So far... my break has not been as liberating as I had envisioned. It has been nice... but he's still on my mind.
I talked to him last night. He said he was having a really hard time, and needed me to comfort him. So I told him everything would be okay, we love him and we miss him.
Well this just irritated him. This is not what he wanted to hear. "I know everything will be okay," he said "I want you to tell me something positive about what our future holds... I don't want to have to tell you what to say to comfort me. We've been together long enough. You should know."
So this turned into a much longer (and much more expensive) conversation than it was supposed to be. And I hung up feeling mad and sad... and upset that I couldn't have just said what he wanted me to say... and upset at myself for being upset at myself.
I feel so conflicted when it comes to him. I feel like I'm always doing the wrong thing in his mind. I'm tired of feeling like I will never please him. I'm so tired of CARING about it and ALLOWING him to make me feel like ****. Why can't I just not care?
After all the **** he has put me through...
Well, I can't afford to talk to him much more for the rest of the week. So I guess that's good. And I'm going to yoga today at lunch. Maybe that will help clear my head.
Thank you friends
