is this verbal abuse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 47
is this verbal abuse
I have no idea..it happens when I disagree with something he says. I generally apologize and try to keep the peace and can see I am wrong. But I didn't see unless be tells me. If I have any problems he tells me ialways have problems. ifi cry he tells me I am sulking or always depressed. And bring him down. I just wish he would be compassionate but it never happens.
He googled emotional bully the other night. I had asked him not to drink over a certain amount. He had drank over quite a lot of hours his point was he wasn't affected. I jus didnt want to deal with him needing to have more. I thought it was a boundary. .if he had more to sleep on the couch upstairs. He called me a bully 20 times over and over. He read this wife being an emotional bully link out loud. It hurt me so much.
This morning I tried to tell him it hurt me. His answer was he was hurt and he wouldn't be abused. He is starting to say I am abusive in front of our children. I am at a loss. He says counselors are useless. I just feel there is no point trying to communicate. He says I am the abusive one..
He googled emotional bully the other night. I had asked him not to drink over a certain amount. He had drank over quite a lot of hours his point was he wasn't affected. I jus didnt want to deal with him needing to have more. I thought it was a boundary. .if he had more to sleep on the couch upstairs. He called me a bully 20 times over and over. He read this wife being an emotional bully link out loud. It hurt me so much.
This morning I tried to tell him it hurt me. His answer was he was hurt and he wouldn't be abused. He is starting to say I am abusive in front of our children. I am at a loss. He says counselors are useless. I just feel there is no point trying to communicate. He says I am the abusive one..
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
my ex tried to flip the script on me all the time as well. It is manipulation and mind control.
Though, I did have a part in it. I stayed and I played the game with him. My only salvation came from ending the r/s and creating a stable environment without him in it.
Many times people with addiction project their feelings of inadequacy against those who are closest to them and playing on the merry-go-round with them. There is nowhere else to direct the loathing and self hatred. My xABF referred to me as 'debbie downer' and a party pooper. And those were the nice things he said about me.
You are going to have to look inside yourself to make the changes you want to see. What kind of life do you envision for yourself and your children?
Though, I did have a part in it. I stayed and I played the game with him. My only salvation came from ending the r/s and creating a stable environment without him in it.
Many times people with addiction project their feelings of inadequacy against those who are closest to them and playing on the merry-go-round with them. There is nowhere else to direct the loathing and self hatred. My xABF referred to me as 'debbie downer' and a party pooper. And those were the nice things he said about me.
You are going to have to look inside yourself to make the changes you want to see. What kind of life do you envision for yourself and your children?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by lolitalola 
I just wish he would be compassionate but it never happens.
I bet he didn't look up alcoholic husband/father. He will not put that in the equation because he does not think he has a problem, for him, you are the problem. He is in denial. He does not think his drinking is a problem much less that he is an alcoholic.
This is the blame game. It does not matter what you do or say they are going to flip it and make it all about them. You hurt them, you embarrassed them, you are demanding of them, you talk about them, you make them feel guilty, you you you...Do you see the cycle here?
They will never look at themselves while they are drinking, even if they do for a fleeting moment it will be pushed down by denial and again, it will be your fault. If not yours, someone else's.
It is emotional abuse but they really believe it is the fault of others, they can't and won't look in the mirror, they are not capable if they are active in their drinking or using. It is not like they sit around thinking "I know this is my fault but I will blame them" they really think it is the fault of another and they will continue this line of thinking unless they get sober and start to work a recovery program. They are not capable of seeing their part.
Because of this, you need to do what is right for you. You need to learn to not personalize what they are saying. They would say it to a tree if it was standing there, you just happen to be available. Stop making yourself available for the abuse.
Work on you and your own recovery program. Learning to detach from the comments and the life he is living and live your own. If you can't do that while you are with him then you have some tough questions to ask yourself.
It is time to take the focus off him and put it on you and your children.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
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Yes, it is abuse. It is abusive to bring your children into this and spew his crap onto them. You deserve better, and so do your children. But only you can make the changes that you need in order to no longer live with the abuse.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Lola, he is an alcoholic who had been drinking and you tried to take his drugs away. What did you expect his reaction to be?
Imagine a crack head smoking crack and you then tell them, mid binge, that they need to stop smoking. What would you expect their reaction to be?
As an alcoholic myself I can assure you that there is no difference. An alcoholic will twist and turn and manipulate and tantrum and abuse and make up and freak out again......anything to keep drinking. Thats the nature of the beast, its what we do and your husband is no different. Is it abusive? Of course it is. In years to come you won't have to worry about that because he will be too messed up to be able to google anything on the laptop that he won't have, unless he quits drinking.
Imagine a crack head smoking crack and you then tell them, mid binge, that they need to stop smoking. What would you expect their reaction to be?
As an alcoholic myself I can assure you that there is no difference. An alcoholic will twist and turn and manipulate and tantrum and abuse and make up and freak out again......anything to keep drinking. Thats the nature of the beast, its what we do and your husband is no different. Is it abusive? Of course it is. In years to come you won't have to worry about that because he will be too messed up to be able to google anything on the laptop that he won't have, unless he quits drinking.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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He is not an alcoholic though so I feel it is me. I dont know. I feel it has reached a crisis. Before I suggested a walk as I was scared he would drink again tonight. He started to tell me it was a bettertime than this morning to complain and I said communication was ineffective.
He walked off on me and the kids again...putting me down in front of the kids, telling me he would make my life hell, I am doing this to the kids, he is done with me. I am stuttering apologies and ilmy heart is pounding it is my sons 3rd bday tomorrow. My kids are crying why is he doing this to me. They start school next week this is our first holiday in a year. I have to hold it together and make it good.
He walked off on me and the kids again...putting me down in front of the kids, telling me he would make my life hell, I am doing this to the kids, he is done with me. I am stuttering apologies and ilmy heart is pounding it is my sons 3rd bday tomorrow. My kids are crying why is he doing this to me. They start school next week this is our first holiday in a year. I have to hold it together and make it good.
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Hun, you might try reading some of the stickies posted at the top of the forum. He certainly sounds like an alcoholic. Continued denial of the situation will only make matters worse for you and your children.
Hope you can find a better way of life. You have found good support here. Keep coming back.
Hope you can find a better way of life. You have found good support here. Keep coming back.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
I denied I was an alcoholic for many years which prolonged dealing with my problem head on. One poster here put it well to help folks determine whether or not someone may be an alcoholic....ask yourself...."does your husband's drinking cause problems in his life?". If the answer is yes then there may be a fire where there is smoke.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by lolitalola
He is not an alcoholic though so I feel it is me
Your main issue as I see it is domestic abuse. When you said he looked up bullying, I thought he was referring to himself. He's the bully, but he's turning it onto you. How can you protect yourself and the children from this abuse?
You could stop monitoring his drinking. He will drink whenever he wants, and will turn it against you if you try to stop him. You sound like you've become hyper vigilant about how much he drinks, and it's like a parent- naughty child relationship.
You could try calling the DV helpline. DV is not just physical, bullying (his) is absolutely within their scope, and they may be able to point you towards resources to help you cope.
Don't let him drive you to a breakdown. Try and find advice and support from your community and mental health professionals. You may even have to consider separating from him if he is creating an unhealthy atmosphere for the children.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Oh brother, poor him,the victim!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes it is abuse what he is doing, Gaslighting they call it.
Yes it is abuse what he is doing, Gaslighting they call it.
Originally Posted by lolitalola
I have no idea..it happens when I disagree with something he says. I generally apologize and try to keep the peace and can see I am wrong. But I didn't see unless be tells me. If I have any problems he tells me ialways have problems. ifi cry he tells me I am sulking or always depressed. And bring him down. I just wish he would be compassionate but it never happens.
He googled emotional bully the other night. I had asked him not to drink over a certain amount. He had drank over quite a lot of hours his point was he wasn't affected. I jus didnt want to deal with him needing to have more. I thought it was a boundary. .if he had more to sleep on the couch upstairs. He called me a bully 20 times over and over. He read this wife being an emotional bully link out loud. It hurt me so much.
This morning I tried to tell him it hurt me. His answer was he was hurt and he wouldn't be abused. He is starting to say I am abusive in front of our children. I am at a loss. He says counselors are useless. I just feel there is no point trying to communicate. He says I am the abusive one..
He googled emotional bully the other night. I had asked him not to drink over a certain amount. He had drank over quite a lot of hours his point was he wasn't affected. I jus didnt want to deal with him needing to have more. I thought it was a boundary. .if he had more to sleep on the couch upstairs. He called me a bully 20 times over and over. He read this wife being an emotional bully link out loud. It hurt me so much.
This morning I tried to tell him it hurt me. His answer was he was hurt and he wouldn't be abused. He is starting to say I am abusive in front of our children. I am at a loss. He says counselors are useless. I just feel there is no point trying to communicate. He says I am the abusive one..
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Lolitalola,
It is always time to take care of ourselves, but especially when the children are being hurt, upset, brought in to the madness. This will affect them forever. You are their momma, and have every right to protect them from his insanity..and I do think he is being insane, and trying to make you as miserable as he is.
call the Domestic violence resources in your area. You don't have to do anything this moment, but it will be handy for when you need it.
Don't let him make your life miserable, or your childrens. Get some help.. talk to someone, when he does not know it. Get some strength back sweetie. This happens a lot to women. He is a bully, but bullys are usually cowards, and you can't be bullied if you don't let yourself be, mentally anyway.. but you need help. some emotional support.
keep coming here, we will support you in finding your personal power again!
hugs
chicory
It is always time to take care of ourselves, but especially when the children are being hurt, upset, brought in to the madness. This will affect them forever. You are their momma, and have every right to protect them from his insanity..and I do think he is being insane, and trying to make you as miserable as he is.
call the Domestic violence resources in your area. You don't have to do anything this moment, but it will be handy for when you need it.
Don't let him make your life miserable, or your childrens. Get some help.. talk to someone, when he does not know it. Get some strength back sweetie. This happens a lot to women. He is a bully, but bullys are usually cowards, and you can't be bullied if you don't let yourself be, mentally anyway.. but you need help. some emotional support.
keep coming here, we will support you in finding your personal power again!
hugs
chicory
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by lolitalola
He is not an alcoholic though
Whether he is or he isn't, he is emotionally and verbally abusive. Now whether that is a symptom of his alcohol abuse or a personality disorder is not really the issue here and it is not for you to find out, that is his problem.
What you can do now is educate yourself on alcoholism and to get emotional help and support for you.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Hi loli, I am glad you reached out. I want to make something clear. If you are asking if you are really the abuser the answer is NO! But, your husband is. It is not healthy, normal or ok for him to put you down, insult you or belittle your feelings or attempts to communicate. It is also abusive of him to do so in front of your children.
I know it is confusing to be treated this way by someone who is supposed to love you but that is why he is doing it. He wants to keep you confused. He wants you to walk on eggshells. As long as you do he can keep hurting you.
The kids unfortunately are hurt and confused by his treatment of you. Later they will start to get angry at you for accepting it. Later still, they will start treating you the same. Then, they will go on to treat their boyfriends/girlfriends the same way or they themselves will also find partners that treat them the same way you are being treated.
Please seek out help.
I know it is confusing to be treated this way by someone who is supposed to love you but that is why he is doing it. He wants to keep you confused. He wants you to walk on eggshells. As long as you do he can keep hurting you.
The kids unfortunately are hurt and confused by his treatment of you. Later they will start to get angry at you for accepting it. Later still, they will start treating you the same. Then, they will go on to treat their boyfriends/girlfriends the same way or they themselves will also find partners that treat them the same way you are being treated.
Please seek out help.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Sure.
I recall when she came home from Rehab and was screaming at me and the kids . . . and I was being Verbally Abusive.
Oh wait a minute. No, I was not.
Other times I have Eating Disorder(s) and also Personality Disorders.
Oh wait a minute. No, I did not.
Anything about *them* that they cannot bear -- you probably must have.
Part of the Mental Illness.
Here is the background >>>
Psychological projection - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I recall when she came home from Rehab and was screaming at me and the kids . . . and I was being Verbally Abusive.
Oh wait a minute. No, I was not.
Other times I have Eating Disorder(s) and also Personality Disorders.
Oh wait a minute. No, I did not.
Anything about *them* that they cannot bear -- you probably must have.
Part of the Mental Illness.
Here is the background >>>
Psychological projection - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
[QUOTE=lolitalola If I have any problems he tells me I always have problems. if I cry he tells me I am sulking or always depressed. And bring him down He called me a bully 20 times he was hurt [/QUOTE]
I completely understand what you are saying, I go have been going the exact same things you are describing. I've been kept awake till 2 or 4 in the morning (we both have to be up to get ready for work by 5:15) being lectured and talked down to like I am a child being punished sitting in the bed in the dark while he tells me all the ways I have wronged him and how selfish I am, how I make him feel unimportant, I do not make time for him, How he does EVERYTHING for me and I do nothing for him blah blah blah......Its basically a lecture on how I am so awesome!!! and how you suck
I know it hurts its very hard to listen to your husband say things to you about yourself that are untrue and expect you to just except these things as if they are facts. For me it feels like my AH tries to tell me what I feel , Why I feel it and if I've done something like not answered my cell when he called for the 10th time in an hour, he tries to tell me why I did that (because I was driving couldn't get to my phone)but he will tell me it is because I am selfish and do not care about him NOBODY can tell us how WE feel that's something that is ours YOUR feelings belong to you and another helpful thing to remember trust your feelings, your instincts if something doesn't feel right to you its Not. Being on the receiving end of this makes us feel confused, insecure and like nothing we do or say is right and I know for me depending on how bad his mood is even if I said what I know he would want to hear it still would be wrong he will find something wrong with any and everything its like they like the turmoil and drama, keeping thing stirred up. Ask yourself some questions like Is he always blaming you for things? Is everything your fault ? Do you feel confused a lot of the time? Are you able to express your feelings about anything ? Do you feel comfortable talking to him? Do you feel judged or criticized? Mine really liked to say little things that undermine me in front of our kids or just things that are very insensitive and if I show any sign of being upset I get the GOSH What is wrong with YOU ?!?! I didn't know you couldn't take a joke! and my favorite is the very sarcastic SORRY!! He says it like bratty little teenager its so sarcastic . And one last thing I want you to keep in mind this is something I am having a hard time with right now its just hard to accept believe this is what my marriage has become but I have been warned my therapist and by coworkers and even recently by my parents and ive been in my marriage for 20 years but at some point this emotional abuse it is highly likely to become physical abuse its all about control and keeping us feeling down and bad about ourselves. When they run out of ways to control us emotionally they may resort to trying to physically get control. It's been very hard for me to imagine him physically hurting me but what he is right now is not the man I was married to for all of these years. My AH is becoming more of a stranger to me than anything else and I'm having to face the fact that I am starting to become afraid of him a I Never thought that would happen to me but I don't think any woman thinks this kind of stuff will happen to her I know this is very different from what I had dreamed and planned for my family at this point in our lives I also know that things happen for a reason and I am going to have to make some difficult choices but my daughters and I are gonna be happier and mentally and physically safer when we are away from this . Remember you are not doing ANYTHING wrong, He wants you to feel that way, he is trying hard to make you feel worthless and stupid this abuse gets very manipulating and from my own situation It gets a lot worse Talk as much as you can to the others on this forum they are very experienced and can offer so much support and they will really help to build you back up and I will keep you in my thoughts .
I completely understand what you are saying, I go have been going the exact same things you are describing. I've been kept awake till 2 or 4 in the morning (we both have to be up to get ready for work by 5:15) being lectured and talked down to like I am a child being punished sitting in the bed in the dark while he tells me all the ways I have wronged him and how selfish I am, how I make him feel unimportant, I do not make time for him, How he does EVERYTHING for me and I do nothing for him blah blah blah......Its basically a lecture on how I am so awesome!!! and how you suck
I know it hurts its very hard to listen to your husband say things to you about yourself that are untrue and expect you to just except these things as if they are facts. For me it feels like my AH tries to tell me what I feel , Why I feel it and if I've done something like not answered my cell when he called for the 10th time in an hour, he tries to tell me why I did that (because I was driving couldn't get to my phone)but he will tell me it is because I am selfish and do not care about him
NOBODY can tell us how WE feel that's something that is ours YOUR feelings belong to you and another helpful thing to remember trust your feelings, your instincts if something doesn't feel right to you its Not. Being on the receiving end of this makes us feel confused, insecure and like nothing we do or say is right and I know for me depending on how bad his mood is even if I said what I know he would want to hear it still would be wrong he will find something wrong with any and everything its like they like the turmoil and drama, keeping thing stirred up. Ask yourself some questions like Is he always blaming you for things? Is everything your fault ? Do you feel confused a lot of the time? Are you able to express your feelings about anything ? Do you feel comfortable talking to him? Do you feel judged or criticized? Mine really liked to say little things that undermine me in front of our kids or just things that are very insensitive and if I show any sign of being upset I get the GOSH What is wrong with YOU ?!?! I didn't know you couldn't take a joke! and my favorite is the very sarcastic SORRY!! He says it like bratty little teenager its so sarcastic . And one last thing I want you to keep in mind this is something I am having a hard time with right now its just hard to accept believe this is what my marriage has become but I have been warned my therapist and by coworkers and even recently by my parents and ive been in my marriage for 20 years but at some point this emotional abuse it is highly likely to become physical abuse its all about control and keeping us feeling down and bad about ourselves. When they run out of ways to control us emotionally they may resort to trying to physically get control. It's been very hard for me to imagine him physically hurting me but what he is right now is not the man I was married to for all of these years. My AH is becoming more of a stranger to me than anything else and I'm having to face the fact that I am starting to become afraid of him a I Never thought that would happen to me but I don't think any woman thinks this kind of stuff will happen to her I know this is very different from what I had dreamed and planned for my family at this point in our lives I also know that things happen for a reason and I am going to have to make some difficult choices but my daughters and I are gonna be happier and mentally and physically safer when we are away from this . Remember you are not doing ANYTHING wrong, He wants you to feel that way, he is trying hard to make you feel worthless and stupid this abuse gets very manipulating and from my own situation It gets a lot worse Talk as much as you can to the others on this forum they are very experienced and can offer so much support and they will really help to build you back up and I will keep you in my thoughts .
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
If you don't want to label him an alcoholic, that's fine. But his drinking is a problem, he can't just up and quit, and he becomes defensive and abusive about it. That's enough to say he has a problem, and if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck... coming out of denial and seeing what you're really dealing with will help you a TON moving forward. (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
LL- He is abusive. Your kids are watching that abuse. I hate to say that they will mirror what their father is doing. Is this the type of children that you want.
You are in control of you and your childrens life. At some point you will find that you need to save you and the children and let him go.
((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
You are in control of you and your childrens life. At some point you will find that you need to save you and the children and let him go.
((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by unease7
I completely understand what you are saying, I go have been going the exact same things you are describing. I've been kept awake till 2 or 4 in the morning (we both have to be up to get ready for work by 5:15) being lectured and talked down to like I am a child being punished sitting in the bed in the dark while he tells me all the ways I have wronged him and how selfish I am, how I make him feel unimportant, I do not make time for him, How he does EVERYTHING for me and I do nothing for him blah blah blah......Its basically a lecture on how I am so awesome!!! and how you suck
I know it hurts its very hard to listen to your husband say things to you about yourself that are untrue and expect you to just except these things as if they are facts. For me it feels like my AH tries to tell me what I feel , Why I feel it and if I've done something like not answered my cell when he called for the 10th time in an hour, he tries to tell me why I did that (because I was driving couldn't get to my phone)but he will tell me it is because I am selfish and do not care about him NOBODY can tell us how WE feel that's something that is ours YOUR feelings belong to you and another helpful thing to remember trust your feelings, your instincts if something doesn't feel right to you its Not. Being on the receiving end of this makes us feel confused, insecure and like nothing we do or say is right and I know for me depending on how bad his mood is even if I said what I know he would want to hear it still would be wrong he will find something wrong with any and everything its like they like the turmoil and drama, keeping thing stirred up. Ask yourself some questions like Is he always blaming you for things? Is everything your fault ? Do you feel confused a lot of the time? Are you able to express your feelings about anything ? Do you feel comfortable talking to him? Do you feel judged or criticized? Mine really liked to say little things that undermine me in front of our kids or just things that are very insensitive and if I show any sign of being upset I get the GOSH What is wrong with YOU ?!?! I didn't know you couldn't take a joke! and my favorite is the very sarcastic SORRY!! He says it like bratty little teenager its so sarcastic . And one last thing I want you to keep in mind this is something I am having a hard time with right now its just hard to accept believe this is what my marriage has become but I have been warned my therapist and by coworkers and even recently by my parents and ive been in my marriage for 20 years but at some point this emotional abuse it is highly likely to become physical abuse its all about control and keeping us feeling down and bad about ourselves. When they run out of ways to control us emotionally they may resort to trying to physically get control. It's been very hard for me to imagine him physically hurting me but what he is right now is not the man I was married to for all of these years. My AH is becoming more of a stranger to me than anything else and I'm having to face the fact that I am starting to become afraid of him a I Never thought that would happen to me but I don't think any woman thinks this kind of stuff will happen to her I know this is very different from what I had dreamed and planned for my family at this point in our lives I also know that things happen for a reason and I am going to have to make some difficult choices but my daughters and I are gonna be happier and mentally and physically safer when we are away from this . Remember you are not doing ANYTHING wrong, He wants you to feel that way, he is trying hard to make you feel worthless and stupid this abuse gets very manipulating and from my own situation It gets a lot worse Talk as much as you can to the others on this forum they are very experienced and can offer so much support and they will really help to build you back up and I will keep you in my thoughts .
I know it hurts its very hard to listen to your husband say things to you about yourself that are untrue and expect you to just except these things as if they are facts. For me it feels like my AH tries to tell me what I feel , Why I feel it and if I've done something like not answered my cell when he called for the 10th time in an hour, he tries to tell me why I did that (because I was driving couldn't get to my phone)but he will tell me it is because I am selfish and do not care about him
NOBODY can tell us how WE feel that's something that is ours YOUR feelings belong to you and another helpful thing to remember trust your feelings, your instincts if something doesn't feel right to you its Not. Being on the receiving end of this makes us feel confused, insecure and like nothing we do or say is right and I know for me depending on how bad his mood is even if I said what I know he would want to hear it still would be wrong he will find something wrong with any and everything its like they like the turmoil and drama, keeping thing stirred up. Ask yourself some questions like Is he always blaming you for things? Is everything your fault ? Do you feel confused a lot of the time? Are you able to express your feelings about anything ? Do you feel comfortable talking to him? Do you feel judged or criticized? Mine really liked to say little things that undermine me in front of our kids or just things that are very insensitive and if I show any sign of being upset I get the GOSH What is wrong with YOU ?!?! I didn't know you couldn't take a joke! and my favorite is the very sarcastic SORRY!! He says it like bratty little teenager its so sarcastic . And one last thing I want you to keep in mind this is something I am having a hard time with right now its just hard to accept believe this is what my marriage has become but I have been warned my therapist and by coworkers and even recently by my parents and ive been in my marriage for 20 years but at some point this emotional abuse it is highly likely to become physical abuse its all about control and keeping us feeling down and bad about ourselves. When they run out of ways to control us emotionally they may resort to trying to physically get control. It's been very hard for me to imagine him physically hurting me but what he is right now is not the man I was married to for all of these years. My AH is becoming more of a stranger to me than anything else and I'm having to face the fact that I am starting to become afraid of him a I Never thought that would happen to me but I don't think any woman thinks this kind of stuff will happen to her I know this is very different from what I had dreamed and planned for my family at this point in our lives I also know that things happen for a reason and I am going to have to make some difficult choices but my daughters and I are gonna be happier and mentally and physically safer when we are away from this . Remember you are not doing ANYTHING wrong, He wants you to feel that way, he is trying hard to make you feel worthless and stupid this abuse gets very manipulating and from my own situation It gets a lot worse Talk as much as you can to the others on this forum they are very experienced and can offer so much support and they will really help to build you back up and I will keep you in my thoughts .Lately my AH has taken to doing exactly what you've described in your first paragraph.
I normally can ignore all of his alcoholic crap but lately these cruel "lectures" are really getting to me and really bringing me down. (I have severe depression issues anyhow) and I think have brought on panic attacks in me.
I really can't see him ever being physically abusive to me other than throwing his wedding ring at me, but I don't know.......
((hugs to us all))
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Are you married to my X?????
It is definitely a form of abuse, and one that almost gave me a nervous breakdown before it was all over.
Get help for you! Counselors would tell him he is wrong and he does not want that. I can tell you a good counselor for you would be a great asset to you.
It is definitely a form of abuse, and one that almost gave me a nervous breakdown before it was all over.
Get help for you! Counselors would tell him he is wrong and he does not want that. I can tell you a good counselor for you would be a great asset to you.
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