Originally Posted by ladyscribbler

Well, when I tell people to wait and see for six months or a year, it's really more of a tool to help them detach. Most alcoholics aren't going to maintain sobriety for that time frame just to keep a girlfriend around, especially when they have never expressed any desire for recovery.
It's just that people don't want to hear that it's hopeless and their "soul mate" might not ever quit. I understand. It's depressing and can be a real blow for the self-esteem. It was for me before I started my own recovery and began to understand that his choices weren't a reflection of me or my worth.
So I say, go to Alanon, work your program for six months or a year, then see what the alcoholic or addict is doing. Usually they are still drinking/using and have moved on to a new enabler. But by then the person who was waiting is hopefully in a much healthier frame of mind and can see that they dodged a bullet.