QueSera81

Thanks. You've reinforced what i was thinking. Won't text him back. He's sent 3 more emails in roughly the last 10 minutes. They'll probably keep pouring in the rest of the day. My new KitchenAid mixer just arrived via FedEx. Going to run and pick up some baking ingredients I need. Guess I'm bringing cookies to work this week . Dinner for me and my friend is already prepped, but I might bake a cake or something.

Glad it's sunny out. Can wear my sunglasses and cover up the tears and the red eyes.

Hawkeye13

Good for you

Making cookies is a proactive response I truly appreciate.
I only wish I was there to help sample them. . .

QueSera81

3 hours and approximately 18 unanswered emails later...cookies are done.

I had a moment when I was looking at the emails and I was tempted to write back, "DON'T YOU GET IT? I DONT' WANT TO TALK TO YOU!" but I suddenly realized that's just it. He doesn't get it. He may never get it. And certainly me trying to pound this into him isn't going to help him "get it."

Hawkeye13

You're right--he won't

Best thing is to delete them unread, and block texts / calls and send any new emails to spam

They will just upset you if you keep reading them, and you might get tempted to answer.

QueSera81

Thanks. Calls/texts are blocked. I should send his emails to spam. Every time I think of responding, I just remind myself that I don't want to repeat this in a few weeks/a month/a year. Rip off the bandaid and let it heal.

Cake from scratch is in the oven and next step is the frosting. I feel good about how I channeled my sad feelings today - gym and then baking. I have made a list of possible productive activities for the next few days as well.

tomsteve

You may want to put them emails inna seperate file just in case some more action to get the message through may be necessary. But don't read them!
I've been on both sides of this- while drinking on his side and sober on yours.
Nope, didnt get it that it was over when i was drinking and took( in one relationship) drastic measures to get it through my head to let it go.
Then sober....wheeeeee!!!! Many times I heard circus music!!!!!
Just because I was done didnt mean she was. I HAD to be vigilant and stand my ground FOR ME.
Yup, there was some times I was quite tempted to respond to phone calls, emails,etc( even friggin snail mail!!!) but I knew where responding would lead:
Que the circus music!!!

Hawkeye13

Cake from scratch?
Buttercream frosting maybe?

Be there in fifteen minutes

QueSera81

Sure, I can do buttercream

QueSera81

Yeah, I had that thought that I needed to save them somewhere. And I may screen them for threats when I'm feeling stronger (or have a friend do it now just to make sure).

So funny that I've seen mention of "the circus" on here several times today. Definitely an appropriate term. My work environment is very chaotic and circus-like at times, too, and for a long time I have let the phrase "Not my circus, not my monkeys" pass through my mind when it's particularly challenging. That applied to this relationship too.

PS - WHO SENDS SNAIL MAIL?

Hawkeye13

I agree with saving them if he threatened you physically once.

Having the friend to screen is easier I would think--how long were you dating him?
(Not that that will make any difference if he is going to be a jerk I suppose)

mischa1

Remember that song when you were a kid. There was an old man named Michael Finnagin. Well at the end of the song it say. Poor old Michael Finnagin BEGIN AGAIN. Well. Guess who Michael Finnagin is in this situation. Time to begin again. I'm sorry.

gaffo

I totally agree about the importance of not reading the emails. It makes everything much easier. Good luck!

QueSera81

We were only dating 6 months. For the last two I've been trying to end our relationship.

I have my friend screening them (once they hit my inbox, they are automatically forwarded to her email account). Last night around 10 he emailed me and said he was coming to my house. She called me and told me. I wasn't sure what to do because I live alone. I decided I felt too intimidated to stay at home alone so I grabbed a few things and moved my car a few blocks away to street parking and stayed in a friend's spare bedroom for the night. I hate that I had to leave my home - even for a night - because of him but it seemed like the smartest thing to do.

I'm home now and everything looks fine. I'm not sure if he came by or not. He hasn't threatened me, so I don't think I have any legal recourse at this point. If anyone has any suggestions, I'll listen.

Hawkeye13

I think leaving was smart--if you've only known him six months you really don't know what he is capable of.

Just stay No Contact and don't let him get response out of you because that is just fuel for the fire as you know.
Having your girlfriend read the messages and keep them is also a good plan, and hopefully he'll get the message and leave you alone soon.

New Years Eve might be a trigger as well so I'd plan to be with friends or out.
I think you are doing an excellent job managing this.

How did the cake turn out, by the way?

QueSera81

The cake was delicious. Sent some of it with my friend to her office today because I was worried I'd eat the whole thing! Going to drop some cookies off at my work later. I had originally planned to stay home tonight, but I don't think that's a good idea. Some friends and I are going to have dinner and go to a house party. The fiancé of one friend always insists on walking the women in the group home if we're unaccompanied so I can count that someone will see me into my house when it's time to call it a night.

TalenCrowhaven

This man is dangerous, imo.

Lots of red flags.

(((Protect yourself)))

QueSera81

Just came home from running errands to a note tucked in my door "I'm sorry and I love you with all my heart."

His behavior certainly qualifies as harassment. I'm debating whether to go to the court for an order of protection. It would send a message but I worry about it angering him/upsetting him further. I'm not sure an order of protection would help in a city where it takes the police 20 minutes to respond to a call.

I'm just sitting here crying and scared and sad.

Hawkeye13

Well, you could take the note, his emails and texts, including your text to leave you alone to the police station and at least find out what your options are.

Finding out whether it is enough to make an order of protection stick would be a first step, and that doesn't mean you have to file it yet.

I would be cautious, but don't panic and still remain NC.
If you are really worried, go stay with friends a few more days and see if it dies down.
If you've been trying to break up with him for the past two months, any contact or backing down will just prolong this I'm afraid.

What kind of security do you have on your house, and of course he doesn't have a key or any access I'm assuming?

QueSera81

I actually just talked to two police officers who were a few blocks down. It seems like the note, the texts, the emails after my clearly worded request for no contact is enough for an order of protection if I am in fear of him. The fact that I am sitting on my couch crying and just jumped and practically hit the ceiling when my neighbor made some noise in his townhouse tells me that I'm really afraid (more than I wanted to admit).

I have a centrally monitored alarm and a panic button. He does not have a key.

Hawkeye13

Being afraid is very understandable.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with his lack of respect for No Contact.

What do you think is best to do right now for your peace of mind?

It doesn't sound like you should stay there alone for a few days at least
if you are this upset.