Blogs


Notices

Irritated

Old 12-17-2014, 05:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Katchie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Irritated

Im so irritated, my AH had mail from his company that I handed him. While I was out of the room, but within earshot, i hear him tell my son he can have this money card that may have $1000 on it! I came in after that and saw my son with the card and asked to see it. He reluctantly gave it to me and it has $500 on it. I look at my husband and he just says its for our sons gas expenses. He's a junior in high school! Then he looks at my son and says, "uh oh, I'm in trouble with mom again!" This is money that can help us with Christmas expenses and our own gas expenses driving to see family over the holidays -- we're travelling a lot! I know what he is doing; when no one is looking he is doing what he does with me and trying to buy his sons forgiveness without having to actually say it and own up to anything -- coward. Sometimes I just don't know who this man is or where I went wrong. It disgusts me. I have 5 kids not 4. Just venting, thanks
Katchie is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Katchie For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-18-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), lillamy (12-17-2014), lizatola (12-18-2014), maia1234 (12-17-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014), POAndrea (12-18-2014), SeriousKarma (12-17-2014), TonightTonight (12-19-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 06:01 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Katchie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
He's just now told me he's getting support. I asked what kind of support and he had a frown on his face so I told him never mind it's none of my business. Then with what seemed like great difficulty he says AA meetings. I don't know if I believe him or not but it doesn't matter. whatever.
Katchie is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Katchie For This Useful Post:
ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 06:09 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
Irritated isn't always bad. You have good reason to be.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Katchie (12-17-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), LeeJane (12-18-2014), lizatola (12-18-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014), Stung (12-18-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 06:26 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Katchie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
I probably should have waited but I went ahead and asked if he has been drinking today and of course he said he promised he hasn't and he's been "good" all week and he's just working hard for Christmas. I hate feeling like I'm his mommy. Again, I don't think I'm believing him and I know I need to trust my gut. I talked to him about the money card he handed our son and I'm not kidding you, the first thing out of his mouth was, "its not like I'm trying to buy him off or something!" I have NEVER accused him of that, not even with the things he buys me, so it must be his own guilt telling on him.
Katchie is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Katchie For This Useful Post:
Mango blast (12-18-2014)
Old 12-17-2014, 07:43 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
You are dealing with an A, nothing is normal. It is very hard to accept the crxp that they pull. You need to step back and accept who and what he is. I am sorry, as you need to work your program has hard as you can over the holidays. That is the only thing us alanons can do for ourselves and our kids. We don't want to wind up the crazy wife of the A.

Sorry!!
maia1234 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to maia1234 For This Useful Post:
Eauchiche (12-17-2014), Katchie (12-18-2014), ladyscribbler (12-17-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014), MissFixit (12-18-2014), POAndrea (12-18-2014), Stung (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 05:55 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Guest
 
viola71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 103
I am so sorry Katchie. The thought of buying the kids makes me sick, the only thing I can say is that after watching all my siblings children with their own fathers or mothers ,kids are smart and while it may not be now they eventually figure out who or what their parents are with no help from anyone. Just keep being the great mother you are . (((((hugs))))
viola71 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to viola71 For This Useful Post:
Katchie (12-18-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 08:46 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,566
Blog Entries: 10
Ugh....
hopeful4 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
Mango blast (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 09:00 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
MissFixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by Katchie View Post
I probably should have waited but I went ahead and asked if he has been drinking today and of course he said he promised he hasn't and he's been "good" all week and he's just working hard for Christmas. I hate feeling like I'm his mommy. Again, I don't think I'm believing him and I know I need to trust my gut. I talked to him about the money card he handed our son and I'm not kidding you, the first thing out of his mouth was, "its not like I'm trying to buy him off or something!" I have NEVER accused him of that, not even with the things he buys me, so it must be his own guilt telling on him.
I hate gaslighting. It confused me for a long time. Not just A's but lots of manipulative people do it and I cannot stand it. Trust yourself. Do not expect him to fess up. He isn't going to without some motive.

So, you have 5 boys for Christmas. That's a lot. Your laundry room, refrigerator and bathroom must get a workout! Living with one male is enough for me!
MissFixit is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MissFixit For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Katchie (12-18-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 09:05 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
Gosh, how transparent. I'm sorry Katchie, I can totally FEEL your irritation at this point.
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Katchie (12-18-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014), MissFixit (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 09:26 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Katchie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
I hate gaslighting. It confused me for a long time. Not just A's but lots of manipulative people do it and I cannot stand it. Trust yourself. Do not expect him to fess up. He isn't going to without some motive.

So, you have 5 boys for Christmas. That's a lot. Your laundry room, refrigerator and bathroom must get a workout! Living with one male is enough for me!
Gaslighting...I've heard, or read, that a couple of times on here from others...I'm going to have to look that one up.
Katchie is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Katchie For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014), MissFixit (12-18-2014), Shutterbug1 (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 09:36 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
Gaslighting - trying to convince you that what you are seeing & hearing with your own senses isn't really happening. Which in turn & over time messes with the victim's internal wiring so much so that they lose all touch with reality & their own instincts.

10 Signs Your Man Is 'Gaslighting' You to Make You Seem Crazy | The Stir
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
CodeJob (12-18-2014), hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Katchie (12-18-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014), MissFixit (12-18-2014), Shutterbug1 (12-18-2014), theuncertainty (12-18-2014), waggin (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 10:40 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
MissFixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by Katchie View Post
Gaslighting...I've heard, or read, that a couple of times on here from others...I'm going to have to look that one up.
The name comes from a movie (Gaslight) from the 1940's (?) starring Ingrid Bergman as a wealthy heiress who marries a duplicitous man trying to convince her that she is crazy thereby gaining control of her wealth and perhaps convincing her to end her life. He messes with the gaslights (set in 1910s I think) in their house and claims to not have done it. She goes kind of crazy hearing things in the house and seeing the lights go on and off, while he tells her he sees nothing (he is actually doing it). I highly recommend the movie as I like her a lot and it successfully showcases that relationship dynamic.

A's do it with the following scenario:

"Were you drinking?"

"Ugh, no, of course not. Why do you always doubt me. Gosh, you must the one with the problem. If you loved me you would believe me."

"Oh. I must be wrong. What is wrong with me."
MissFixit is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to MissFixit For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (12-18-2014), hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Katchie (12-18-2014), Mango blast (12-18-2014), Shutterbug1 (12-18-2014), waggin (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 10:48 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Sungrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
I happen to hold the title of "Ms. Gaslight 2014"

I have actually held the crown since 2010.
Sungrl is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Sungrl For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (12-18-2014), hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Katchie (12-18-2014), MissFixit (12-18-2014), Redheadsusie (12-18-2014)
Old 12-18-2014, 11:18 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 312
I had the Ms. Gaslight crown but gave it up in... oh 2008 I think. LMAO
ajarlson is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ajarlson For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (12-18-2014), hopeful4 (12-18-2014), Katchie (12-18-2014), MissFixit (12-18-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:35 AM.