LadyWitch

So I thought I would be okay, I was feeling strong and today I caved, I broke my no contact, and called him, I cried, and damn near begged him to come home. I am lonely and tired, and today is really emotional for me because I have never been alone on Valentines day. I was crying before I left for work, though I had gotten it together, and he showed up at my job with roses and a teddy bear with a card that says " I love you Baby" I would have been fine except, we were talking about an accident I had in my truck. I told him that I would have to wait until I got my taxes back ( still being processed) before I could fix it. Here's the thing, Because I still have full rights on his bank account when I open mine I see his, and I KNOW that he flat out lied to me. I also know that while he told me that he hadnt eaten today that he had. I can see it. I know where he ate and how much he spent. AND I KNOW that what he spent was enough for a meal for 2. I didnt confront him with the lie, I said NOTHING, but after he left to " go get something to eat" because he " hadn't eaten yet" I lost it. I cried harder than I have during this entire break up or what ever we can call it. I am so confused YET again, I do love him I have loved him since I was 23, and I am now almost 58 This summer will be 35 years. and It is so hard to let go, and just move on. My head says forget him, move on, stay strong, but my heart wants to be with him. So here I am crying my eyes out on Valentines day, and Hurting. so now all I can do is Pray "Please God" help me to find my way, help me to forgive myself for being weak, and to forgive him so I can really move on. Being stuck in this podunk town is hard, I am constantly afraid I will run into him somewhere and he will have another woman with him.

LexieCat

"I have to leave and get something to eat because I haven't eaten yet" is a social excuse. It didn't MATTER whether he'd eaten or whether he was truthful about it. He wanted to leave and that was his excuse.

I'm sorry you're hurting. But you've been "no contact" with him, so is it reasonable to expect a normal, friendly visit? You haven't shared a lot of your story, but I'm sure you had a good reason to go "no contact." When you've made that decision, every time you pick up the phone or send an email, you are opening yourself up to fresh pain. It's similar to an alcoholic's having "just one" drink--it brings the addiction roaring back to life.

Hugs, and do something nice for yourself today. Tomorrow, think about getting those bank accounts and things separated so you don't have these constant glimpses into his life.

maia1234

I am sitting here reading all these comments!!! You ladies have such spirit!! laugh, laugh!!

I will be home alone with my doggie, Paddles. We are great company. I did here from the X wishing me a happy Valentines day. Telling me that he is not happy and he is not busy. (When we were married he went out every night) Now he is telling me that people don't want to hang with a single man. He is not happy??? Just like McDonalds..... Lovin' it!!

HAPPY VALENTINES TO MY SPECIAL VALENTINES ON SR!!! Enjoy the peace and quiet!!

Pink- Am I dreaming it, or did you mention that your A was trying to "stop" drinking??? How long did that last, 2 hours???

Love you guys!!!

pinkpeony

Yeah, I'm not sure how long it lasted. I don't even really care. I know he's drinking but I've not seen him drunk.

He'll never stop, he's in too deep.

maia1234

You make me laugh!!

Agree, my X also. Deep, deep hole!!

LadyWitch

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE....
Well just wanted to let y'all know that I am no longer stuck in that podunk town, I have moved away from my A EX H and I am so grateful. Just wanted to update everyone and let them know that I am moving on, slowly but surely. I still have days that AI wonder , But they are getting a little farther apart as each day passes. 2 weeks with no contact. YAY !!!! It's not easy, BUt It is helping. Blocked him on my Facebook, and getting stronger.