Originally Posted by ConfusedInOr

Hello all..........first time poster here. Looking to hear back from others about my situation because I'm confused, angry and a bit lost in this whole mess.

I've been in a relationship now for almost 6 years with a woman who has a drinking problem. When we first got together I didn't know she had one. It really started showing up about a month and a half into the relationship. I'm not sure why I stayed so long with her after some of the things she has done.......but I did. Her problem is there is no social drinking with a beer or two or glass of wine. Its drink until you run out of alcohol or black out of pass out, whichever comes first. When she drinks she changes. The more drinks she has the more verbally abusive she gets. It gets to a point where her change is like Jekyll/Hyde and her verbal abuse turns to physical abuse. Whenever everything seems to be fine and she is sober for a time she sabotages our happiness.....creates all these things in her head.

Some examples of things she's done:

My mom died of cancer during our first year of our relationship. I'd be depressed as hell and just want to come to her house for some comfort. I would come home to her drinking with friends....everyday. A day or two before the funeral she was at her friends drinking and called and asked me to pick her up. She gets in the car and flips out on me asking whats my f-ing problem. I look at her and remind her my mom died. She rips into me telling me to quit being a little whiny p&*^y! Tells me to get over it everyone dies. Looks at me and makes crying noises. Next day doesn't remember a thing. Promises she's quitting. Another time we were with friends and she gets drunk off wine and everything was fine. As soon as we get in the car driving down the highway she flips out and tried to get out while I'm going 60mph. I had to hold her arm all the way home. Get home and she chases me all over the house for about 4 5 hours. Punching and kicking and shoving me. I had lumps and bruises all over the next day. Of course.......she doesn't remember a thing and promises to seek help and quit. There are dozens of these types of incidents. I have stood by her begging and pleading with her to get help, explaining to her over and over what it is doing to me. Her drinking is a cycle......... it starts out with minor incidents of verbal abuse that lead to her being blacked out and physical abuse. After it reaches this point is where the promises and the please forgive me it will never happen again come out. Then she sobers up for 5 to 6 months give or take a month or two. And the process starts over.

During the summer she spent two months drinking....all during the day while I am working. During this time all the abuse was verbal. Finally on 9/11 about 10pm comes home drunk attacks my son.....I came into my son's room and pull her off twice.... She looks over at me looking absolutely possessed and screams "I f-ing hate you!" and punches me about 6 times in the head her daughter calls the cops and her friend helps get her out of the house.....the entire time she is screaming at the top her lungs obscenities at me and threatening to kill me and burn down the house. So she goes to jail for 5 days, I get a restraining order on her to protect myself and the kids in case she gets out and starts drinking again. There is also a no contact order. I since dropped the restraining order now that I see she is trying to sober up. My problem is she professes her love for me and wants to stay together and according to her "I have finally seen the light"...... blah blah blah. Swears up and down that she never meant any of the stuff she has said or did that it was the alcohol. On her own she goes to anger management classes and counceling. Says through counceling she is finding out why she sabotages everything when the times are happy. Claims she finally knows what her drinking has done. I counter that I've heard all this from you time and time again..... according to her this time is different.

I'm am stuck being heartbroken over the whole thing, lost, confused, angry....pretty much just a wide array of feelings. I don't know what to do and I tell her this. Part of me wants to continue to stand by her and try to fix the mess and part of me has been through enough. She claims I am not there for her because I can't just except her apologies and say we are together. She calls and texts quite a few times everyday demanding answers and won't accept my feelings and where I am and what I think.

Thanks for listening all.........