how do you know if they've been sober?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
ladyscribbler's post says it exactly.
The reason to stay away for six months is for the simple reason that in six months you probably will have moved on and he will still be drinking. Or, he will have moved on to someone who drinks with him.
The reason to stay away for six months is for the simple reason that in six months you probably will have moved on and he will still be drinking. Or, he will have moved on to someone who drinks with him.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
LadyScribbler.....Thank you. Thank you, very much!Your post really h its pay dirt with me. On how to answer the question about "6 mo. to a year" confusions.
You have put into words what I could never articulate..very well...
I'm am gong to tuck your words into my hat.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 220
You will know because of your own recovery during that time. You will then personally know the peace and serenity that comes from working a program. You will be intimately familiar with it.
It is then very easy to identify those that also have that peace and serenity.
It is then very easy to identify those that also have that peace and serenity.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
Well, when I tell people to wait and see for six months or a year, it's really more of a tool to help them detach. Most alcoholics aren't going to maintain sobriety for that time frame just to keep a girlfriend around, especially when they have never expressed any desire for recovery.
It's just that people don't want to hear that it's hopeless and their "soul mate" might not ever quit. I understand. It's depressing and can be a real blow for the self-esteem. It was for me before I started my own recovery and began to understand that his choices weren't a reflection of me or my worth.
So I say, go to Alanon, work your program for six months or a year, then see what the alcoholic or addict is doing. Usually they are still drinking/using and have moved on to a new enabler. But by then the person who was waiting is hopefully in a much healthier frame of mind and can see that they dodged a bullet.
It's just that people don't want to hear that it's hopeless and their "soul mate" might not ever quit. I understand. It's depressing and can be a real blow for the self-esteem. It was for me before I started my own recovery and began to understand that his choices weren't a reflection of me or my worth.
So I say, go to Alanon, work your program for six months or a year, then see what the alcoholic or addict is doing. Usually they are still drinking/using and have moved on to a new enabler. But by then the person who was waiting is hopefully in a much healthier frame of mind and can see that they dodged a bullet.
So THAT what it is.
Boy, do I feel stoopit, now.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Absence of the behavior that got him where he is today. Time shows a lot of things. You can spend time w/someone after a significant amount of clean time. If they are actually working a program, they will want to talk and share about that. Changes will be apparent.
If not...run the other direction. BTW...I don't think six months is anything.
If not...run the other direction. BTW...I don't think six months is anything.
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