My last post
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Amy)) - I will admit, I haven't read through all the posts. We share more than just our names
I also suffer from PTSD, though not for the same reason you do.
You have shown your heart and soul, from both sides of the "addiction fence" and I, for one truly have been blessed by what you have shown.
PTSD makes us unsure, scared to trust. Please don't let that keep you from the people that get SO much from what you share.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
I also suffer from PTSD, though not for the same reason you do.You have shown your heart and soul, from both sides of the "addiction fence" and I, for one truly have been blessed by what you have shown.
PTSD makes us unsure, scared to trust. Please don't let that keep you from the people that get SO much from what you share.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 30
Amy, you write like you see the light in people and you try to feed that light. I think your approach is a shining example of what Alanon is all about! See the good in people and they will prove you right. People have protective layers...sometimes peoples' "tough love" approaches seem to be coming from anger and control issues... from what I understand about Alanon it's supposed to be about supporting people finding their way....not tearing into them...maybe a sponsor can challenge a sponsee, but that is a relationship that works best with trust and over time...Please take care of yourself, and know that your posts have helped me. (((((((((Amy/Ann Marie)))))))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 283
Amy, it breaks my heart that because of your overwhelming kindness you feel like you have to go. I agree with Loopy as a lurker and one that hasn't spilled my guts your sympathy towards newcomers makes it slightly easier to do so one day. You are a bright light in this forum and I hate to see you go. Hopefully, you just need to take a break for awhile. You speaking in MLS thread helped me write my first post. Boy, you would really be missed. Just seeing the cute dog was an indication that the words that would follow would be inspirational. Hope you break through whatever it is that has gotten a hold of you. Much kindness and hopefulness, Puffy.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
You have nothing to be sorry for. You belong here as much as anyone else. When I encounter posts that trigger or upset me, I click away from them right away. It might help to block those who you feel are not compassionate.
I would love it if you'd stay. You provide a lot of hope, wisdom, insight, and compassion.
xoxo
I would love it if you'd stay. You provide a lot of hope, wisdom, insight, and compassion.
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by Seren 
Hi Amy,
I hope, at least, that you are still reading. I would like to share something with you and everyone else. I don't like what people here define as 'tough love'. Never have, never will. Because, you see, what people here call 'tough love' is not what that term is actually meant to be.
Tough love is tough because it is hard on us. It's painful for us to do what we know we should do in the best interest of our loved ones. It hurt my husband and I to stop enabling his son, but we knew that in the long run, it was in his best interest, even though it was very painful for us in the short term.
What passes for 'tough love' around here is a sort of in-your-face, blunt, aggressive way of talking. What some folks refer to as 'just speakin' the truth'. I think it's completely possible to speak the truth with kindness, compassion, and love. Harsh words and harsh language are never necessary.
I left SR for a while, too, early in my membership because sometimes this sort of aggression was just too much. I have also witnessed newcomers depart and not return because they were on the receiving end of a heavy dose of this 'tough love'. That is the biggest shame of all. Because when members stay, magical change can happen in their lives through the support and combined wisdom of this wonderful community.
I know that many disagree with my approach. I know that many here say they have benefited from 'tough love', and that's great. But when a new member arrives, we just don't know what will benefit them most until we get to know them.
The internet (WWW) is the Wild, Wild West, and caution is always appropriate. We are all just made-up names on a computer screen. But I strive to be kind to everyone, treat everyone with dignity and respect, and still speak my truth.
I hope you stay, Amy. When you share your experience and what has and has not worked for you, it truly helps people!
I hope, at least, that you are still reading. I would like to share something with you and everyone else. I don't like what people here define as 'tough love'. Never have, never will. Because, you see, what people here call 'tough love' is not what that term is actually meant to be.
Tough love is tough because it is hard on us. It's painful for us to do what we know we should do in the best interest of our loved ones. It hurt my husband and I to stop enabling his son, but we knew that in the long run, it was in his best interest, even though it was very painful for us in the short term.
What passes for 'tough love' around here is a sort of in-your-face, blunt, aggressive way of talking. What some folks refer to as 'just speakin' the truth'. I think it's completely possible to speak the truth with kindness, compassion, and love. Harsh words and harsh language are never necessary.
I left SR for a while, too, early in my membership because sometimes this sort of aggression was just too much. I have also witnessed newcomers depart and not return because they were on the receiving end of a heavy dose of this 'tough love'. That is the biggest shame of all. Because when members stay, magical change can happen in their lives through the support and combined wisdom of this wonderful community.
I know that many disagree with my approach. I know that many here say they have benefited from 'tough love', and that's great. But when a new member arrives, we just don't know what will benefit them most until we get to know them.
The internet (WWW) is the Wild, Wild West, and caution is always appropriate. We are all just made-up names on a computer screen. But I strive to be kind to everyone, treat everyone with dignity and respect, and still speak my truth.
I hope you stay, Amy. When you share your experience and what has and has not worked for you, it truly helps people!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 160
Thank you Amy, for your words and wisdom. We have truly been honored by the gifts you have given all of us here on SR; I hope you understand how much your presence has meant to us, and to me personally. I get all happy when I see your avatar coming up in the conversation, because that tells me something GOOD is right around the corner. I don't have to agree with you (though usually I do) to recognize the value of your posts and trust you write them in sincerity, goodwill, and genuine love.
So I will believe you now, too, when you say you have to go. I trust you will do what you honestly believe is in your best interest. I'm ashamed to admit my codie self popped back up out of where she was hiding and said, "ooh Amy, stay here with me/us. I/We can fix this for you." (Bet I'm not the only one!) Not good for any of us. If staying here on SR is unhealthy for you, then go on with your bad self and go get better! Go do your work, and then when you feel safe, come back home and show us what you've accomplished.
So I will believe you now, too, when you say you have to go. I trust you will do what you honestly believe is in your best interest. I'm ashamed to admit my codie self popped back up out of where she was hiding and said, "ooh Amy, stay here with me/us. I/We can fix this for you." (Bet I'm not the only one!) Not good for any of us. If staying here on SR is unhealthy for you, then go on with your bad self and go get better! Go do your work, and then when you feel safe, come back home and show us what you've accomplished.
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