He's taken his BS to a new level...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
He's taken his BS to a new level...
So he came home tonight at 10:45 PM and immediately started his nonsense. This time he told me he has liver cancer. When I asked specifics he won't answer me and just goes into a tirade about me not caring about anyone but myself.
So I then voice recorded about 30 mins of his verbal abuse towards me.
Then he starts again with his liver cancer diagnosis, asks me for a favor to not say anything to the kids for two weeks until he has another liver biopsy to confirm this liver cancer. I asked him where he had a biopsy done. He said they stuck a needle through his belly button. I asked what the doctors name was and he couldn't come up with a name, and said Dr "Indian name I can't pronounce" I asked what hospital it was done at and he couldn't think of an answer. I asked him where a written pathology report was and he answered "why should I show you, you don't care about anyone but yourself."
Gosh, just shut up and go to bed. You're keeping me up with this nonsense! I tried to lock my bedroom door and he took the doorknob off.
I. Am. So. Done. With. This.
Dreaming of the day I have my own place and peace and free from this insanity.
So I then voice recorded about 30 mins of his verbal abuse towards me.
Then he starts again with his liver cancer diagnosis, asks me for a favor to not say anything to the kids for two weeks until he has another liver biopsy to confirm this liver cancer. I asked him where he had a biopsy done. He said they stuck a needle through his belly button. I asked what the doctors name was and he couldn't come up with a name, and said Dr "Indian name I can't pronounce" I asked what hospital it was done at and he couldn't think of an answer. I asked him where a written pathology report was and he answered "why should I show you, you don't care about anyone but yourself."
Gosh, just shut up and go to bed. You're keeping me up with this nonsense! I tried to lock my bedroom door and he took the doorknob off.
I. Am. So. Done. With. This.
Dreaming of the day I have my own place and peace and free from this insanity.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
Ugh. Not a nice way to end your day. ((Hugs)) Hope you're able to get some sleep so you can feel refreshed in the morning. I need to do the same -- I know when I'm overly tired, I just can't think as clearly as I'd like to and I don't have a strong foundation for staying true to myself. That's my primary goal right now, though, (staying true to me!) so I'm gonna sign off and say g'night... take care. Glad you came here to vent.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Pink--
Just an FYI-- AH's brother (he doesn't deserve the BIL status) lied to us all about a cancer diagnosis-- he would for SURE know the answers to the questions you asked him. You are right to be suspicious-- (by the way my spell checker isn't working, so forgive the spelling- I rely on technology WAY to much!)
He took the doorknob off?? On purpose? to keep you from locking the door??
hugs to you
Just an FYI-- AH's brother (he doesn't deserve the BIL status) lied to us all about a cancer diagnosis-- he would for SURE know the answers to the questions you asked him. You are right to be suspicious-- (by the way my spell checker isn't working, so forgive the spelling- I rely on technology WAY to much!)
He took the doorknob off?? On purpose? to keep you from locking the door??
hugs to you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Yeah, he's full of it with this diagnosis crap. What the heck.
And yeah, I locked the door so he wouldn't keep coming in and verbally go off on me and he took the doorknob off.
He also told me he wasn't buying me anymore food and that I can starve to death.
And on and on and on.
And yeah, I locked the door so he wouldn't keep coming in and verbally go off on me and he took the doorknob off.
He also told me he wasn't buying me anymore food and that I can starve to death.
And on and on and on.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
I don't have a plan. I'm stuck. Other than leaving my daughter and my dogs with AH and going to a shelter. My car is broken down. I need a miracle to occur in order to get the money to fix it. Once it's fixed I have more options and can find some kind of work. And then work on plan B.
I've eaten today. He finally bought stuff for a big batch of chili four days ago (and complained that he spent money on it) so I've been eating that everyday.
My mom did but me a $50 food card to a grocery store so when that comes in the mail I can buy some things.
Our daughter (17) has been staying with a friend for the past two weeks while the friends parents were in Mexico so he's gotten away with buying the bare minimum food wise. He doesn't come home until late so he eats out.
He's so resentful of having to buy me anything/pay for anything for me. And I hate that he has to. Ugh.
I've eaten today. He finally bought stuff for a big batch of chili four days ago (and complained that he spent money on it) so I've been eating that everyday.
My mom did but me a $50 food card to a grocery store so when that comes in the mail I can buy some things.
Our daughter (17) has been staying with a friend for the past two weeks while the friends parents were in Mexico so he's gotten away with buying the bare minimum food wise. He doesn't come home until late so he eats out.
He's so resentful of having to buy me anything/pay for anything for me. And I hate that he has to. Ugh.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
OK- that's right- I remember now
I wish you would go to a shelter- but I'm not you and you are the one making the call here. If I were in your shoes, who knows, maybe I'd stick it out too.
It just sucks that you can't even get away from him to the privacy of your bedroom.
Yes, my ex used to make me feel like total garbage for having to spend money on me. It made me intensely embarrassed and angry. So it REALLY fueled me to bring in my OWN income!
But.. you will when you're ready. I know you have anxiety really bad. I do understand that. I get panic attacks and they are terrifying. I literally have to pull over the car (that's when I get them most) and just bawl until it's over. Then even after it's over I'm still feeling the residuals from it ALL damn day. Yeah girlie, I hear ya.
You just hang in there. I know your smart enough to leave when if it gets too much for you. I mean it sounds like it is, but I think you'll know when your ready.
hugs! get a good night sleep!
I wish you would go to a shelter- but I'm not you and you are the one making the call here. If I were in your shoes, who knows, maybe I'd stick it out too.
It just sucks that you can't even get away from him to the privacy of your bedroom.
Yes, my ex used to make me feel like total garbage for having to spend money on me. It made me intensely embarrassed and angry. So it REALLY fueled me to bring in my OWN income!
But.. you will when you're ready. I know you have anxiety really bad. I do understand that. I get panic attacks and they are terrifying. I literally have to pull over the car (that's when I get them most) and just bawl until it's over. Then even after it's over I'm still feeling the residuals from it ALL damn day. Yeah girlie, I hear ya.
You just hang in there. I know your smart enough to leave when if it gets too much for you. I mean it sounds like it is, but I think you'll know when your ready.
hugs! get a good night sleep!
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
The shelter sounds preferable to this asshat and his abuse. I've lived in a shelter before. With two young children. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and it was a luxury spa compared to living with my AM. Your daughter is considered legal in most places and can figure out what she's going to do for herself. Just saying. You aren't stuck. You simply have a solution you don't like.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
So I choose between going to a shelter and leaving my daughter behind with a totally unreliable and undependable alcoholic? There is no shelter in my county. Closest one is 30 min drive away in the next county. So what do I do with my daughter who is in her senior year of high school and already stressed to the Max with college applications and everything seniors are stressed with along with a crappy home life. She can't stay in her school if she went to the shelter with me because it's in two different counties. It would be ridiculous to force her to move school districts 3 months before she graduates. She has two good friends. I've already looked into her possibly living with them. Both sets of parents said no.
She's 17 with anxiety of her own. She can't figure out what to do with herself in this situation. That's ridiculous. I'm not throwing her to the wolves.
So what's the answer?
The shelter seems like a wonderful place, they have a website, it's on a farm. There would be the possibility I could have my animals there as they converted old horse stalls to animal
housing.
But it would be very wrong of me to abandon my child with an active alcoholic who is completely unreliable, and absent as a parent.
She's 17 with anxiety of her own. She can't figure out what to do with herself in this situation. That's ridiculous. I'm not throwing her to the wolves.
So what's the answer?
The shelter seems like a wonderful place, they have a website, it's on a farm. There would be the possibility I could have my animals there as they converted old horse stalls to animal
housing.
But it would be very wrong of me to abandon my child with an active alcoholic who is completely unreliable, and absent as a parent.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Wait...I had to read this post again....what I really want to say would probably get me thrown off the Forum so I will just say that this dude is a total Jerkhole!!!!!
Tight hugs Pink.....you deserve so much better!!
Tight hugs Pink.....you deserve so much better!!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Pink- schools will sometimes wave residency requirements for a senior with only a few months until graduation. You need to call your local DV hotline. I know in my county people in your position are sometimes put up in a local hotel in emergencies. Your local church may have an emergency food pantry and you can contact your local animal shelter and may get temporary foster care for your dog's.
There are options. You just have to care enough about yourself to find them.
There are options. You just have to care enough about yourself to find them.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You also said your daughter COULD stay with a friend but that she wasn't willing to do that.
Here's the deal. She's 17. You are still her parent. Even if she doesn't want to go stay with a friend, if the only other options are the two of you staying with this maniac or your going to the shelter and HER staying with this maniac, I think you are well within your parental rights to insist that she either go to the shelter with you or go stay with a friend. This environment is far more emotionally damaging and stressful for her than the other alternatives.
As much as you need help and support, you still have to be a mom. She doesn't have to like it. She's 17--at that age anything parents "make" you do are things you don't like.
Here's the deal. She's 17. You are still her parent. Even if she doesn't want to go stay with a friend, if the only other options are the two of you staying with this maniac or your going to the shelter and HER staying with this maniac, I think you are well within your parental rights to insist that she either go to the shelter with you or go stay with a friend. This environment is far more emotionally damaging and stressful for her than the other alternatives.
As much as you need help and support, you still have to be a mom. She doesn't have to like it. She's 17--at that age anything parents "make" you do are things you don't like.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Lexie what if she went to DFACS and reported that AH is withholding food and basic needs for survival?
Pink I am in agreement with Lexie here. This is a dangerous situation - your daughter may not like it but a shelter is the better alternative than living with this maniac. I know you mentioned your brothers have money, but unlikely to help. Would it be worth it to try and call and see if at the very least they would get your car fixed? Are they aware of the situation that you are living in?
Pink I am in agreement with Lexie here. This is a dangerous situation - your daughter may not like it but a shelter is the better alternative than living with this maniac. I know you mentioned your brothers have money, but unlikely to help. Would it be worth it to try and call and see if at the very least they would get your car fixed? Are they aware of the situation that you are living in?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yes, child protective services would have to investigate and would probably take some action. I would think this would qualify as child abuse/neglect. And it would certainly be better for the child's non-abusive parent to report than it would be for some other party (a teacher, counselor, etc.).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
Can you kick him out? You have every right to your residency as he does...sorry, I am new to this group so don't know your whole story. I am so sorry you are going through this. I can relate though. My husband get drunk after work (at the house) and then goes on this verbal lectures on how I am not doing my part in the marriage...how I am **itty to him...how I am not this, or I do this wrong..and on and on. I have learned from past Al Anon meetings (went years ago due to ex) that you cannot reason with someone that is drunk. he is always going to think what he is saying is right. Very frustrating. I hope you are able to come up with a solution for you and your daughter. Praying for you...
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