dandylion

freetosmile.....your description of the shelter on a farm sounds wonderful in the possibilities for you and your daughter, as well. And, for your dogs! They will have all the resources that you are needing, right now...in one central place. Don't forget that there will be support there for your daughter, as well.
She will probably really like it, once she gets the benefits of a new and more nurturing environment.
Making this temporary move will not damage her. It might make her pxxx-ed for a little while...but, she will get over it.
The people at the shelter will probably shower her with attention and support.

Pink, look at the big picture. You will be showing her, by example, that a woman has to take her welfare into her own hands and that she must not tolerate abuse from a man.
You are showing her how to survive when the going gets tough...how to make the "hard" decisions.

A teen needs solid and firm boundaries, anyway...they feel safer that way (oh, sure, the will grumble and roll their eyes.
YOU..not her...are the captain of this ship. Your job is to m ake the best decisions for you and her in the long run.

I really suggest that you contact the dv staff at the shelter and let them guide you through this. This is what they exist for. This is their passion...to help those in your exact situation.
I don't think you would ever regret this action....I believe that this is the h elp that you have been praying for.

dandylion

dandylion

firebolt

Pink - A LOT of churches and maybe even your DV center could help with your car if you explain the situation. Our church growing up helped so many families repair cars, and even bought them working vehicles. It might be worth checking into. Just sending you and your daughter peace. (((HUGS)))

zoso77

pink...

No advice from me. Our members have touched the bases that need to be touched. Work towards a solution regarding your daughter's schooling, leave no stone unturned.

pinkpeony

I have been making calls.
My daughter would not mind living with a friend at all.
She has two friends. I swallowed my pride and called the parents. Both said no. They didn't think it would work. What she objected to was living at the shelter because she would have to be pulled out of her school.
I've called the achool, have spoke with the counselor, the principal and the school superintendent. Since the shelter is in another county the only way my daughter could stay in her school and finish out her senior year would be for me to pay tuition and provide her transportation back and forth. Both out of the question. The situation doesn't matter. It's their policy.

I need to clarify the food thing. My daughter has been staying with a friend while the friends parents were in Mexico. She's been there for about 2 weeks. The food thing has occurred while she has been gone.

He won't do that with the food while she is here.

Maybe I'm wrong but I would rather stay and take the verbal abuse if it means my daughter is able to finish out her senior year at her school. This kid is brilliant, scored a 32 on her ACT, is involved with the academic team, theater, and others, it's very difficult for her to make friends as she has an eating disorder and is obese. She has social anxiety also.
Moving her put of her school now would be a very bad thing.
As soon as she graduates, that's a whole 'nother story.

When our daughtebia here AH can basically control himself. It's when she's not here that he goes after me with all of the hatefulness.

AH and I had agreed that I would stay here until daughter graduates, during that time we would find a way to fix my car, and I would work on my health issues (there is more going on with my health other than my depression/panic attacks) and I would find any type of job to start saving for my own place.
When he's drunk, all of that goes out the window.

All of these months since May I haven't has health insurance. I was finally able to get on Obamacare, so I have insurance now, just no way to appts. I'm working on that too.

So, I have been making calls and looking into my options.

dandylion

pink...wouldn't it be possible for her to stay at the friend's house while you are at the shelter and taking advantage of all the benefits there to get yourself back on track?

dandylion

pinkpeony

She has two friends.
I posted above that I called the parents and asked if she could live with them initial school was finished. I offered to pay up to $50 a week.
Both sets of parents said no.

maia1234

You are in my prayers Pink!!

I am so sorry!!

fluffyflea

At least while you are there DOCUMENT everthing he says and does which is abusive towards you which is basically everything by the sounds of it so you can use it in court. Dates/times everything.......

-the not buying of food and his threats and tirades...

oh by the way the cancer nonsense seems to be a common theme.......

pinkpeony

Last night I was able to voice record a lot of his verbal tirade on my phone.

If I had the $ to get my car fixed and get a place for my daughter and dogs and I, I'd be gone in a heartbeat.

hopeful4

Pink, I am so sorry. I understand the need to protect your child, I would do the same.

Is there any way that when she goes to a friends (like she has for the last two weeks) that the shelter would allow you to stay during that time? When she comes home you come home?

Just a thought.

Please know you and your DD (who sounds amazing BTW) are in my heart and prayers.

Duckygirl1

I'm with Sad in tx. I don't think I understand why you and your daughter have to leave. He is a grown man, your daughter comes first and as the mother of a recovering A I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that little girl needs you like oxygen. You are her link to stability of some kind. This man, and I use the term loosely, has every right to destroy himself if he chooses, but not your daughters or your life! ((((Big hugs))))

pinkpeony

If he leaves, I will be stuck here with a non-working vehicle and no money at all.
I have no money to pay rent, bills, or anything and with my car not working I have no way to get a job.
At this time I'm completely dependent on him which I hate and he has made it abundantly clear that he hates.

LexieCat

If you get a protective order, he can be required to provide financial support--including transportation and other expenses.

Have you looked into it? Called the shelter to ask about the possibility of a protective order? Not housing, an ORDER.

zoso77

Is it possible for your brother to pay for the car repairs until you can get on your feet?

pinkpeony

The thing is Lexie, is he has a disabled son he is responsible for taking care of also. A 26yo paralyzed from the waist down & with some mental disabilities that lives with his half brother in the next county. AH doesn't make enough to help with his disabled son, support himself in a household and support another whole household here also.

fluffyflea

Isn't the son entitled to disability pension?

pinkpeony

They are very well aware of the situation and I would think if they wanted to pay for the repairs they would offer.
But they don't which makes me very leary of asking them.

I'm almost to the point of asking though.
My brother that has the most money is not the giving generous type and his wife doesn't really like me.
My other brother doesn't have as much money and not sure he could help with all of the expense.

dandylion

Pink....he is committing more than one form of domestic abuse (as per your posts).
Maybe you have never thought of it in this light, before.
If you look at it in this context, you h ave rights that there is a way to have enforced.

dandylion

zoso77

You don't have anything to lose by asking, pink. He's your brother, and you need to come clean with him regarding how critical your situation has become.

The worst thing he can say is no.

pinkpeony

Yes but it's not enough for rent, food, and all of the medical supplies, ect. That he requires every month.
We have to pay $60/wk for his adult diapers alone.