Am I Being Naive?
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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Am I Being Naive?
I am new to this forum. Two months ago, my husband revealed his struggle with alcohol (for the last six months). My husband is a wonderful, loving family man. His family means the world to him and cares for us so deeply. He's never encounter any thing in his life he couldn't stop except this. His realization started during Lent this past year. It was the first time he couldn't stop drinking for Lent. Then, he tried to stop in the summer, but it didn't last. He's apparently a binge drinker (maybe 2x/mth.) which I just learned this fall. Flash forward to the end of October, he came home upset from a business trip. He binged on alcohol and blacked-out at a bar (all alone). It scared him alot..and me. I often pride myself on being very observant - but I'd have to say I was totally clueless and didn't his struggle and the blacking out. I don't drink so my familiarity with all of this was nil. Since then, I've been doing a lot of research. We talked and agreed - AA meeting and therapy. He attended a handful of AA meeting and all was going well (abstained for 4 weeks) until a couple of weeks ago. He had a stressful day at work (business trip) and on the way home he had 2 beers. Slip up #1. He was honest and told me immediately. Start again fresh the next day. Five days later - I find a beer in the laundry room that he was hiding. Slip up #2 and now he's introduced dishonesty. I told him he needed to pour the entire drink down the sink. Two days after Christmas, I found liquor store receipts of alcohol purchases in his pants pocket. It's more psychological for him (no physical dependency) - he loves specialty beers and browsing. He's done that for years. Anyway, we talked - and he explains he purchased the beer, but later tossed the unopened bottles in a trash can. He didn't drink any of it, but he apparently had been doing this a few times - walk into a liquor store, purchase beer and then throw it away or dump it. Again, I was totally clueless. I told him no more - this hurt me. He needed to up his AA meetings, abstain and be honest. He was so remorseful and truly was saddened that I was hurt. He's agreed to 90 AA meetings in 90 days, will abstain and be totally honest with me. Am I being naive? a fool? He's such a wonderful man and loves me and our children dearly. Thanks for your help.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, and welcome. Well, the one kinda hopeful thing about your situation is that he seems to WANT to not want to drink. That's actually a start. He is worried about his drinking.
The one thing I'd suggest to you is that you step away from your efforts to control the situation. Pouring out booze, checking for receipts, insisting on what he do for his own recovery, is not going to help him. And it certainly isn't going to help you. I'd suggest you find a local Al-Anon group or two and get focused on yourself. Let him manage his recovery. If he's serious about it, it will come. He may drift in and out of AA for a while. Maybe he's got more drinking to do before he's convinced he really can't manage it on his own (I'm speaking as a recovered alcoholic with six years of sobriety and someone who's been in two marriages to alcoholics--one of whom has been sober almost 35 years, and the other who will probably never quit drinking). Most of us need to convince ourselves that the "extreme" measure of quitting for good is the only solution. Whether you can stand to stick it out through this process will depend on how bad it gets and your own tolerance. It doesn't sound, from your post, as if his drinking has had a hugely negative impact on your relationship up till now, so the best thing you can do is to educate yourself about alcoholism, get involved in Al-Anon, keep posting here, and keep your focus on you and your life and off his drinking and recovery efforts as much as possible.
The one thing I'd suggest to you is that you step away from your efforts to control the situation. Pouring out booze, checking for receipts, insisting on what he do for his own recovery, is not going to help him. And it certainly isn't going to help you. I'd suggest you find a local Al-Anon group or two and get focused on yourself. Let him manage his recovery. If he's serious about it, it will come. He may drift in and out of AA for a while. Maybe he's got more drinking to do before he's convinced he really can't manage it on his own (I'm speaking as a recovered alcoholic with six years of sobriety and someone who's been in two marriages to alcoholics--one of whom has been sober almost 35 years, and the other who will probably never quit drinking). Most of us need to convince ourselves that the "extreme" measure of quitting for good is the only solution. Whether you can stand to stick it out through this process will depend on how bad it gets and your own tolerance. It doesn't sound, from your post, as if his drinking has had a hugely negative impact on your relationship up till now, so the best thing you can do is to educate yourself about alcoholism, get involved in Al-Anon, keep posting here, and keep your focus on you and your life and off his drinking and recovery efforts as much as possible.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
I am four years sober, thought I would just let you know that building up to my final quit, I also went through insane routines of buying alcohol but then pouring it away. It was like two sides of me fighting. My av and the real me.
It was a horrible struggle in my head. Whether to drink it or not.
I would also say the most helpful thing you can do for you both is step away. He needs to find his own quit in himself, to plan his own personal recovery route, be it AA or whatever fits his needs best. Each person needs to focus on themselves.
My AH is still active and I have found Al-anon to be a wonderful help to me. Supporting my growth.
All the best to you.
It was a horrible struggle in my head. Whether to drink it or not.
I would also say the most helpful thing you can do for you both is step away. He needs to find his own quit in himself, to plan his own personal recovery route, be it AA or whatever fits his needs best. Each person needs to focus on themselves.
My AH is still active and I have found Al-anon to be a wonderful help to me. Supporting my growth.
All the best to you.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome to SR BrightDay!
Lexi is right at noticing your H seems to understand he has a problem and is actively working on it. This is truly a good thing.
What about you? What are you doing for you and your stress?
Lexi is right at noticing your H seems to understand he has a problem and is actively working on it. This is truly a good thing.
What about you? What are you doing for you and your stress?
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Thanks LexieCat, LeeJane and CodeJob for your responses. Very helpful.
I was on the fence with Al-Anon (go or not go), but I think I should and I appreciate your advice to attend the meetings. I almost went to my first meeting last night, but I hesitated. So, I'll go to the next one. And, hopefully, I'll be more prepared emotionally for whatever might come in the months and years ahead.
Thanks again. Here's hoping everything turns out well. I'll keep posting - this is such a supportive group.
I was on the fence with Al-Anon (go or not go), but I think I should and I appreciate your advice to attend the meetings. I almost went to my first meeting last night, but I hesitated. So, I'll go to the next one. And, hopefully, I'll be more prepared emotionally for whatever might come in the months and years ahead.
Thanks again. Here's hoping everything turns out well. I'll keep posting - this is such a supportive group.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 273
Your post has been on my mind the past few days coming from "the other side." I totally agree with a number of the other responses. This one (thanks Lexiecat):
The one thing I'd suggest to you is that you step away from your efforts to control the situation. Pouring out booze, checking for receipts, insisting on what he do for his own recovery, is not going to help him. And it certainly isn't going to help you.
Agreed completely. If he's intent on drinking all he's going to do is going to learn how to hide it better when you dump it. There were plenty of times that my better half dumped all the booze in the house, put bottles out on the counter, etc. I just went and bought more and paid cash. No matter how much you understandably want to control the situation you can't. He's going to want to stop drinking. You in the process have every right to set your own boundaries of what is and is not acceptable behavior in your home and stick by those boundaries. Beyond that do everything you can to work on yourself. Trying to control merely breeds resentment and leads no where good.
Best of luck to both of you.
Peace,
Cookies
The one thing I'd suggest to you is that you step away from your efforts to control the situation. Pouring out booze, checking for receipts, insisting on what he do for his own recovery, is not going to help him. And it certainly isn't going to help you.
Agreed completely. If he's intent on drinking all he's going to do is going to learn how to hide it better when you dump it. There were plenty of times that my better half dumped all the booze in the house, put bottles out on the counter, etc. I just went and bought more and paid cash. No matter how much you understandably want to control the situation you can't. He's going to want to stop drinking. You in the process have every right to set your own boundaries of what is and is not acceptable behavior in your home and stick by those boundaries. Beyond that do everything you can to work on yourself. Trying to control merely breeds resentment and leads no where good.
Best of luck to both of you.
Peace,
Cookies
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Hi BrightDay, and welcome.
I had quite the flashback reading your post, and although I have nothing much to add in the way of advice (I think Lexie and the others have it covered), I wanted to chime in as a sort of warning.
It's understood that alcoholism is a progressive disease in the alcoholic, but it progresses in us, their loved ones, as well. As my STBXAH's alcoholism progressed I became increasingly caught up in the "game" of catching him in his deceptions. He, on the other hand, became quite skilled at deceiving. The more hiding places I found the better he got at hiding. I didn't realize at the time how futile my efforts were. In fact, I got so caught up in the game that I let other areas of my life fall apart. His sickness became my sickness.
If I were to do it over again I would have jumped into Alanon much quicker, and I would have dedicated myself to myself much sooner. Most importantly I would have allowed him to suffer his own consequences, being sure to protect myself both emotionally and financially. I'm not saying I would have left him sooner. I know I wouldn't have. I just wish, in hindsight, that I had spent more time preparing myself for my own future than chasing him down his rabbit hole.
Good Luck to you both.
I had quite the flashback reading your post, and although I have nothing much to add in the way of advice (I think Lexie and the others have it covered), I wanted to chime in as a sort of warning.
It's understood that alcoholism is a progressive disease in the alcoholic, but it progresses in us, their loved ones, as well. As my STBXAH's alcoholism progressed I became increasingly caught up in the "game" of catching him in his deceptions. He, on the other hand, became quite skilled at deceiving. The more hiding places I found the better he got at hiding. I didn't realize at the time how futile my efforts were. In fact, I got so caught up in the game that I let other areas of my life fall apart. His sickness became my sickness.
If I were to do it over again I would have jumped into Alanon much quicker, and I would have dedicated myself to myself much sooner. Most importantly I would have allowed him to suffer his own consequences, being sure to protect myself both emotionally and financially. I'm not saying I would have left him sooner. I know I wouldn't have. I just wish, in hindsight, that I had spent more time preparing myself for my own future than chasing him down his rabbit hole.
Good Luck to you both.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
Well - a heartfelt thanks to all of your responses. I truly appreciate everyone taking their time to share their experiences and offer guidance. I am very fortunate to have found SR.
It's always humbling to realize - there's more to learn in life. I plan to attend an Al-Anon meeting next Monday. I've started to grasp this will be a process, and I now firmly believe the investment of my time in Al-Anon and SR is time well spent.
Hope you all have a Happy New Year. I'll keep posting. Thanks for your help and support.
It's always humbling to realize - there's more to learn in life. I plan to attend an Al-Anon meeting next Monday. I've started to grasp this will be a process, and I now firmly believe the investment of my time in Al-Anon and SR is time well spent.
Hope you all have a Happy New Year. I'll keep posting. Thanks for your help and support.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: The planet Earth, or at least that's what I've been told.
Posts: 130
Bright -
Is there anyone else in his family that is addicted to alcohol? I am a little confused at your post because you say he is psychologically addicted to alcohol but not physically. Alcoholism is a physical addiction by definition, so either he's addicted to it or he isn't.
If the problem is purely psychological then maybe you could try couple's therapy. Maybe the drinking isn't the real problem at all.
Is there anyone else in his family that is addicted to alcohol? I am a little confused at your post because you say he is psychologically addicted to alcohol but not physically. Alcoholism is a physical addiction by definition, so either he's addicted to it or he isn't.
If the problem is purely psychological then maybe you could try couple's therapy. Maybe the drinking isn't the real problem at all.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Chantal88 
Alcoholism is a physical addiction by definition, so either he's addicted to it or he isn't.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Originally Posted by Chantal88
... Alcoholism is a physical addiction by definition, so either he's addicted to it or he isn't...
Neither I nor most of my recovered friends were physically addicted to alcohol, but we sure were alcoholics suffering from alcoholism.
(o:
NoelleR
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Bright. Thank you. I'm glad you came here and shared. You are BLESSED that he saw, knew and decided he needed help at a pretty early stage. From your description, he sounds to be a good solid man that has encountered his first challenge that he KNOWS he needs help with. This is hard for men to do. Compared to most in here, you have got it made!! I spent years being blamed for all that drinking was doing to my XAGF. Your man is golden to me. I am always told by others how astute I am, but my G/F managed to drink to excess without my knowing, for years.
The dishonesty, hurts us all. The first thing I was given when I went to Al-Anon was hand-outs. In one of those handouts, was a "Letter from your alcoholic". I can't remember the exact words but it tells you point blank, "Don't believe my promises. Even though I mean them when I say them, I won't be able to keep them." Further you learn quickly by others, that dishonesty is a common theme in this.
You are not only not unique, you will find the patterns of dishonesty are almost interchangeable. I thought nobody had an AC as bad as mine. Then I meet others and its like CRAP they ALL do this crap.
IF he wants to get over this, part of what he needs to do is be honest with himself first and foremost. In the case of my XAGF, she could never do that. She could sort of do some of it, "Yeah I shouldn't be mean to others" etc. But the hard stuff, AA allows them to skirt around and be none the wiser. No matter what the program, your husband has to commit to himself, not to you, not to the kids, not to work, HIMSELF, that he needs to not want to be drinking.
Until then, you need to NOT try and dictate the environment he is in. You will become the blame for it not working. And all your energy spent on it will not only be wasted, it will further build up your hostilities towards him.
Yes you are early on in the process. And doing and feeling all the natural things we go through. So welcome to where we have all been.
As to the clinical aspects of this I saw discussed by some a little. I was fortunate to have been to med school. I actually excelled in the genetics courses, even though it wasn't where I was headed in my goals. But I found it fascinating and eye opening. There is a positive and definite genetic link to alcoholism (or any addiction). Yes lifestyles, family dynamics etc factor into it, but clinically, the body responds to alcohol differently if you have the mutated gene. If the body never sees alcohol that gene stays recessed, but once that chemical introduction happens, that gene activates and life with alcohol is forever different after that. So this is a condition that he can't help having. But it can be treated. I don't prescribe to the "There is no cure". Learning how to make the right choices, can cure it affects, and your dependency to reach for it, but the proclivity to alcohol will be there forever. He will have to live differently forever if he hopes to be cured of its affects.
This doesn't mean that an AC gets a pass, it just means that for them it isn't as easy as saying, OK I just won't drink anymore. It is a LOT harder for them to stop than it is you or I. We can drink alcohol, it metabolizes and its over. We don't get a little voice in our brain that says......You must get this again.
What Med school teaches us is addictions are real, people can't help it, even though they know its bad. It is more than free will at work. It is choices, but choices that are burdened with a genetic dependency for it are HUGELY more difficult to kick.
Come here to talk and listen. Go to Al-Anon to talk and listen. Go ANYWHERE for this besides the house you live in with your AC. Because he won't want to talk about your recovery, and you shouldn't make him.
The dishonesty, hurts us all. The first thing I was given when I went to Al-Anon was hand-outs. In one of those handouts, was a "Letter from your alcoholic". I can't remember the exact words but it tells you point blank, "Don't believe my promises. Even though I mean them when I say them, I won't be able to keep them." Further you learn quickly by others, that dishonesty is a common theme in this.
You are not only not unique, you will find the patterns of dishonesty are almost interchangeable. I thought nobody had an AC as bad as mine. Then I meet others and its like CRAP they ALL do this crap.
IF he wants to get over this, part of what he needs to do is be honest with himself first and foremost. In the case of my XAGF, she could never do that. She could sort of do some of it, "Yeah I shouldn't be mean to others" etc. But the hard stuff, AA allows them to skirt around and be none the wiser. No matter what the program, your husband has to commit to himself, not to you, not to the kids, not to work, HIMSELF, that he needs to not want to be drinking.
Until then, you need to NOT try and dictate the environment he is in. You will become the blame for it not working. And all your energy spent on it will not only be wasted, it will further build up your hostilities towards him.
Yes you are early on in the process. And doing and feeling all the natural things we go through. So welcome to where we have all been.
As to the clinical aspects of this I saw discussed by some a little. I was fortunate to have been to med school. I actually excelled in the genetics courses, even though it wasn't where I was headed in my goals. But I found it fascinating and eye opening. There is a positive and definite genetic link to alcoholism (or any addiction). Yes lifestyles, family dynamics etc factor into it, but clinically, the body responds to alcohol differently if you have the mutated gene. If the body never sees alcohol that gene stays recessed, but once that chemical introduction happens, that gene activates and life with alcohol is forever different after that. So this is a condition that he can't help having. But it can be treated. I don't prescribe to the "There is no cure". Learning how to make the right choices, can cure it affects, and your dependency to reach for it, but the proclivity to alcohol will be there forever. He will have to live differently forever if he hopes to be cured of its affects.
This doesn't mean that an AC gets a pass, it just means that for them it isn't as easy as saying, OK I just won't drink anymore. It is a LOT harder for them to stop than it is you or I. We can drink alcohol, it metabolizes and its over. We don't get a little voice in our brain that says......You must get this again.
What Med school teaches us is addictions are real, people can't help it, even though they know its bad. It is more than free will at work. It is choices, but choices that are burdened with a genetic dependency for it are HUGELY more difficult to kick.
Come here to talk and listen. Go to Al-Anon to talk and listen. Go ANYWHERE for this besides the house you live in with your AC. Because he won't want to talk about your recovery, and you shouldn't make him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
I'll be the first to admit - I am quite new to all of this and my knowledge with the finer details is limited. There are a couple of things I can say with certainty though. My husband has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. After that, it starts to get in a gray area regarding labels and definitions. I guess I could try to slice and dice this to narrow down things, but what would be the point. He doesn't have any physical withdraw symptoms, but here's what he does have:
(1) a family history of alcoholism (grandmother and father)
(2) last 6 months - a definite unhealthy relationship with alcohol to the point of blacking out a handful of times. According to him, he's a binge drinker (usually alone on weekends after the kids and I are asleep).
(3) the inability to say with certainty whether or not he will be able to stop after his 1st drink or go down the slippery slope and drink in excess
Granted, this has happened only a handful of times (drinking in excess), but since last March a definite pattern of unhealthy behaviors has emerged. Given his family history, I think it would be prudent to nip whatever this is and find the help he needs. He's attempting AA meetings and abstaining. The urges and cravings are there alot...and also triggers (extremely stressful workday and weekends).
So, where this all goes - I don't know. In the meantime, SR have been invaluable to me. I've learned a lot already by reading the posts here and you all have been very much a part in helping me gain a better understanding of the situation. I really do appreciate all of your help.
(1) a family history of alcoholism (grandmother and father)
(2) last 6 months - a definite unhealthy relationship with alcohol to the point of blacking out a handful of times. According to him, he's a binge drinker (usually alone on weekends after the kids and I are asleep).
(3) the inability to say with certainty whether or not he will be able to stop after his 1st drink or go down the slippery slope and drink in excess
Granted, this has happened only a handful of times (drinking in excess), but since last March a definite pattern of unhealthy behaviors has emerged. Given his family history, I think it would be prudent to nip whatever this is and find the help he needs. He's attempting AA meetings and abstaining. The urges and cravings are there alot...and also triggers (extremely stressful workday and weekends).
So, where this all goes - I don't know. In the meantime, SR have been invaluable to me. I've learned a lot already by reading the posts here and you all have been very much a part in helping me gain a better understanding of the situation. I really do appreciate all of your help.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
I'll be the first to admit - I am quite new to all of this and my knowledge with the finer details is limited. There are a couple of things I can say with certainty though. My husband has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. After that, it starts to get in a gray area regarding labels and definitions. I guess I could try to slice and dice this to narrow down things, but what would be the point. He doesn't have any physical withdraw symptoms, but here's what he does have:
(1) a family history of alcoholism (grandmother and father)
(2) last 6 months - a definite unhealthy relationship with alcohol to the point of blacking out a handful of times. According to him, he's a binge drinker (usually alone on weekends after the kids and I are asleep).
(3) the inability to say with certainty whether or not he will be able to stop after his 1st drink or go down the slippery slope and drink in excess
Granted, this has happened only a handful of times (drinking in excess), but since last March a definite pattern of unhealthy behaviors has emerged. Given his family history, I think it would be prudent to nip whatever this is and find the help he needs. He's attempting AA meetings and abstaining. The urges and cravings are there alot...and also triggers (extremely stressful workday and weekends).
So, where this all goes - I don't know. In the meantime, SR have been invaluable to me. I've learned a lot already by reading the posts here and you all have been very much a part in helping me gain a better understanding of the situation. I really do appreciate all of your help.
(1) a family history of alcoholism (grandmother and father)
(2) last 6 months - a definite unhealthy relationship with alcohol to the point of blacking out a handful of times. According to him, he's a binge drinker (usually alone on weekends after the kids and I are asleep).
(3) the inability to say with certainty whether or not he will be able to stop after his 1st drink or go down the slippery slope and drink in excess
Granted, this has happened only a handful of times (drinking in excess), but since last March a definite pattern of unhealthy behaviors has emerged. Given his family history, I think it would be prudent to nip whatever this is and find the help he needs. He's attempting AA meetings and abstaining. The urges and cravings are there alot...and also triggers (extremely stressful workday and weekends).
So, where this all goes - I don't know. In the meantime, SR have been invaluable to me. I've learned a lot already by reading the posts here and you all have been very much a part in helping me gain a better understanding of the situation. I really do appreciate all of your help.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
LOL, no, not your mistake (double posts)--it's been plaguing the forum for a couple of months now. It looks like the post hasn't posted, so you do it again. Actually, your post probably went through, though it might take a minute or two to show up. 
FWIW, non-alcoholic drinkers--even heavy drinkers--generally don't have blackouts. Blackouts seem to be confined mainly to people who are alcoholics. Not all alcoholics get them, but it's a pretty good sign if you do, that you probably ARE, if you get my drift.
Still, even when you know you have a "problem" with alcohol, the thought of never drinking again is a huge obstacle for most people. It seems as if, like most things in life, if you just try HARD enough, and figure out the right "tricks," you should be able to control it. I did that for a good four years, and actually convinced myself I was making "progress" because I could still control it--sometimes. Over those four years my disease progressed and finally I decided that it was much easier to just QUIT--give up the struggle. What a relief that was!
FWIW, non-alcoholic drinkers--even heavy drinkers--generally don't have blackouts. Blackouts seem to be confined mainly to people who are alcoholics. Not all alcoholics get them, but it's a pretty good sign if you do, that you probably ARE, if you get my drift.
Still, even when you know you have a "problem" with alcohol, the thought of never drinking again is a huge obstacle for most people. It seems as if, like most things in life, if you just try HARD enough, and figure out the right "tricks," you should be able to control it. I did that for a good four years, and actually convinced myself I was making "progress" because I could still control it--sometimes. Over those four years my disease progressed and finally I decided that it was much easier to just QUIT--give up the struggle. What a relief that was!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome to SR. You will gain lots of strength here.
Thing is, it does not really matter what it is. His drinking is causing a problem. That is that. You cannot control his drinking at all. He has to stop, or not stop, on his own accord.
As far as buying it and pouring it all out, do you really believe that? I don't mean to be harsh, but I would not believe everything he is telling you. If there is anything I have learned is that those who have a habit they want to cover up, most will lie about it. I don't think it's because they necessarily want to, indeed I think many feel deep guilt over that. I think it is b/c they are enabling themselves to continue.
Tight hugs. I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.
Thing is, it does not really matter what it is. His drinking is causing a problem. That is that. You cannot control his drinking at all. He has to stop, or not stop, on his own accord.
As far as buying it and pouring it all out, do you really believe that? I don't mean to be harsh, but I would not believe everything he is telling you. If there is anything I have learned is that those who have a habit they want to cover up, most will lie about it. I don't think it's because they necessarily want to, indeed I think many feel deep guilt over that. I think it is b/c they are enabling themselves to continue.
Tight hugs. I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
hi bright day, welcome to the site. I don't have too much to add, just one point. My drinking career lasted 27 years with most of it somewhere between heavy and alcoholic drinking. For the best part of 20 years I played with various definitions of heavy drinking versus alcoholic versus social binge drinker etc etc. I did hundreds of "are you an alcoholic?" quizzes and all sorts of things to subconsciously prove to myself that I was not an alcoholic and all the while my drinking deteriorated to the point where I was drinking and blacking out 5 or 6 days per week in the end.
It was only when I came here that I saw a much more simpler way of looking at it. Ask yourself: Does your husbands drinking cause problems in his life and does he have an healthy relationship with alcohol? If the answer is yes then he needs to fix this. Don't get caught up on the semantics of the definition because it doesn't matter. Alcoholism will get worse if not addressed and if he has a problem now its better addressed quickly.
It might be well worth your while to research AVRT also. It is a great way of looking at addiction problems and it may be something for you and your husband to read up on together. It was not something I was aware of and it really resonated with me. He seems a pretty in control kind of guy and I think he may find it useful. good luck to you and your husband, it sounds like you have a lot to work to save.
It was only when I came here that I saw a much more simpler way of looking at it. Ask yourself: Does your husbands drinking cause problems in his life and does he have an healthy relationship with alcohol? If the answer is yes then he needs to fix this. Don't get caught up on the semantics of the definition because it doesn't matter. Alcoholism will get worse if not addressed and if he has a problem now its better addressed quickly.
It might be well worth your while to research AVRT also. It is a great way of looking at addiction problems and it may be something for you and your husband to read up on together. It was not something I was aware of and it really resonated with me. He seems a pretty in control kind of guy and I think he may find it useful. good luck to you and your husband, it sounds like you have a lot to work to save.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 46
I apologize for the double post - my mistake.
Hangnbyathread - Thank you so much for your reply. We must have posted at the same time. My response was to Chantal88 so the sequence of postings might be a little off. I haven't quite mastered the art of copying a prior person's quote in my posting. I'll get there. Thank you, thank you for your thoughts. I thought my husband might be in the beginning stages, too. Now, how all this plays out will be interesting. Only recently (last few days), I've come to realize this will be a process (not gone overnight). Back in October, I naively thought (after several long talks) all of this would just go away - just abtain and we're done with this issue. Not so. So, I'll educate myself and attend Al-Anon. Not something I planned for 2015, but it will be worth it.
Hangnbyathread - Thank you so much for your reply. We must have posted at the same time. My response was to Chantal88 so the sequence of postings might be a little off. I haven't quite mastered the art of copying a prior person's quote in my posting. I'll get there. Thank you, thank you for your thoughts. I thought my husband might be in the beginning stages, too. Now, how all this plays out will be interesting. Only recently (last few days), I've come to realize this will be a process (not gone overnight). Back in October, I naively thought (after several long talks) all of this would just go away - just abtain and we're done with this issue. Not so. So, I'll educate myself and attend Al-Anon. Not something I planned for 2015, but it will be worth it.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
As far as buying it and pouring it all out, do you really believe that? I don't mean to be harsh, but I would not believe everything he is telling you.
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