. Bye." And I hung up
He called right back. Angry. "What are you trying to do to me?" He asks. "You didn't say I love you".
" I did. I said we love you. I love you"
He then told me he's not calling me again til he's home.
"Don't ha g up" I say "please call me later."
He might or might not. And I was thinking... Well... If he doesn't then I can drop off a letter at jail tomorrow and ask him to call me because I can t stand going all weekend or whatever without talking to him. Ahhhhh. I feel right now the way I did when he moved out... Its what I wanted but it just hurt sooooo bad.

I do t know what is wrong w me sometimes
I am smart , educated, a good mom and good friend, why do I let him do this to me?
BTW. Sorry for typos. I'm not drunk just on my phone
C

LexieCat

OK, here's talking sense:

You expressed love for him. He gets angry and accuses you of "doing something" to him because you didn't state it precisely the way he wanted you to. This is exactly like his getting hostile with you because you weren't "comforting" him the right way.

What is he, five years old? Mommy has to tuck him in, JUST SO, with exactly the RIGHT bankie or binky or he's gonna cry and throw things?

You HAVE children--you need a partner, not another child. You were hoping he'd be in jail for a month or so, so you could get a break and catch your breath. Instead, you're letting him hold you hostage BY PHONE.

You ARE smart, but you're emotionally manipulated. If I were you, I'd STOP accepting calls when you get the announcement it is coming from the county jail. Just decline. You can tell him that you are taking him up on the idea of not talking till he gets home, since each conversation apparently causes him so much distress.

You NEED a break. So TAKE one.